Blog Archives

Vampz! Webseries Episode 1

This was originally posted on Rogue Cinema back in February but now that the rest of the series has been going up, I’m reviewing the whole thing here, episode by episode.  To read the original, go here!

vampz

VAMPZ!, written by Omar Attia and Lenny Buccellato, is about the supernatural hijinks & misadventures of Simone, a “wannabe vampire” and her ditzy cheerleader roomie, Ashlee. Described on their Facebook page as “a horror comedy webisode series that could be described as Fright Night meets Three’s Company (without even a whiff of Twilight)”, I’d say it’s exactly that (although Twilight is mentioned though only in mocking ;)).

Currently, there’s only the first episode of this web series up on YouTube and it starts out strong with Simone interviewing several people as potential roommates. As the view switches from potential roommate to potential roommate, their hilarious stories of roommates past and their interests (really? Tentacle porn??) overlap to create a hysterical montage that really drives home the fact that finding someone to live with is scary business. To add to that scariness, when the three potentials say to Simone, “Gee, you kind of look like a vampire…” she responds with, “I AM a vampire! Duh!”. Oh Simone, with your black hair and gothy ways…we’ll see how far that gets you in life…

After another day of hapless searching, Simone’s annoying fraternal twin brother comes over to cheer her up. Or something. Then arrives, Ashlee, who can best be described as one of those annoyingly cheerful, ditzy cheerleader girls that you always kind of wanted to kick in high school. Simone is full of “No effing way!” till her brother points out that she’s already said no to 30 something other people and can’t pay the rent herself. With a sigh of disgust, Simone agrees to let Ashlee move in.

So what happens next? Oh, but that’s much too fun to give away, dear reader, so you’ll simply have to watch for yourself. This is exactly the kind of web series I love – silly, irreverent and with a touch of darkness. The script is fun and I love the way this is shot – not sure what kind of camera they used but there’s a blur around the edges that makes it all a little dreamy (oh and speaking of dreams, wait till you see the dream sequence in this one. Ha!). All the actors do a fine job with their parts with the stand out being Louis Bacigalup as Simone’s annoying brother (seriously I kinda wanna give the guy a good kick to the shins).

So head on over to Youtube and check them out!

Mark of the Witch

First, let me apologize – He Said/She Said will be on hiatus for a couple of weeks due to play rehearsal ramping up.  I am also wayyyy behind on my blog reading but will be catching up in the next couple of days!  Now to our regularly scheduled programming…

There’s an important lesson to be learned from Mark Of The Witch – if you mess with a witch, things will get awkward.  And by awkward I mean the Michael Cera kind of awkward, not the scary kind.

Mark Of The Witch starts off badly and never gets any better.  The first scene is the hanging of a woman accused of witchcraft.  This is a woman of many, MANY words.  Her final farewell to life lasts for so long that one keeps expecting the executioner to kick the stool out from under her feet just to shut her up.  But he doesn’t.  Instead he lets her go on and on and on, even letting her finish her final curse of the village before dying.  AWKWARD.

You will all die…and so will your sons and your sons’ sons and your sons’ sons’ sons….and so on and so forth…yada yada yada…

Next comes the worst theme song ever.  I assume there wasn’t a lot of money for sound production because I’m fairly certain the song is being spokesung (think Ke$ha) by someone’s mother in a closet.

Finally, finally it’s present day (or at least sometime in the 1970s) and we have a group of college students who like to party with their college professor and read old books, you know, the kind of old books with strange symbols and ancient languages, the kind that clearly emanate a strong “Do Not Read Me” vibe.  Yet they do and Ms. Mouthy Witch from the past is called into the present to inhabit the body of the most annoyingly cheerful girl who is filled with sweetness and light.  It’s an awkward transition to say the least.

I wish I could tell you more of the plot here but honestly I can’t remember what was supposed to be happening.  The newly back to the living witch seems to want to call forth her dead coven which leads to murders and the such but with random, jumpy editing, it’s hard to follow.  The plot does finally reach a culminative point however in……wait for it…..the most badly choreographed, most awkward fireside ritual EVER.  If I had the proper words, I could truly paint a vision for you here.  Instead I leave you with this image:: cheerleader robots having seizures.

Oddly, this is the first picture that comes up when you type “robot cheerleaders having seizures” into Google Images…

As for the ending?  Who knows?  All that matters is that I learned that messing around with the dark arts leads to very awkward embarrassing times for everybody.