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Never Sleep Again

 

Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy concludes the Nightmare on Elm Street series (that should’ve been done by Halloween, damn you Frankenstorm!! *shakes fist at the skies*).  I’ve pondered long and hard over just how to review this one as 1) it’s a documentary and 2) it clocks in at four hours.  Obviously, bullet points wasn’t going to cut it for four hours (my gosh, can you imagine??) and with so much information it’s hard to know what to say about it.  So…

That said, I love this documentary, it’s one of my favorite ones ever (and I watch A LOT of documentaries).  And that said, unless you really dig Nightmare on Elm Street or are just highly interested in the movie making process of one of the greatest horror franchises of all times, you probably won’t enjoy this.  What Never Sleep Again does is start with the original Nightmare and continues on with behind the scenes and cast and crew interviews all the way up through the rest of the series.  It’s also the story of how New Line rose to fame.

The nicest man on the planet, Robert Englund.

It’s fascinating and it covers everything from how they did that totally sweet kill scene of Tina in the original Nightmare (they built a rotating room, just fyi, which I find so f’ing cool – I love old school effects!) to the homosexual undertones in Nightmare 2.  The film also presents photographs, storyboards, conceptual art, publicity materials, archival documents, and behind-the-scenes footage that have never been previously shared. Never Sleep Again expands on Wes Craven’s motivations in creating the first Elm Street film. It also explores behind-the-scenes of the original film and all of its sequels. Through interviews, the film shares how cast and crew brought their own worst nightmares to life on screen and examines the impact the series and its mythos have had on pop culture and the horror genre in general. The documentary also explores the rise and fall of Robert Shaye’s New Line Cinema and its reputation as “The House That Freddy Built”.(wikipedia.org).

And really that’s all I can say.  This film is a plethora of information and if it’s an insider’s look you want to have this film is the film for you.

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I am Nancy

 

I have to admit to being vaguely disappointed in I am Nancy mostly because it wasn’t anything at all like I was expecting and I didn’t really receive any insight into Heather Langenkamp (other than she’s either great at making fun of herself or she’s a seriously whiny and maudlin person, it’s so hard to tell at times but this whole thing is supposed to be “tongue in cheek” so I’m leaning toward the making fun of herself).  This is the documentary that Heather made that focuses on her experience playing Wes Craven’s legendary teen heroine, Nancy.

IS IT FUN?

Oh hell, yes.  There are references from pop culture to crazed fans at conventions who at times do some strange things to Heather wondering if anyone would ever get a Nancy tattoo instead of a Freddy one….it’s super fun.  There’s also a SONG – a theme song called “I am Nancy” – that alone is worth it!

IS IT INSIGHTFUL?

Not really. I mean you learn a lot of cool random facts (Wes Craven’s daughter chose Johnny Depp and Nancy was created based off something she once said).  And I discovered that Robert Englund is apparently the nicest guy on the face of the planet, seriously, dude seems hella kickawesome!  There’s also an interview with Wes Craven (extended interviews with Craven and Englund can be found in the special features).  But overall, I didn’t learn anything really about Heather which is what I went into this wanting to know (since she made the thing and all).  If you’re not a hardcore fan, there’s really nothing here for you.

Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare

Wow.  I really did not remember having so much hatred for Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare. But yeah, if I had watched this movie in real time and this was being billed as the last one ever and I watched I would be so pissed off.  It would be like watching Ep. 1, 2, and 3 of Star Wars all over again.  Actually I don’t even know if I watched Ep. 3…

Anyway, Freddy’s back (duh), kids are dying, more of Freddy’s history is revealed and logic, continuity and plain common sense are missing. Read on for further thoughts (they aren’t great – just got power back yesterday and wow, do you know how dirty your house can get after 8 days with no power?  Plus catching up on 8 days of work and stuff equals one sleepy girl.  So I sincerely apologize for what you are about to read.):

So long, farewell…

  • Yay Nietzsche quote!  I so have a literary crush on him.  Him and Anais Nin.
  • Okay, so this movie is actually set 10 years after it is made…why does it say “10 years from now” rather than “10 years later” or something.  This bugs me.
  • I hate planes which is ironic given that both of my parents flew in their free time and I’ve been flying since I was 6 months old.
  • “Don’t be a pussy” says the old lady – haha, I am so going to be that lady when I’m older.
  • Falling out of planes is one of the reasons I don’t like them.  *yeesh*
  • This kid kinda looks like the dude from “Boy Meets World”…Rider Strong?  Anyway, pretty cute.
  • Yay, Wizard of Oz reference!  ❤
  • Dream within a dream?  Is this Alice’s baby Jacob? Why is this movie starting this way??
  • Freddy house!  Tricycle!!
  • Did he just actually run on air?
  • I have NEVER tumbled down a hill in quite so dramatic a manner…this kid should be dead by now.
  • I wonder if Robert Englund was tired of making these by now?  Freddy’s doing a crappy job of killing this kid.  And I still don’t know if this is dream world or real world land.  I’m going to assume this will all be explained later.  I do not remember much of this movie.
  • Person shaped hole in the universe!  Timey wimey!
  • Hahaha, old school handheld video games.  Dude.  I have an original Gameboy – tried explaining that to my friend’s six year old – his response “Gameboy, that’s what they called them before they called them DS right?”
  • Breckin Meyer!!  Seriously, how old is this guy?  He’s been in everything for like all time.
  • I look at this therapist and all I can see is Tracy Morgan from 30 Rock – did he play this guy on SNL at some point?  Yaphet Kotto, I think?
  • Seriously, Rider Strong, just sing quietly to yourself if you need to stay awake.
  • I totally forgot the big Wizard of Oz undertones here…
  • Ah, 1991, that explains the Saved by the Bell décor and cray cray CGI.
  • Where do these people live where the cops are all “Oh, another 12 year old crackhead on the streets.” and the graffiti indicates this is a third world country?
  • Worst town fair EVER.  Although that elderly man in a tophat riding bumper cars by himself is pretty awesome.
  • DUDE, ROSEANNE!!  I forgot she was in this!  And Tom Arnold! *giggles*  Oh 90s, you were so cool.
  • Why does this social worker not notice the state of Springwood? Smoking clowns, insane Roseanne Barr…giving juvenile delinquents a van to drive back to the shelter… I am thinking someone is not the best at her job.
  • Time loop!  Which one was it where this became a thing?  #4?
  • Awww, I wanna hold an art contest for kids drawing Freddy Krueger.  It would be adorable.
  • Yeah, Carlos, I’m not so great with maps either.   At least no map has actually said to me that I’m fucked.  Misty: 1, Carlos: 0
  • Gotta admit, the whole adults gone crazy by lack of kids/empty town/etc. idea is creepy but not as well executed here as it could be.
  • Rider has no memory but all of a sudden he totally remembers Freddy Krueger and what happened in this town.
  • Freddy had a kid!!
  • Could a whole town of children really disappear with no police or government official intervention?  I mean, you can’t arrest Freddy but someone would get the blame right?
  • I really am way too tired to be witty tonight, sorry guys.
  • Fire pretty.
  • Ew, I would not sleep in a bed with dust flying up from it.  I am picky though.
  • Oh Carlos, why did you go and fall asleep?  You really are fucked.
  • Ew, I remember this part now with the qtip.  Nice touch with the little chunky bits, special effects team!
  • Oh Freddy, now you’re just mocking him.  How rude!
  • Spider ear, spider ear does whatever a spider ear does!
  • There are some really bad editing cuts in this, continuity was apparently not an issue.
  • Ha @ Carlos – “you wouldn’t do that would you man?” Carlos so doesn’t realize who he’s dealing with here.
  • Freddy used to kill people a lot faster. And not make love to blackboards…
  • Um…what kind of weed causes you to hallucinate that a broken and smashed t.v. is working?
  • Oh logic, sometimes I really wish you showed up more often in film.  But only sometimes.  This is one of those times.
  • Yay Johnny Depp!!
  • Yes, Freddy, only hippies smoke weed.
  • I really want to watch Laugh-In now.
  • I think Freddy is playing Atari here (explaining that one to the six year old was harder).
  • Wait, since when can Rider suddenly go into people’s dreams?
  • Ugh, the movie has gotten cartoonish, almost literally.
  • Okay, I just spaced out for like 10 minutes.  I still really do not like this movie.
  • Although this made me laugh – “He’s not going to get me again.  NOTHING can make me leave this bed.” End of bed catches on fire.  “Dammit.”
  • For someone who’s scared of heights, Rider looks not very concerned about his imminent death by falling 800 million feet.
  • Oh wow.  That was the worst acting I have seen in awhile.  Like really really bad.
  • I don’t know if I can finish this.  I think there’s still a half hour or more left.  I didn’t remember it being THIS bad.
  • Omg, I want to tear my hair out this is so bad.  Someone tell me something happy, please?
  • So my friends got a new kitten.  They named it Meep.
  • She looks embarrassed.  I am embarrassed for this movie.
  • Freddy’s got plans for world domination, y’all!
  • Yay – tagline!  “Every town has an Elm Street.”
  • Kung fu this bitch.  Indeed.
  • This movie lacks any tenseness, any horror and leaves me with no feelings of caring.  It’s kind of like watching that production of Evil Dead: The Musical all over again.
  • Freddy’s listing all the ways people have tried to kill him while cutting off his own fingers.  He has green ooze instead of blood in case you were wondering.
  • Oh yeah, dream people gave him this job.  That’s right, now I remember where this is going.  3D land, y’all, that’s where we’re headed.  *sighs*
  • So they’re going with the tried and true method of pulling Freddy out of the dream into the real world.  Because that’s worked so well in the past.
  • They certainly have some inspired casting in this one.  Alice Cooper as Freddy’s father/stepfather/adoptive father?
  • Blah, blah, fight to the death, blah, blah, explosion, blah, 3D, blah.
  • THE END.

This sums up the movie fairly well.

And of course the trailer:

In summary, eff you Final Nightmare, eff you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He Said/She Said: Zombie Strippers

Today’s He Said/She Said is all about the stripping zombie!  So which of us loved it and which of us hated it?  Check it out under the He Said/She Said tab to find out!

Zombie Strippers

Zombie Strippers (Unrated Special Edition) is one of those unbelievably “so bad it’s good” horror/comedies that really, really does try hard to be serious.  It gives it’s all to entertain AND teach a lesson.  *shrugs*  Well, it accomplishes half of that at least.

Zombie Strippers, starring Jenna Jameson and Robert Englund, tells the story of a futuristic world where George Bush has won his 4th term to presidency (scared yet??) and the terror alert is at a whole new record high.  There are wars not just in the Middle East but Europe too.  Nudity has been banned and the government has started a project in which they hope to devise a way to re-animate dead soldiers.  Because zombies + war = awesome?  Anyway, since the government has this ridiculously bad idea and it IS a horror movie, they of course come up with a virus that leads to zombie-dom. The zombie testing goes awry (duh), leading an escaped and bitten soldier to a quaint little strip club run by Robert Englund, where Jenna Jameson is the star stripper.  There’s dissension amongst the ranks as one stripper is highly jealous of Jenna and Robert Englund is a fastidious, creepy hypochondriac who’s also bordering on the sadistic side.  Enter the new girl at the club, a sweet Christian girl who’s only trying her hand at this so she can afford her Nana’s operation.  (There really aren’t better ways to do this, sweet Christian girl, than to be an illegal stripper??)  Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse in this little slice of heaven, Mr. “I’m About to be a Zombie” shows up.  Next thing you know, he’s attacked Jenna, who in turn becomes a zombie.  BUT…..wait for it……a zombie with a goal:  to be the best damn stripper there is.  And apparently being a zombie turns you into one hell of a stripper.

After this point the movie consists of stripping….really cool special effects stripping….dancing….more stripping….nakedness (due to the stripping)…..and occasionally the eating of human flesh, since you know, it’s a zombie movie and all.

Big laughs, small scares and a perfect waste of your time if you’re a fan of cheesy horror.