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Freak Dance


Guys…guys, guys, guys…I really am not quite sure what to say about Freak Dance. It’s either the most brilliant social commentary ever done or the worst movie Amy Poehler has ever been in.  I seriously can’t decide.  I watched this about 3 days ago and it’s taken me this long to even attempt to write a review.  Bullet points can’t really suffice because there’s too much WTF? happening – it would be the longest post ever.  I could do another picture only review but it still won’t quite capture the…magic that is this movie. So I’ll see what I can do here because words kind of escape me when it comes to this.

Let's start here...

Let’s start here…

We open on a young girl dressed as a ballerina dancing around her room in her mansion (and when I say young I mean 20 something).  Cocolonia, as she’s called, wants to dance more than anything but her mother has forbidden it.  So Cocolonia runs away to the streets to become a true street dancer, even though technically she can never be because she comes from money and has never smoked marijuana.  Okay?

Then we have two street dance groups who are mortal enemies – Fantaseez and Dazzles.  Fantaseez people are all about the love of the dance and dancing for love while Dazzles group is about dancing for sex.  Also the main leader of Dazzles was, I’m fairly certain, either Richard Simmons or Perez Hilton…With Fantaseez, you get a lot of quotes about dancing like, “Learning to read is what dancing is all about.” or “Staying away from drugs is what dancing is all about”.  There’s also A LOT of talk about dance bulges and how they help enable balance.  Oh and there’s singing, did I mention the singing yet??

So Cocolonia joins up with Fantaseez and after they teach her how to work her ass (no, really), she kind of sort of becomes a member and starts to fall in love with their leader, Funky Bunch.  Also there’s a scene in a slaughterhouse when she’s trying to learn to be poor.

"Just look at his dance bulge!!"

“Just look at his dance bulge!!”

Of course there’s an underground dance competition that turns into a freak dance off in an effort to save Fantaseez meeting place from being shut down by a building inspector who has ulterior motives and also the FBI is involved…or the CIA…I forget which.  So the question is, can Fantaseez be saved?  Will Dazzles convince Cocolonia to become a sex dancer?  Who can outfreak the other??  Do you think it’s possible I could tweet Amy Poehler and actually score an interview with her about her motivations for being in this movie???

Okay, I kind of loved it.  It’s not for everyone, hell, it’s really not for the majority of people and I think there’s maybe one person reading this who might enjoy it. But seriously, it’s kind of brilliant.  No, really…