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Killer School Girls From Outer Space

 

Dude, y’all!  Just dude.  So I followed this guy on Twitter – he had a production company named Angry Nun Productions which made me *giggle* and also reminisce on the days when I was in an improv troupe called “Nuns in Straitjackets” and worked on this sketch show called “L.A.F.F.S.” and then my mind wandered to things like School of the Holy Beast and…yeah, well, suffice it to say the whole angry nun thing really struck a chord.  So we exchanged a couple of DM’s and I mentioned my site and how much I was loving the name of not only the company but also of this film because seriously y’all, just seriously look at that mother effing title!! (I get a little excited whenever I see the word “schoolgirls”…brings up some great movie moments in my mind…)  Anyway, he sent me a screener and I was all prepared to have this done right after Halloween month was over and well, ya know, Sandy and all…soooo, here it finally is – Killer School Girls From Outer Space!!!!! (There are seriously NOT enough exclamation marks in the world for this shiz).

“Directed by Alexander Shumake and starring Ron Jeremy, Donny Boaz, Julin, Derek Lee Nixon, Denise Williamson, Jordan Brower, Jenny Zhang, Kaci Flores and Clem Beard, Killer School Girls From Outer Space is a low-budget throwback to the classic sci-fi and exploitation B-movies of the 50s and 60s – but with a modern sexy schoolgirl twist…” ~IMDB

EXPLOSIONS!!!

The movie starts out with a quick note about how they truly dig on Roger Corman and how they aspire to be like him and how this movie is made in the same sort of way he did his early works which boils down to this is a superfun throwback to the drive-in days (E, I think you’ll love this!!!).  We’re talking lovers at Lover Lane, racist ole men, spaceships and small town fun, drag races and Ron Jeremy – this has pretty much everything anyone could ever want from a movie.

Old Man Jenkins!!!

The opening credits start with an army of men being attacked by schoolgirls and ends with an entirely wicked shot of a planet being blown up complete with old-timey sci-fi music (they talked about that in the directors commentary and I can’t remember the instrument they referenced…) shot with grainy, spotted film that mimics the look of instant classics such as Machete and Hobo with a Shotgun.  Next up is Ben and Allison out at *insert appropriate name for makin’ out spots here* where Allison is giving Ben a BJ, after which they discuss his inner turmoil at wanting to quit the football team (he’s the quarterback of course and Allison is a cheerleader).  Allison (Denise Williamson, who looks a lot like Amy Adams here) sweetly promises him she’ll always be cheering for him when they are distracted by a shooting star and decide to go check it out.  Before they can make it to where the star landed, they of course have to stop at the local drive in diner/hang out (seriously, I could almost swear this was filmed in my hometown, eerie…) where they must catch up with Ben’s best bud (who promptly asks him why he’s hearing that Ben is quitting football – 5 minutes after he’s only ever told Allison and god, that cracked me up because this happens the whole movie and if you’ve never lived in a small town and by that I mean small, then you don’t know the annoyance/humor that goes with everybody knowing your business even before you do) and where Ben is promptly drug into a drag race (more accurately Chicken) with the local bad boys.  The local bad boys are kinda hot, just sayin’.

MORE NUDITY!!!!

Drag race/chicken game, then off to finally find the shooting star which ends up being a SPACESHIP!!!  Ben and Allison also run into a burnt up Old Man Jenkins who ends up being killed in front of them and after that they are on the RUN!  First place they go is the police station where they tell their story to the deputy and sheriff (the sheriff being an older fella who doesn’t cotton to dang kids these days with their rock music and their heathen ways) who don’t believe them and then a whole bunch more people die and then suddenly everybody does believe and well, I don’t wanna ruin anything here but let’s just say the ending is so awesomely and ridiculously ridiculous in that epic drive in movie way.

And did I mention THIS guy is in it??

It should be apparent by now that I pretty much loved this movie as it’s right up my alley but here’s the thing – this is the type of movie that has to be right up your alley or you’re not going to like it.  If drive in flicks and old 50s era sci-fi movies aren’t your thing, avoid this.  If sometimes less than stellar, but ALWAYS effective CGI isn’t your thing, avoid this.  If people exploding isn’t your thing, avoid it.  If schoolgirls aren’t your thing, avoid this.  You know what?  If the title KILLER SCHOOL GIRLS FROM OUTER SPACE doesn’t get you all tingly and superexcited inside, then avoid this. (But how could it NOT????)

SCHOOLGIRL!!!!!

But if you’re like me (and I really think there’s a big majority of my readers who would totally groove on this here thing) and schoolgirls make you giggle like one, people exploding into bits of blood and bloody parts makes your eyes go wide in excitement and you want nothing more than to keep repeating this title in that way that only Samuel L. Jackson can, by repeatedly saying “Mothereffing killer school girls from mothereffing outer space!!”, then this movie is made with you specifically in mind.  And you will love it.

You can find the trailer HERE along with how to order, should you be interested.  Plus there’s other cool stuffs that come with such as a bonus dvd on how to be an indie filmmaker which I personally totally dig on since I’m into that kinda thing.  You’ll also find all the lovely photos that I heisted from (and linked back) with the trailer!  Killer School Girls from Outer Space is a wicked fun time, just like making it with your old lady down at the drive-in!

 

 

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Bloody Bloody Bible Camp

I watched this after reading theipc’s excellent review (and after reading the 1500 emails asking if I’d seen it yet and…well, you get the point).  😉  That’s the first thing I want to say about this movie.  The second thing I want to say about Bloody Bloody Bible Camp is this (and by this, I’d like to share this exchange between myself and my roomie last night):

Me:  Okay, roomie, I will help put together your 200+ wedding invites BUT we are watching Bloody Bloody Bible Camp while we do it because I promised this dude I’d review it tomorrow.

Roomie:  Sure, sure, whatever.  I’m not going to be paying attention anyway.

Me:  (Starts movie….5 minutes pass)

Roomie:  Did you mean to put on porn?

Me:  It’s not porn!  I mean, yeah, Ron Jeremy’s in it, but it’s not porn!

5 minutes later

Roomie:  I am so offended by this movie.  I am so offended in so many ways by this film.  I can’t believe -oh my gosh, did her head just come off?  That was hilarious!  I am so offended.

So yeah, that was pretty much how it went.  She ended up leaving halfway through to walk the dog and upon her return immediately asked if it was over.  But I couldn’t help notice that while she was watching, she couldn’t look away…and THAT, friends, is exactly the type of movie this is.

I, unfortunately, cannot proclaim to love this film nearly as much as theipc.  That’s not to say I didn’t like it or I didn’t enjoy it because I did.  It just means I also had some big issues with it (and not of the “I’m offended by content” type).

So the story:  Wayyy back in 1977, a group of (and I quote) “young, horny, out of control Christians” are spending a super fun weekend at camp.  Unfortunately for them the weekend turns from super fun to super bloody when a killer nun comes along.  Next up is 1984 where, oddly enough, we have the exact same scenario and the exact same killer nun.

She knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness’ sakes!

The Good:

This is one hell of a bloody good time.  It’s non-stop blood (of the oh so fake and oh so cheesy and oh so good kind), non-stop sexy times and oh yeah, Ron Jeremy is Jesus.  C’mon.  You gotta admit that’s pretty groovy! Also killer NUN.  I mean, that alone is reason to watch this movie.  This is definitely a throw back to the drive in era of films and there are several nods to previous horror movies (or at the least, I took them as nods to previous films) such as Halloween and Friday the 13th. Overall, it’s a good clean fun time.

The Inbetween:

These are the parts that I’m torn on whether they worked for me or not, or whether I liked them or not.  1) The characters are the typical horror stereotypical types.  Jock, black guy, etc. and so forth.  But the characters here are SO much more of the stereotypes than the norm that I kind of wanted them all to die.  I can’t tell if that was the intention or not, to have everybody be so one note that you don’t root for anyone (I didn’t even root for the killer though).  There were only two characters I actually liked and that was mostly because of their interaction.  2)  There’s no plot.  Like seriously, there’s no plot other than camp + kids = killer.  Nothing happens in the entire film except bloodshed which is why I’m so torn.  Bloodshed, yay but no plot, boo.  I think.

The Bad:

The thing that most annoyed me was how the characters reacted to the killer.  They didn’t run away, they didn’t fight back, in fact, only one person really had a reaction other than “Oh dear, no”.  It almost felt like the movie was a so far gone satire.  It just didn’t work for me.  But maybe I was just missing something?  THEIPC??

So yeah, overall, the film didn’t totally work for me but there were several aspects that did and, as an actress, if this script had come my way, I totally would’ve auditioned.   So watch and enjoy and try not to take it as seriously as me.  😉

Zombiegeddon

Oh Troma, how do I love thee?  Let me count the ways…Nobody but you could make a movie as horrific as Zombiegeddon and still leave me dying of laughter.  You truly have the art of bad movie making down to a T.  God bless you, Troma and God bless you, Lloyd Kaufman.

Okay, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way – any movie that starts out with a fake newscast about how the movie is truly a piece of shit, has got to be worth watching (at least IMHO).  I mean, if they’re willing to tell you up front not to take the time to watch the movie and that people have threatened to kill themselves after watching the movie just to erase the memories – I ask, how can you NOT watch it??  Maybe that’s just me though.  I tend to do the things people warn me against.

Seriously, y’all, you’ve been properly warned.

Alright, now, imagine that you have a video camera and you get all your friends together and say, “Hey!  Let’s improv a whole movie about zombies!”.  Now imagine that your friends are all Paris Hilton.  Welcome to “Zombiegeddon” – the acting skills of Paris Hilton with the homegrown directing, writing and editing skills of Joe Schmo.  (I know, it’s a pretty horrible image, Paris Hilton’s running around and acting all over the place.  I sincerely apologize for putting that in your head).  I think there might have actually been a script for this but there was no need.  None at all.  The entire movie looks entirely improvised, the fight choreography left me on the floor howling with laughter and Lloyd Kaufman?  *sighs*  Once again I say bless you for making an appearance as a janitor with a gimp leg.

But what of plot you say?  Well, there’s not much of one actually, but the basic premise is this:  Satan is making super-zombies and oh, no, what will the world do, won’t somebody do something?? Never fear though because “In every generation, there is a chosen one.  He alone shall stand against the zombies.”  That’s right, guys and gals.  There is a chosen one, a guy with a sacred birthright, who just happens to be a crooked cop.

Yeah, it really just doesn’t get better than this…