First things first, thank you and welcome to all my new followers! Seriously, where did you all come from?? One thing you’ll quickly learn about me is that I’m a terrible blogger (no idea who gave me this job in the first place…) who is quite bad at updating due to a whole lot of factors so I apologize in advance. I’m trying to improve, for reals.
Secondly, I seem to have been nominated for a LAMMY (thanks to Tyson for pointing that out to me because I had no clue). No idea how that happened but thank you to whomever or whatever got me there – it’s so greatly appreciated!! I believe it’s common protocol to beg for votes so if you’d like to vote for me as…um…Best Horror Blog, I think…oh dear, I don’t even know if that’s right…*sighs*…well, that would also be greatly appreciated! You must be a LAMB and you can go vote for me HERE. And thank you!!!!
Now on to the main event – Snow Beast – warning, there will be spoilers ahead so if you were, like, super excited to see this please read no further.
*WARNING – SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!*
Ah….where to start with Snow Beast? Well, it’s not the 1977 Snow Beast so if you got really excited about that, sorry…But no, this gem features John Schneider ( of Dukes of Hazzard and Smallville fame) and Jason London (of London twin brother and shitting his pants in the back of a police car fame). So where to start?….
What we have here is a creature feature of the most highlarious kind. We have DAD, DAUGHTER who hates DAD and has been expelled from school for fighting, FEMALE potential love interest and ROB, token other male otherwise referred to here on out as WIMP BOY. DAD heads a research team who annually go out to the middle of Canada to track Canadian Lynx (apparently that is a job people have). Since DAUGHTER has been expelled from school, she’s forced to come with this year, whining and moaning the whole way. Jason London plays a ranger who is concerned about an unusual amount of people disappearing in the snowy Canadian wilderness as of late and who has a boss (I think it’s his boss?) who doesn’t like the cold (WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO LIVE IN CANADA??).
The majority of the movie is as follows:
DAUGHTER: Why, oh why must I be tortured like this? I can’t even get a phone signal here in the wilderness!
DAD: Perhaps you shouldn’t have gotten expelled from school then.
DAUGHTER: I hate you because Mom left! (turning to WIMP BOY) Wow, you’re, like, so HOT!
FEMALE: Where are all the lynxes this year?
WIMP BOY: *falls over his own feet*
THEN this guy shows up – he’s been not only eating the lynxes BUT all the people too! Dude, y’all! He destroys our research team’s snowmobiles and runs around being a jerk. Our team decides they must get the HELL outta there but FEMALE is all “But he’s eating the lynxes! We need to get documentation or no one will believe us and then everyone else will come in and steal our glory!” Silly FEMALE. She of course goes and gets herself killed. MALE is cranky because his potential girlfriend got all dead and stuff so he heads out to…catch the Snow Beast? Not really sure but he heads out and gets all kidnapped and stuck in a snow cave for later consumption which leaves WIMP BOY alone with DAUGHTER for a night defending themselves in their log cabin from the Snow Beast which goes a little like this:
DAUGHTER: OMG, we’re gonna die!!
WIMP BOY: Yeah, probably…
DAUGHTER: You’re supposed to the brave one!!
WIMP BOY: Why?
DAUGHTER: So I’m not scared!! I wish my dad was here.
WIMP BOY: Me too. He’s super brave and shiz.
And then later on:
DAUGHTER: What am I supposed to do if dad’s dead? I go home and then what?…
WIMP BOY: Eh, you’ll figure something out Orphan Girl.
And then comes the awesome ending that involves dragging raw food on a garbage can lid to lure Snow Beast out (of course WIMP BOY makes the DAUGHTER carry this) so they can shoot the Snow Beast full of tranquilizers and try to save MALE from the snow cave. The best part EVER?? MALE is still alive, WIMP BOY and DAUGHTER grab him and THEN MALE and DAUGHTER run for their lives leaving WIMP BOY to his doom. *giggles* I’m watching and am like, “What the hell? You people suck!” Totes brill.
Now that Nightmare is over and done with, I’m finally free to start with Nostalgiathon 2012! And my very first entry is the 1991 film, Man in the Moon. Starring Reese Witherspoon in her very first time onscreen and featuring Sam Waterson in his last theatrical film before he started with Law & Order, this is a film I had completely and utterly forgotten about until I browsed HBO Go a couple of nights ago and found it and was flooded with hazy memories of having loved it when I was eleven. What better way to start of Nostalgiathon right?
Directed by Robert Mulligan and also starring Jason London (do y’all remember those London twins??), Man in the Moon is set in the summer of 1957 and focuses on the Tant sisters, Dani (Witherspoon) and Maureen (Emily Warfield). Dani is fourteen and a firecracker who still likes to run off down the pond to go skinny dipping while Maureen is seventeen and dreaming about what the future holds for her.
One day whilst skinny dipping, Dani meets Court (London) a new neighbor whose family has actually been friends with her parents since high school (prior to moving away and then moving back). It isn’t instantaneous, but pretty darn close, before Dani is head over heels for Court. They become great friends and Court even gives Dani her first kiss. This is all before Court finally meets Maureen and, for them, love is instantaneous which leads to hurt feelings all over the place and confusion on Dani’s part. When tragedy strikes will Dani find it in her heart to forgive her older sister or will their relationship be lost forever?
I don’t know why I loved this as a child – I don’t remember a lot from childhood – but I’m going to say it was probably the melodrama because I was quite the melodramatic child (and may or may not tends toward melodrama now… ;)). I’m sure it struck some chords with me for a variety of reasons – the Tants reminding me a bit of my own family, not knowing who I was at eleven or who I would be but dreaming of leaving the small town I was stuck in for bigger and better things, plus first love – I imagine all little girls dream of that at some point. So how did it fare watching it as an adult?
Frankly, I really enjoyed it. Sure there were scenes that were totally contrived and the melodrama was over the top at points but I still enjoyed the story and I still got a tear in my eye at a few points. This won’t be a movie that I’ll go out and buy and watch again and again but I imagine in another ten years, I’ll likely get a hankering for it.
One last note – if you’re only familiar with Reese Witherspoon from her days in romantic comedies, I highly suggest you go back and check out her earlier work.