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Return to Horror High

 

There are two reasons I decided to watch Return to Horror High.  One was the wicked awesome movie poster (c’mon, that’s so totes kickawesome!).  Two was the fact that George Clooney stars in it. Or so they said (and by they I mean whoever marketed this on Netflix).  Lemme tell you something though – they LIED.  George Clooney does NOT star in this.  George Clooney is in this thing for the first 10 minutes, 15 minutes top and is the first to die!  That’s not starring people, that’s just being horror film fodder!  Grrrr….Sorry for the spoiler there, just don’t want anyone else going in all excited about a young George Clooney only to be woefully disappointed.  >:-|

Ahhhh, dreamy George Clooney…remember when George was dreamy??

So yeah, George doesn’t star but you know who does?  Well, sort of.  She’s in the whole movie at least.  This girl:

Maureen McCormick as the oddly slutty, gets off on blood and eats a lot cop.

This is another movie that I found to be a whole helluva lot of fun but found oddly lacking in the plot department.  Back in 1982, the town of Crippen was rocked by a series of murders at Crippen High School. The killer was never caught. Several years later, Cosmic Pictures, headed by sleazy producer Harry Sleerik, has come to Crippen to make a movie about the murders, setting up shop in the high school. However, it seems the killer is still there, and as crew and cast members disappear left and right, it’s up to ex-student/cop/leading man Steven Blake and leading lady Callie Cassidy to get to the bottom of this.

Fake boobs? My grandmother can’t watch that!!

So yeah, that producer guy is one heck of a sleazeball and people keep dying right and left and the whole thing goes back and forth between 1982, current and after the murders to when the cops show up so it’s like a movie within a movie within a movie and I’m not even sure who all died here or if anyone actually died.  It’s one of THOSE movies.

And these guys are in the movie too…

Which is why I don’t have much to say about it really other than I enjoyed it, it made me laugh and if you’re a fan of retro horror and young George Clooney, you’ll probably like this.  There’s a lot of great actors in it and it’s just so…random. Has anyone else seen this?  Am I still just needing to catch up on sleep or did it actually not make a whole helluva lot of sense?

One last thing, I recently discovered a movie entitled “Antfarm Dickhole”.  Yes, I will be watching this weekend and yes, it will be the next review (although I don’t know if it will be a full review or simply a First Five…so many possibilities for a movie with that name!).