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The Machine Girl

First things first: Wow, f’ing wow, holy cow, I’m in love. I’m in love with this movie, I’m in love with The Machine Girl herself. When the Japanese want revenge, man, they REALLY know how to go about achieving it. They don’t half-ass it, not at all. Whereas Bruce Willis would go around shooting some dudes and maybe blowing up a few things, the Japanese have an all out gore fest that’s way more creative.

Let’s start at the beginning–with the fabulous opening scene of Machine Girl (“Ami”, played by Minase Yashiro) teaching a few bullies a lesson they won’t forget. The splatter starts immediately and doesn’t end. The even better thing though? The splatter is of the hilariously cheesy “are we in the 80s?” kind that makes this even more of a maniacly fun romp. From arms getting fried into tempura to a medieval ninja device that is part mace and part bear trap, this is one insane ride through a schoolgirl’s quest for vengeance.

Ami and her brother, Yu are orphans who’s parents were accused of murder and committed suicide (the details of this accused murder are not revealed). Alone in the world, they only have each other to depend on and each is fiercely protective of the other. Unfortunately, Yu and his friend Takeshi are being relentlessly bullied by a group led by the son of the ninja-yakuza clan (oh yes, not just yakuza but also ninjas.) Of course our bullies take things too far and Yu and Takeshi tragically die. While the police say it was suicide, Ami is positive this isn’t the case and goes on a one schoolgirl hunt for the truth. And just fyi, the truth involves a drill bra. (Yes, you did read that correctly.)

Hands down, this is one of the best Japanese “revengesploitation” movies I’ve ever seen. If you love Japan, if you loved Peter Jackson’s “Bad Taste”, if you love *me* at all, go watch this movie. Now. Seriously. The words “drill bra” are in this review, why are you even still reading??

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