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Killer School Girls From Outer Space

 

Dude, y’all!  Just dude.  So I followed this guy on Twitter – he had a production company named Angry Nun Productions which made me *giggle* and also reminisce on the days when I was in an improv troupe called “Nuns in Straitjackets” and worked on this sketch show called “L.A.F.F.S.” and then my mind wandered to things like School of the Holy Beast and…yeah, well, suffice it to say the whole angry nun thing really struck a chord.  So we exchanged a couple of DM’s and I mentioned my site and how much I was loving the name of not only the company but also of this film because seriously y’all, just seriously look at that mother effing title!! (I get a little excited whenever I see the word “schoolgirls”…brings up some great movie moments in my mind…)  Anyway, he sent me a screener and I was all prepared to have this done right after Halloween month was over and well, ya know, Sandy and all…soooo, here it finally is – Killer School Girls From Outer Space!!!!! (There are seriously NOT enough exclamation marks in the world for this shiz).

“Directed by Alexander Shumake and starring Ron Jeremy, Donny Boaz, Julin, Derek Lee Nixon, Denise Williamson, Jordan Brower, Jenny Zhang, Kaci Flores and Clem Beard, Killer School Girls From Outer Space is a low-budget throwback to the classic sci-fi and exploitation B-movies of the 50s and 60s – but with a modern sexy schoolgirl twist…” ~IMDB

EXPLOSIONS!!!

The movie starts out with a quick note about how they truly dig on Roger Corman and how they aspire to be like him and how this movie is made in the same sort of way he did his early works which boils down to this is a superfun throwback to the drive-in days (E, I think you’ll love this!!!).  We’re talking lovers at Lover Lane, racist ole men, spaceships and small town fun, drag races and Ron Jeremy – this has pretty much everything anyone could ever want from a movie.

Old Man Jenkins!!!

The opening credits start with an army of men being attacked by schoolgirls and ends with an entirely wicked shot of a planet being blown up complete with old-timey sci-fi music (they talked about that in the directors commentary and I can’t remember the instrument they referenced…) shot with grainy, spotted film that mimics the look of instant classics such as Machete and Hobo with a Shotgun.  Next up is Ben and Allison out at *insert appropriate name for makin’ out spots here* where Allison is giving Ben a BJ, after which they discuss his inner turmoil at wanting to quit the football team (he’s the quarterback of course and Allison is a cheerleader).  Allison (Denise Williamson, who looks a lot like Amy Adams here) sweetly promises him she’ll always be cheering for him when they are distracted by a shooting star and decide to go check it out.  Before they can make it to where the star landed, they of course have to stop at the local drive in diner/hang out (seriously, I could almost swear this was filmed in my hometown, eerie…) where they must catch up with Ben’s best bud (who promptly asks him why he’s hearing that Ben is quitting football – 5 minutes after he’s only ever told Allison and god, that cracked me up because this happens the whole movie and if you’ve never lived in a small town and by that I mean small, then you don’t know the annoyance/humor that goes with everybody knowing your business even before you do) and where Ben is promptly drug into a drag race (more accurately Chicken) with the local bad boys.  The local bad boys are kinda hot, just sayin’.

MORE NUDITY!!!!

Drag race/chicken game, then off to finally find the shooting star which ends up being a SPACESHIP!!!  Ben and Allison also run into a burnt up Old Man Jenkins who ends up being killed in front of them and after that they are on the RUN!  First place they go is the police station where they tell their story to the deputy and sheriff (the sheriff being an older fella who doesn’t cotton to dang kids these days with their rock music and their heathen ways) who don’t believe them and then a whole bunch more people die and then suddenly everybody does believe and well, I don’t wanna ruin anything here but let’s just say the ending is so awesomely and ridiculously ridiculous in that epic drive in movie way.

And did I mention THIS guy is in it??

It should be apparent by now that I pretty much loved this movie as it’s right up my alley but here’s the thing – this is the type of movie that has to be right up your alley or you’re not going to like it.  If drive in flicks and old 50s era sci-fi movies aren’t your thing, avoid this.  If sometimes less than stellar, but ALWAYS effective CGI isn’t your thing, avoid this.  If people exploding isn’t your thing, avoid it.  If schoolgirls aren’t your thing, avoid this.  You know what?  If the title KILLER SCHOOL GIRLS FROM OUTER SPACE doesn’t get you all tingly and superexcited inside, then avoid this. (But how could it NOT????)

SCHOOLGIRL!!!!!

But if you’re like me (and I really think there’s a big majority of my readers who would totally groove on this here thing) and schoolgirls make you giggle like one, people exploding into bits of blood and bloody parts makes your eyes go wide in excitement and you want nothing more than to keep repeating this title in that way that only Samuel L. Jackson can, by repeatedly saying “Mothereffing killer school girls from mothereffing outer space!!”, then this movie is made with you specifically in mind.  And you will love it.

You can find the trailer HERE along with how to order, should you be interested.  Plus there’s other cool stuffs that come with such as a bonus dvd on how to be an indie filmmaker which I personally totally dig on since I’m into that kinda thing.  You’ll also find all the lovely photos that I heisted from (and linked back) with the trailer!  Killer School Girls from Outer Space is a wicked fun time, just like making it with your old lady down at the drive-in!

 

 

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Mutant Vampire Zombies from the ‘Hood!

 

Mutant Zombie Vampires from the Hood may be my new favorite movie, no lie.  Here’s how the movie watching went down.

Me to Roomie #1:  Hey, mind if I watch a movie in here?

Roomie #1:  Sure, go ahead.

10 minutes later

Roomie #1:  What exactly are we watching again??

Me: Mutant Zombie Vampires from the Hood!

15 minutes later

Roomie #1:  Why is Mr. Miyagi in this??

15 minutes later

Roomie #2 enters the house, home from work:  Hey, what’re you watching?

10 minutes later

Roomie #2 spits out beer he’s laughing so hard.

End of the movie

Roomie #3 is home now.  Roomie #2 to Roomie #3: Dude, you only saw the last 15 minutes!!  This movie is epic!!  We have to start it over from the beginning!!!

What’s the one thing that can bring cops and gangs together? Mutant Vampire Zombies from the hood, y’all.

Yeah, it’s that awesome.  So here’s the lowdown.

Cop (C. Thomas Howell, hell yeah) and Cop #2 enter a warehouse where a black gang and an Asian gang are about to have a full out war over drugs.  Asian gang kidnapped the token girl of the black gang and are trading her back to the black gang for drugs except whoops, the black gang brought sugar instead of coke .  Just as the bullets start to fly, what should appear but a……SOLAR FLARE!  Everyone, I repeat, everyone in the warehouse is knocked out by the solar flare and when they awaken things aren’t quite what they were before.

Our gang(s) emerge into a newly transformed world (oh the power of solar flares!) to find vampire(?) zombie(?) mutants.  Things start to quickly go downhill.  First Cop #2 gets eaten, then a gang member gets killed.  One gang member keeps running around yelling about Nosferatu to anyone who will listen.  After about 20 minutes, they realize it’s not vampires though, it’s zombies.  The gangs join together to fight their way through the monstrous horde of zombies (who for the record aren’t just chomping down on people but are also screwing each other and raping live people).  They also meet up with the aforementioned Mr. Miyagi who is quite possibly this movie’s BEST character.  He drinks constantly, he shoots, he dispenses advice in the form of one liners…..*sighs*….he’s so groovy.  Next the gang runs into a polite, yet heavily armed group of people who capture them who are (get this) VAMPIRES!!  Totes!  There’s more eating of a “oh dear god, they really went there, why are these damn vampire zombies so horny?” kind and then finally our heroes end up at the house of one super smart dude with one super smart daughter (a doctor) who think they might be able to find a cure.  But do they????

A few of my favorite things:

“I’ve had it with these motherfuckin’ zombies in my motherfuckin’ hood!”  Thank you SLJ wannabe, thank you.

Super smart dude and super smart daughter are creepily close, like, she’s sitting in his lap at the age of 25’ish, close…..

Epic sex scene (living people not zombie/vampire/mutants) where super smart daughter wears a doctor coat (FOR THIS SCENE ONLY!!  Immediately after when she is back to her doctoring duties, the white coat is GONE, people) and fabulous porno music plays in the background.

Super smart daughter is apparently aroused by zombie violence.