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Miss Freelance (2019)
So, I was sent this film a couple of times and finally found time to check it out. It came with the description:
The film follows a week in the life of a young woman who freelances for strange men throughout New York City.
I think a more apt description would have been:
The film follows a young woman as she rides in taxis, takes the subway, walks around the city, puts on makeup, brushes her hair, and oh yeah, occasionally works as a sex worker.
Not kidding, half of this film is just the woman in taxis, walking around the streets, and in the subway.
A quarter of it is makeup & hair and the final quarter is a handful of random men that she either fucks, robs, or otherwise fills some kind of need for. Guy 1 wants to do a reverse Bill Cosby (he drugs himself and she takes advantage); Guy 2 she just fucks; Guy 3 is…I don’t even know, either he’s her actual (married) boyfriend or he just needs her to step in and pretend to have a conversation about not loving him; Guy 4 is, I think, Guy 2 again (either way they fuck); and Guy 5 likes to have his hair stroked while being told he’s a piece of shit.
The entirety of this film it’s seems Carly doesn’t want to be doing what she’s doing (despite the odd, random conversation with Guy 3 about how these are mutual relationships she’s having with these guys where they both get something). She cries, stares mournfully out taxi windows, gets drunk and gets sick, and barely says a word. So, I’m not sure why she’s doing it? Since there’s no indication she’s having any fun, maybe it’s an “this economy sucks” thing? She doesn’t work with a group, so the choice seems to be entirely up to her. Kinda confusing.
Overall, this is just not a film that works. It’s dull, the group of men is forgettable, and there’s seemingly no motivations for our main character. Maybe if everyone wasn’t so one-note, it would be a bit better. (And it would definitely be better without all the “traveling around the city” shots.) I dunno, guys. Miss Freelance just doesn’t really have a point. Not one I can recommend.
Buttcrack
Shakespeare it’s not, but Buttcrack
So what’s it about you ask? Well, it’s about friendship and roommates, preacher men and witches, zombies and buttcracks. This film packs in a whole heck of a lot in its 68 minutes. Sadly, however, it’s still not quite enough to satisfy this girl.
The story (what little there is of one) follows a pair of roommates. One’s a decent sort of fella (we know this because he has a girlfriend and clothes that fit) and the other? Well, the other is slovenly and constantly has his crack on display. Mr. Decent and his girlfriend finally reach the point where they can no longer stand Mr. Buttcrack and after what may be the lamest marriage proposal in the history of the world and a nice little vomiting scene, Mr. Decent accidentally (“accidentally”?) kills Mr. Buttcrack by dropping a radio in a tub. Oh but wait! Mr. Buttcrack has a sister who’s a witch and she brings him back to life so all can experience ZOMBIE BUTTCRACK!!!!! Muahahahahaaaa! What more could one want from a movie? Just for extra measure, there’s also a very strange, slightly creepy preacher man (who actually refers to himself as “Preacher Man”), the scariest clown portraits you’ve ever seen and the lamest “1 Year Later” sequence ever. And there you have it. Clowns, preachers, witches, buttcracks and zombies all rolled into one little film.
I can’t recommend this movie but neither can I give it a “Run Away Screaming Rating”. Watch at your own risk and consideration. And remember, “We’re all zombies in the end!”
Cinema Schminema 