Category Archives: Misty’s Train of Thought

Tremors: A Cold Day in Hell

Tremors6

Let me preface this by saying that the only reason I watched this (the ONLY reason) was because of the title. 😂 I haven’t watched a Tremors movie since I saw the original with my parents way the hell back in 1990 (my mother loving Reba McEntire was the only reason we watched THAT one). I hated the original – the worms totally freaked me out as a kid, lol – but this title was just too great to resist. And, oh, it did not disappoint. So much badness, so much hilarity. *sighs*

tremors-cdh-feature

Ass blaster!!!

There was so much going on – and having missed the majority of the series, so much I was confused about – that I took notes. Enjoy the stream of consciousness that is Tremors: A Cold Day in Hell.

  • Oh, hey, Michael Gross! Watcha yelling at that IRS guy for? Oh, you are going to lose your country store for some reason. No worries, I’m sure that won’t be an issue in 10 minutes or so.
  • Well, hello there, Jamie Kennedy! Where the hell have you been?
  • Yikes. Worm thingies in the Arctic.
  • Wait? Flying tremors thingies?? Called “ass blasters” -WTF?
  • Pretty sure I would’ve had a reaction to going down in a plane with an alcoholic pilot, but sure, okay. Not an issue for Gross or Kennedy. They’re hardcore.
  • “Arctic heatwave” – seems to be an oxymoron…
  • Calls meeting an ass blaster whilst in the plane “a dogfight” when really they just let the thing run into them, lmao. Nice save. 
  • DARPA has trained dolphins to carry bombs & has created cyborg insects?? Jfc.
  • Ass blasters breathe fire?? Why are there dragons? (Are these things SERIOUSLY called “ass blasters”??)
  • Awwww, look at Jamie Kennedy macking on the Elizabeth Olson lookalike
  • “trying to get sweet with me” are words I have never said nor will I ever say.
  • “I have balls of steel. My balls are stainless steel. My balls are in the Guinness book of balls.”
  • The ass blasters have sonic voices now too? The fuck happened to this series, lololol?
  • Dude, they explode into fire when they die. Pretty. And kickass.
  • And their sonic voice thing lasts after they die and causes visions? So confused.
  • Gross has a tapeworm that’s causing the sonic voice headache/visions?
  • Every woman working in the field of science/geology/wtf-scienceology is really pretty, but all the men in these fields are very much NOT.
  • Aw, they did a JAWS tribute! Graboid in the water!
  • Wait, he ALSO has a parasitic organism on top of the tapeworm they removed? And he’s infected with a toxin from a graboid? 
  • Graboid PTSD sucks
  • Have to extract antibodies from a live graboid to save Gross. Because, of course.
  • These people are so dumb. They’re not even carrying swords or knives to cut off the graboid tentacle thingies. Just guns. They could’ve saved that girl if they’d just had a freaking sword, for fucks’ sake. Or an ax. A sharp object is my point.
  • Obviously, this truck will outrun the graboid/ass blasters!
  • Did they just leave that guy out there on the water tower thingie by himself? Nice.
  • Time to go on a worm hunt!
  • Oh good, the guy they ditched on the tower is still alive. You go, guy!
  • No, I’d rather die than go pantsless because I’m not wearing underwear!
  • How is a guy pissing such a huge distraction for the worms?
  • Wait, Gross is Kennedy’s father?? When did this happen?
  • He named the worm “sally soul-smasher” after his ex. *giggles*
  • Who’s gonna pay for all this damage?
  • Oh, they’re making bombs now! Okay.
  • Guys, now is not the time for family drama…
  • Uh-oh, looks like tower guy is gonna get eaten.
  • Ew, graboid goo.
  • What does DARPA have to do with the IRS?
  • How dare you try to save my life, you bastard!!
  • So lost on what their great plan is.
  • Huh, okay. I guess that plan to catch it didn’t suck.
  • Thank fucking god someone used a freaking sharp object.
  • Could’ve lived without old man butt…
  • Aw, all that work to save that old cranky jerkface and he’s gonna die anyway?
  • Wait, no, now he’s living? 
  • “How do you not die? You never die!”
  • EW. Why are you kissing the guy covered in graboid goo? Save it for when he’s clean!
michael gross tremors main

Name a more iconic father/son duo. Go on, I’ll wait.

And there you have the gist of TREMORS: A COLD DAY IN HELL, a delightfully terrible film about giant worm thingies that not only jump out of the ground but now also apparently fly and spit fire (because, of course, they do). There’s family drama and stupid situations and idiot people doing idiot things – pretty funny stuff! No clue how this one holds up to the rest of the TREMORS series, so feel free to fill me in, because I’m honestly kind of curious. Now excuse me while I go watch something good. 😉

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Happy Thanksgiving, Y’all!

Thankskilling

Today’s the day of turkey and gratefulness and to combine these two things, I’m sharing one of my favorite Thanksgiving movies – Thankskilling!! There’s nothing better than a homicidal turkey and topless Pilgrims on Thanksgiving, so I suggest you give Thankskilling a view after you’ve killed your turkey dinner. Heh. Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends!

I am The Ripper

i am the ripper

It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these, so let’s see how it goes.  Entering Misty’s stream of consciousness in 3, 2, 1….

    • Freakannibal Pictures – so far I like this.
    • Um….what?  Please tell me the entire movie isn’t filmed on a home camera.
    • “Take a look at yourself.  You’re black, you’re equipped” dude grabs other dude’s crotch…
    • Orgasmatron.  My new favorite word.
    • Did I mention this is a foreign film?
    • Apparently this was made before Alien vs. Predator cause two dudes are having an argument about who would win.
    • Wait, Harry Potter is in this??
    • Is Predator really art?
    • Seriously how old is this movie??
    • This party sucks.
    • That guy just said “I have ants in my pants” while wondering where all the women are.  Wait, I watched that movie already.  It was called “Antfarm Dickhole”…
    • Great, now Netflix is having trouble loading this cinematic masterpiece. *sighs*
    • This is taking forever.  So…so far we’ve got a group of kids that are at a party being filmed with a really really lousy camera; a hot chick that’s really into comics and nerdy guys; a guy I’m pretty sure is my ex-boyfriend; Harry Potter; and a bunch of dudes making asses of themselves trying to get laid.  I am VERY excited for the killer to come along!
    • Still waiting on Netflix to load…so…um…it’s been snowy a lot…yeah…I got new tires on my car!  But now I apparently need like $900 worth of more work done.  So that sucks.
    • Oh wait, movie is back!
    • “A blond with culture?  Now I’ve seen everything!”  This movie is so charming…
    • I think Yann is about to die!!
    • Apparently this guy doesn’t get out much because he just got way too excited about a t.v. and peanuts.
    • Oh thank goodness someone is dying.  Maybe the rest of them will now too.  They really are a disgusting bunch of kids, no lie.  Some guy just came while this girl was making out with him and everyone’s mocking him now, lol.  He needs new trousers.
    • Now Cecile (because apparently that’s her name) is all over Harry Potter who’s fondling a stuffed animal boa constrictor.
    • More death??
    • Dude, the Ripper just ninja’d that girl’s head!
    • Blood’s dripping from the ceiling and this witty guy asks the girl sitting next to him if she’s having her period.
    • Yay! The Ripper just showed up to the party with the girl’s head and started killing!!  And some guy is being a bad ass and karate chopping him.  w00t!
    • OW.  Dude did the splits only to get his leg broken.  And then he died. Is “poof” an insult?  I think these kids are French.
    • Oooohhh, the kids are stuck in a loop!  They can only  just go back to the living room they were partying in.  Yet, they’re still trying to run…five minutes later…*sighs*  These guys are not too bright.  And every time they enter the living room, this one kid falls onto his knees, screaming “No!!!!!!!”.  *giggles*
    • Now, the guy who came while he was making out is beating to death Cecile while some other guy laughs hysterically in the background.  Oh wait, she’s okay.  Cum Guy is a douchebag and a half.
    • Oh no!  I think Comic Book Hottie is about to die!
    • Now Comic Book Hottie is going around trying to kill people.  I’m going to assume that the Ripper is a spirit and not a person.  How much longer is this movie? Oh lord, an hour and eleven minutes.  We’ve only covered 21 minutes.
    • Wait, now the Ripper is with the other group (cause they split up) and now everyone has guns.  And he just punched a guy’s head in.  I’m so confused.
    • Comic Book Hottie just ripped my ex-boyfriend looking dude’s heart out.  And knifed/sworded ….
    • Wait, where did the machine guns come from?  I think everybody is almost dead so how on earth is this another hour and some odd minutes?
    • What is up with all the guys in this movie punching girls??  What a bunch of a-holes
    • Awww, good for that one girl, she just stabbed one of the dudes that punched her with a pair of scissors.
    • Okay…so the Ripper is just a skeleton.  And he told these two kids to look behind them and now there’s really bad CGI and they’re terrified!
    • They’re also getting ripped apart by heavy metal concert rejects that I’m taking to be some sort of demons or something, I should probably add that.
    • Looks like we’re down to one guy and he’s fighting the Ripper, both with guns again, and I think we still have an hour left of this thing.  And um, the bullets are cartoon bullets.
    • Aw, dude’s gun is out of bullets and the Ripper is bored.  But dude went to look for another weapon so it’s all cool and shiz.  Well, except the Ripper got tired of waiting and is kicking his ass.
    • And…the Ripper just showed him the bad CGI and now dude is crying!
    • Oh, snap.  The Ripper just challenged him to a duel!  A wrestling match.  He said “I’ll be the Undertaker and you can be Hulk Hogan”.  Ha!
    • Okay, Dude has to take a rest and then train for 24 hours.  Then they have the wrestling match.  Oh, and they’re meeting in a public place tomorrow for this match apparently.
    • I bet we get a training montage now!!
    • Netflix just stopped again.  This movie hates me!
    • So…yeah…how’s everybody doing?  Handling the cold okay and all?  I, for one, cannot WAIT for spring!
    • So the Ripper is actually the Grim Reaper.  So I guess instead of playing chess, they’re doing it old school wrestling style.
    • Instead of training, Dude is seeing what’s on t.v.  NOT watching wrestling but watching some toys fighting. He’s super smart. y’all.
    • Oh, HERE’s the nudity we were lacking the rest of the movie.  Watching porn will definitely help him battle the Grim Reaper.
    • Aw, Grimmie killed the porn lady while he says “You’ve got nothing better to do than watch rubbish, you have 21 hours left.”
    • Now Dude has decided he’s going to commit suicide in the middle of the street.  And then two of his dead friends come back with guns and start shooting random bystanders.  I’m still confused…
    • This was made in 2004.  Is all this gun violence supposed to be some sort of political statement?
    • Okay, dude succeeded in killing himself so I guess there’s no wrestling match??  Dammit, I was looking forward to that!
    • He’s talking to all his dead friends now and his friends are saying that Grimmie gave them two options – either go to hell or work for him.  So they decided to work for Grimmie or “the Big Boss” as they call him.  And now that Dude is dead, Grimmie says no wrestling match but Dude has to kill someone he loved while he was alive.
    • Oh, wait, Comic Book Hottie is apparently still alive so Dude has to kill her!  Otherwise all his friend’s contracts will be up and everybody goes to hell.
    • THERE’S STILL 46 MINUTES LEFT IN THIS MOVIE.  I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN TAKE IT.
    • A third friend has shown up saying he’s actually an angel and infiltrated their group.  But now he thinks there are better benefits working for Death.
    • Comic Book Hottie is really confused and pissed off upon seeing Dude.  Thinking Dude is going to up and kill her like he’s supposed to.  Wait, no, he’s walking away.
    • Sorry guys, the movie has gotten way less fun and way more boring now.
    • They all just got randomly shot by someone in an elevator…
    • Dude went back to see Comic Book Hottie but he’s now saving her from his dead friends.  And there’s a lot of guns again.
    • Random goth girl.
    • Lots of fighting.
  • Oh, goth girl is an Angel of Death.  She told dead friend #1 to bring her Dude because he failed in killing Comic Book Hottie and his soul now belongs to goth girl.
  • Comic Book Hottie wouldn’t stop shouting that Dude was a coward and had no balls so he finally shot her.
  • Another shoot out between two dead guys.
  • Now the angels are fighting…
  • Goth girl/Angel of Death told Dude that his soul belongs to her and she’ll come back and take it whenever she wants.  I really wish she’d come do that now.  But instead he goes to some Halloween party at some bar.
  • And there’s still 22 minutes left.  I think I’m going to skip watching the band “sing” and go make a sandwich.
  • Oh joy.  The goth girl/Angel of Death is back and now there’s another shoot out in the bar.  This movie isn’t predictable at all.  Nope.  I wonder what will happen next?  Oh.  Another fight.  Of course.  *sighs*
  • Goth girl/Angel of Death just lost her head.  Man, that sucks.
  • Yay!  Grimmie showed back up!  They’re finally going to have their duel!
  • They’re dueling with daggers or some shiz.  Worst duel EVER.
  • Uh-oh.  Grimmie is in trouble for killing people whenever he wants! Now he’s dueling a whole committee of men in masks with his apparently brand new super powers.  He thinks he’s a Jedi, ha!
  • Now Grimmie is being punished and wants Dude to become Death.  And Dude is all, “What a load of rubbish.”
  • And then Dude’s face exploded all over the place and he became Death.

THE FREAKING END.

So to sum up, I’m sure there was some sort of meta or existentialist message here somewhere but I totally missed it, although I do have to admit that for being incredibly lo-budget, the cinematography wasn’t that bad (especially considering it was 2004) but still watch this one at your own risk.