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The Sinful Dwarf

Today’s post makes me very, very sad.  😦  I’m talking I kinda wanna jump out a window like the dwarf at the end of this movie sad.  😦  I don’t know what I did to deserve having to watch this thing but I clearly went very wrong somewhere in life.  😦 I’ve also done something different here today, a kind of stream of conciousness thing wherein I’ve written my thoughts through out the movie.

But first, the plot:  A lady and her dwarf son (I’ll be using the term “dwarf” through out this because it’s used in the film btw) kidnap women, shoot them up with heroin and then rent out their bodies for sex.

This pretty much sums up the “plot”…

I don’t have minute marks or anything so this really is just what’s in my head through the film….

1 second in and I already hate this movie.

Why is that 30 year old woman pretending to be ten and playing hopscotch?

Seriously who but an actual 10 year old is charmed by an animatronic puppy??  Is this dwarf actually kidnapping children but the producers didn’t want to use children because it of the whole child porn thing?

A monkey playing drums is not helping this movie at all. 

Why are there dancing toys everywhere?  I feel like I should be on mind altering substances right now to actually make it through this…

Puppet humping the floor…*sighs*

Is the whole movie just going to be random scene bits with no ties?  Murder of teddy bears to screaming lady to couple outside a lodging house?  WTF?

Is that dwarf faking the accent or is that real?  And why is he frolicking on the bed? This is so disturbing.

Girl:  “I’m so tired, I don’t care, I’ll stay anywhere.”  Girl after meeting dwarf:  “I don’t want to stay here.” Said in tears.

Why was there a shot of the screaming girl again?  And why does no one freaking hear her scream?

Mom says no fooling around with them – isn’t that why those girls are there??

This is one sinful dwarf for sure.  Totes sketch.

If I have to watch this dwarf masturbate at any point in this movie, I will be pissed.

Oh for pete’s sake, I get it she has a really nice ass, that’s enough close ups of it!

E, you could’ve warned me of the porno factor…this sex scene has been going on for approximately 5 hours now…and I’m fairly certain they are actually doing THE SEX, as you say, instead of the acting.

Why is there a random woman writhing on the bed?  What the hell Sinful Dwarf??  What the hell?  I hate you so much.

Oh, that’s a great idea, Braless Girl Who’s Terrified of This House, go wandering around the dark hallways that look like a million people were murdered there. 

Girl writhing on bed again yelling for the dwarf…this dwarf takes way to much time to do things.  Slowest dwarf ever.

Different girl writhing on bed…no wait, several girls writhing on dirty mattresses…what is that dwarf injecting her with? 

Wow that one girl needs to eat something.

Why is the dwarf all…Danish or whatever and the mom has no accent?  Is he adopted?  Why do I care?  Why are those old ladies so happy over Beefeater?  How much longer is this movie??

OH.  They’re not sleeping with the girls, they’re selling the girl’s bodies to other people! 

Wait, now these old ladies have accents they didn’t a minute ago…

What kind of liquor is Beefeater?  I assume it’s like moonshine?

Oh please, no, no, no.  Please don’t let the drunk old women dance…please….

Oh this is just disturbing.  He’s making toys have THE SEX.  Dear lord…

And it just got worse.  The drunk old lady is not just wearing fruit on her head and dancing, but singing.  Why??  I want to cry…

Oh yay, more sex and writhing girl on bed but now it goes along with the song.  I am so sad.

So many asses.

I can think of so many other things I would rather be doing at this moment: creating a budget, giving the dog a flea bath, cleaning the house top to bottom, babysitting 20 five year olds…the list goes on and on…

How long have these women been drinking??  I think they’re on day 5.

She’s already stated a million times that she’s afraid of the room so why does she keep returning?  Get a freaking job already, Braless girl!

And speaking of braless, I just saw dwarf mom’s sideboob because she is wearing an entirely inappropriate shirt for a 50 year old.

Wow, not sure I’ve ever seen someone have a nervous breakdown over seeing a mouse.

Why is this man named Santa Claus?  This movie is disturbing on so many levels.

Why is she singing again?  I almost feel sorry for these drunk old ladies.  They’re like the anti “Absolutely Fabulous”.

Did S&M just enter into this?  It did!  ‘The movie just got interesting.  FINALLY.

Ah, heroin.  That’s what in that syringe.

This young couple is the most boring young couple of all time.  The only conversation they have is “Oh, don’t give up writing!” “But we need money!”

Since when does the man part of the young couple work in Santa Claus’s workshop??

Since when does this chick smoke??  Why does nothing make sense here??

I hate these old women.  She’s pulling out another costume to sing and dance in. 

Why does Braless Girl get to keep her bra when they kidnap her? And since when does she wear a bra in the first place?  Oh wait, two minutes later and she’s suddenly completely naked.  *sighs*

Dude, lady, it’s no use pleading to a guy who’s paying to rape you for help. 

Oh good, this time THE SEX has actual porno music to go along with all that thrustiness instead of drunk old women singing showtunes.

Oh no.  No, no, no, no, no, no, no.  I think I’m about to see dwarf sex.  No.  Please.  IPC, why do you hate me??

Okay, okay, this is not good.  😦  He is raping her with a cane and I am not pleased with this turn of events at all.  😦  This movie better be over soon.

I think the end is nigh.  Please, please, please.  I’m begging you universe let it be over soon.  The cops are at the boarding house.   Oh please.

Oh hubby and cop just broke into the attic where the girls are all chained up and drugged.  Thank goodness. 

Seriously, cop?  You just hand a gun to the pissed off hubby?  I don’t see this ending well. 

Yep.  That didn’t end well at all.  And really evil mom?  Asking your sex slave ring to help you after you’ve been shot?  Stupidity.

I hate this dwarf and his cane.  I hope he falls out of this window. 

And he did.  Well, that was more a jump but still.  Works for me. 

Why are there toys hanging out in the alley???  Stupid movie.

I need to go take another shower.

So yeah, there you have it.  I am so not posting links or trailers or anything else because I do NOT want to be responsible for anyone else having to watch this ever.  Stupid dwarf.