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Movie Jail Relay Race

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Thanks so much to Mike over at Mike’s Film Talk for passing me the baton in the Movie Jail Relay Race!  Been at least a month since I’ve participated in a blog-a-thon so away we go!!  🙂

The Movie Jail Relay Race was started by Nostra from My Filmviews  and Terrence from The Focused Filmographer.  Now the official rules are as follows:

”It’s time to put some movie people in jail. The object is to give a prosecutor’s argument as to why these movie people belong in “Movie Jail” whether it be for violating the integrity of the content source of one their films, or being a sell-out, just making bad movies overall, getting worse as time goes on or not being in a good movie for many years. The baton will be passed to another blogger who will have to do the following:

In order to free someone from Movie Jail they have to do 2 things

1 – Give a defense attorney argument defending the plaintiff

2 – Pay bail: the cost of which is another case for the court and a prosecutor’s argument against the actor/director of their choice that will replace the one set free.

There must always be 10 people in Movie Jail.”

Current Inmates are:

Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer

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Katherine Heigl

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Shia Labeouf

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Kristen Stewart

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Jennifer Lopez

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Damon Lindelof

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Rueben Fleischer

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Paul W.S. Anderson

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James Spader

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LINDSAY LOHAN

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The Participants (so far):

1. My Filmviews / The Focused Filmographer

2. Cinematic Corner

3. And So It Begins…

4. Surrender to the Void

5. Cinematic Paradox

6. The Cinematic Spectacle

7. Being Norma Jean

8. Defiant Success

9. …let’s be splendid about this

10. Lime Reviews and Strawberry Confessions

11. Aziza’s Picks

12. Flixchatter

13. i luv cinema

14. Public Transportation Snob

15. The Warning Sign

16. 3 Guys 1 Movie

17. Cutting Edge Creativity

18. BLANK PAGE BEATDOWN

19. Morally Oblogatory

20. Knights of Mars Roundtable

21. Head In A Vice

 22. MikesFilmTalk

23. Cinema Schminema

So who am I heisting from the big house?  Well, the majority of you are going to hunt me down with torches and pitchforks a la Doctor Frankenstein but I’m totally releasing this girl:

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That’s right.  Ms. Kristen Stewart gets a pass from me.  Why?  Well, I’m not entirely sure why she’s in jail here – I’m assuming it’s because the majority of the world thinks she’s a bad actress (emotionless and lip bitey).  Or perhaps it’s because people think she never smiles and should be happy for her fame, dammit.  Or maybe it’s because she supposedly cheated on R-Patz with that director dude.

My rebuttal?  Kristen Stewart is talented.  Hella talented actually – girl’s got chops.  I think the problem is that most people associate her with Bella from Twilight and Bella is one of the worst written female characters in recent history.  The fact that a woman wrote her makes me want to scream.  But I’m not here to discuss the underlying messages of abuse and deprecation in Twilight, so moving on…Kristen Stewart’s been acting her whole life – obviously she’s doing something right or when she moved out of the cute child phase, Hollywood would’ve dropped her like a hot potato because that’s what H’wood does.  True, a lot of stuff I’ve seen that she’s fantabulous in is older stuff but she’s been working on Twilight for what, 6 years now or something?  4 years?  A long time anyway and I’m not even going to count Snow White and the Huntsman because that whole movie was just stupid from marketing to plot (Theron was brilliant, I will give it that much).  But what about The Runaways?  Loved her in that (and loved the movie).  AdventurelandSpeakPanic Room? Fierce People?  C’mon, guys, the girl can emote.  Problem is, she’s been stuck in “lip-biting, awkward, I need a man to love me or I’ll die” Bella phase for WAY too long.  I’m hoping On The Road (which I’m dying to see as I adore Kerouac) will help break her out of the public mindset of awkward.

If it’s the never smiling thing well I feel her there because I am not a fan of the smiling at all.  My friends are constantly yelling at me to “smile, dammit!!”.  I prefer to be dark and mysterious and yeah, icy.  It’s my schtick (well sometimes, I have different ones) so I can’t begrudge the girl for not bouncing around all rainbows&sunshines&lollipops&pixies.  If it’s the “she should be happy for her fame” thing I have this to say – sometimes people become actors because they love to act, not because they want to be famous and there are tons of people out there who are actors, working actors, and can walk down the street without having cameras shoved in their face.  Yeah, fame can come with the game but it doesn’t mean you have to be completely joyous about it all the time.  I am painfully shy 50% of the time (which is WAYYYYY better than I used to be) – I can’t even function at events with lots of people without anxiety medicine – so if I ever get famous, I might be walking around all cranky looking too.  That or completely zombified from the meds…

And if it’s the supposed cheating thing?  Well, it’s none of my damn business.  And also I remember what it’s like to be that age and dear lord, if I told you all stories of me from back in the day…heh, well, I’m not gonna because the amount of stupidity I had happening in my 20s was off the charts.

AND now that I’ve released poor Ms. Stewart from her stint behind bars, I need to find someone to replace her…who, oh who should it be??  I’m thinking this guy:

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JOSS WHEDON

First, how did you guys get those bars on your pictures?? Mine suck, lol!  Second, let’s get one thing straight – I ADORE JOSS WHEDON.  Seriously, the day this dude let’s me go pick up his dry cleaning will be the best damn day of my life.  However, I fucking LOATHE The Avengers.  That was one piece of shit mockery of a film and I am completely heartbroken that my hero was behind this mess.  😦  You sold out, Whedon and you didn’t even do it well.  And that, my love, is why you are now in jail.  You go make good original kickawesome stuffs again please.

And now it’s my turn to pass on the baton and I’m passing it to our good friend, Eric over at the ipc!  Be sure to check out who he decides to spring!!  And thanks again, Mike, for letting me in on the fun that was the Movie Jail Relay Race!!  🙂