Category Archives: Creature Feature
Tremors: A Cold Day in Hell
Let me preface this by saying that the only reason I watched this (the ONLY reason) was because of the title. 😂 I haven’t watched a Tremors movie since I saw the original with my parents way the hell back in 1990 (my mother loving Reba McEntire was the only reason we watched THAT one). I hated the original – the worms totally freaked me out as a kid, lol – but this title was just too great to resist. And, oh, it did not disappoint. So much badness, so much hilarity. *sighs*
There was so much going on – and having missed the majority of the series, so much I was confused about – that I took notes. Enjoy the stream of consciousness that is Tremors: A Cold Day in Hell.
- Oh, hey, Michael Gross! Watcha yelling at that IRS guy for? Oh, you are going to lose your country store for some reason. No worries, I’m sure that won’t be an issue in 10 minutes or so.
- Well, hello there, Jamie Kennedy! Where the hell have you been?
- Yikes. Worm thingies in the Arctic.
- Wait? Flying tremors thingies?? Called “ass blasters” -WTF?
- Pretty sure I would’ve had a reaction to going down in a plane with an alcoholic pilot, but sure, okay. Not an issue for Gross or Kennedy. They’re hardcore.
- “Arctic heatwave” – seems to be an oxymoron…
- Calls meeting an ass blaster whilst in the plane “a dogfight” when really they just let the thing run into them, lmao. Nice save.
- DARPA has trained dolphins to carry bombs & has created cyborg insects?? Jfc.
- Ass blasters breathe fire?? Why are there dragons? (Are these things SERIOUSLY called “ass blasters”??)
- Awwww, look at Jamie Kennedy macking on the Elizabeth Olson lookalike
- “trying to get sweet with me” are words I have never said nor will I ever say.
- “I have balls of steel. My balls are stainless steel. My balls are in the Guinness book of balls.”
- The ass blasters have sonic voices now too? The fuck happened to this series, lololol?
- Dude, they explode into fire when they die. Pretty. And kickass.
- And their sonic voice thing lasts after they die and causes visions? So confused.
- Gross has a tapeworm that’s causing the sonic voice headache/visions?
- Every woman working in the field of science/geology/wtf-scienceology is really pretty, but all the men in these fields are very much NOT.
- Aw, they did a JAWS tribute! Graboid in the water!
- Wait, he ALSO has a parasitic organism on top of the tapeworm they removed? And he’s infected with a toxin from a graboid?
- Graboid PTSD sucks
- Have to extract antibodies from a live graboid to save Gross. Because, of course.
- These people are so dumb. They’re not even carrying swords or knives to cut off the graboid tentacle thingies. Just guns. They could’ve saved that girl if they’d just had a freaking sword, for fucks’ sake. Or an ax. A sharp object is my point.
- Obviously, this truck will outrun the graboid/ass blasters!
- Did they just leave that guy out there on the water tower thingie by himself? Nice.
- Time to go on a worm hunt!
- Oh good, the guy they ditched on the tower is still alive. You go, guy!
- No, I’d rather die than go pantsless because I’m not wearing underwear!
- How is a guy pissing such a huge distraction for the worms?
- Wait, Gross is Kennedy’s father?? When did this happen?
- He named the worm “sally soul-smasher” after his ex. *giggles*
- Who’s gonna pay for all this damage?
- Oh, they’re making bombs now! Okay.
- Guys, now is not the time for family drama…
- Uh-oh, looks like tower guy is gonna get eaten.
- Ew, graboid goo.
- What does DARPA have to do with the IRS?
- How dare you try to save my life, you bastard!!
- So lost on what their great plan is.
- Huh, okay. I guess that plan to catch it didn’t suck.
- Thank fucking god someone used a freaking sharp object.
- Could’ve lived without old man butt…
- Aw, all that work to save that old cranky jerkface and he’s gonna die anyway?
- Wait, no, now he’s living?
- “How do you not die? You never die!”
- EW. Why are you kissing the guy covered in graboid goo? Save it for when he’s clean!
And there you have the gist of TREMORS: A COLD DAY IN HELL, a delightfully terrible film about giant worm thingies that not only jump out of the ground but now also apparently fly and spit fire (because, of course, they do). There’s family drama and stupid situations and idiot people doing idiot things – pretty funny stuff! No clue how this one holds up to the rest of the TREMORS series, so feel free to fill me in, because I’m honestly kind of curious. Now excuse me while I go watch something good. 😉
Happy Thanksgiving, y’all! Hope it was super fabulous and delicious! As always, THANKSKILLING is an absolute *MUST* to follow up all that food, family, fun & dysfunction so ENJOY!
Since I haven’t been so much in a blogging about movies mood but have managed to watch a few flicks, I’d thought I’d do some quickie reviews. Maybe it’ll help get my head back in the game. 🙂
This is a fun little documentary if you’re into Star Wars. Did you know there’s a place in NYC where they teach you to fight with light sabers??? How cool is that?? This also features a belly dancing Leia and well, that’s just hot. Like TOTES.
Loved this one, though it broke my heart a little. Based off a book from the 1800s, I believe, this one tells the story of a Maisie, a little girl caught between absent, bitter parents and their respective much younger lovers. Featuring the total hottie that is Alexander Skarsgard and a very awesome Julianne Moore, this is a fabulous little drama that teaches you what NOT to do if you get divorced with kids. Seriously people. *eye roll*
Hehehe. Drunk people and aliens – why did no one ever think of this before?? Or did they and I just missed that movie? Anyway, this one reminds me a lot of Slither and I loved that movie so very much. Great cast (especially when everybody starts getting drunk) and super fun, definitely add this one to your list.
And other than that, I’ve mostly been catching up on the last season of The Walking Dead and Chuck (my dad used to LOVE that show so much, he would call me every week to remind me it was on but I never made it past the first season – it’s actually amusing just a little short on plot as they pretty much keep doing the same plotlines over and over again).
Till next time!
I was sent this screener recently and wasn’t sure I was going to find anything to like about it. It just didn’t seem to be my type of humor. Oddly enough, however, I ended up really digging this story about a guy who shits out a demon on the reg. Quite strange really. Maybe I was just having an off day. 😉
Duncan’s (Ken Marino) life is a real pain in the ass. Tormented by a manipulative, crooked boss (Patrick Warburton), a nagging mother (Mary Kay Place), a deadbeat new age dad (Stephen Root), and a sweet, yet pressuring, wife (Gillian Jacobs), his mounting stress starts to trigger an insufferable gastrointestinal reaction.
Out of ideas and at the end of his rope, Duncan seeks the help of a hypnotherapist (Peter Stormare), who helps him discover the root of his unusual stomach pain: a pintsized demon living in his intestine that, triggered by excessive anxiety, forces its way out and slaughters the people who have angered him. Out of fear that his intestinal gremlin may target its wrath on the wrong person, Duncan attempts to befriend it, naming it Milo and indulging it to keep its seemingly insatiable appetite at bay.
You wouldn’t expect to find a lot of sweet in a movie like Bad Milo but it actually was rather touching. Touching in the way Dead Alive is touching sure (oh c’mon, it totally is!!) but touching nonetheless. The relationship between Duncan and Milo, while being a relationship of manipulation is also a cute friendship/father and son relationship, a relationship which actually ends up bringing Duncan closer to his own estranged father. There’s hope here, folks.
And I do love when people’s feelings and emotions become physical manifestations because who HASN’T felt like they were so stressed out that their stress was just going to become this thing, this entity and go around wreaking havoc? We have so all totally been there. TOTES. So Bad Milo wins points for that.
It even wins points for the gross out factor. Gross out is something where I can go either direction, just depends on how it’s presented. Jackass? Hate it. This movie, totes down with it. Probably helps that the majority of the gross out factor is either alluded to or is of a bloody nature rather than a shitty one. It really is the finite details that can make all the difference, peeps.
Bad Milo definitely isn’t for everyone. Hell, I can think of about 10 people right off the bat that it isn’t for. But if you take a chance and look past the fact that this is a movie about a dude who has a demon that comes out of his ass, you might just be pleasantly surprised, as I was.
And if you wanna find out more about Bad Milo or find out how you can watch, check out Magnolia Pictures site!
So I got the heads up about this baby from writer/director, Jim Ojala. Jim has a professional background in Special Makeup/Creature FX (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Deadgirl, PROXY, Hellboy 2, Where the Wild Things Are, Pacific Rim, etc.)- HE WORKED ON BUFFY!!!! *SQUEAL OF EXCITEMENT* Ahem…I’m back….So how does his special makeup background fit in? Well, Strange Nature is an eco-thriller that revolves around the ongoing unsolved frog deformity outbreaks in the U.S. and the dangerous places they may lead. With Jim’s awesome special effects background, he and the rest of his team can bring the more fantastic elements of where these deadly deformities can lead to startling realism in the film….plus it helps keep practical FX alive! If people believe it on screen maybe they’ll pay attention to the real problem as well.
Also cool is the support they’ve gotten from the ecological community. One of their strongest supporters, Dr. Pieter Johnson of University of Colorado, and his research team found a population of frogs in Oregon this year where every frog suffered a deformity…100% deformity rate. The problem is growing and the cast and crew of Strange Nature hope to expose that.
Right now, these guys are working with Kickstarter to try to raise funds for the film. They only have 6 days left to raise the money (so far they’re halfway there!) so if this is the sort of thing you’d like to see, click the link above, swing by and check out their Kickstarter and donate a buck or two!
You can also check out their website to learn more about the film including what they’ve done so far to get started as well as lots of videos! Just click that link there that says “website” and away you’ll go! 😉
I dunno, I think it looks pretty cool and pretty unique so I’d definitely like to see this thing get made. 🙂
First things first, thank you and welcome to all my new followers! Seriously, where did you all come from?? One thing you’ll quickly learn about me is that I’m a terrible blogger (no idea who gave me this job in the first place…) who is quite bad at updating due to a whole lot of factors so I apologize in advance. I’m trying to improve, for reals.
Secondly, I seem to have been nominated for a LAMMY (thanks to Tyson for pointing that out to me because I had no clue). No idea how that happened but thank you to whomever or whatever got me there – it’s so greatly appreciated!! I believe it’s common protocol to beg for votes so if you’d like to vote for me as…um…Best Horror Blog, I think…oh dear, I don’t even know if that’s right…*sighs*…well, that would also be greatly appreciated! You must be a LAMB and you can go vote for me HERE. And thank you!!!!
Now on to the main event – Snow Beast – warning, there will be spoilers ahead so if you were, like, super excited to see this please read no further.
*WARNING – SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!*
Ah….where to start with Snow Beast? Well, it’s not the 1977 Snow Beast so if you got really excited about that, sorry…But no, this gem features John Schneider ( of Dukes of Hazzard and Smallville fame) and Jason London (of London twin brother and shitting his pants in the back of a police car fame). So where to start?….
What we have here is a creature feature of the most highlarious kind. We have DAD, DAUGHTER who hates DAD and has been expelled from school for fighting, FEMALE potential love interest and ROB, token other male otherwise referred to here on out as WIMP BOY. DAD heads a research team who annually go out to the middle of Canada to track Canadian Lynx (apparently that is a job people have). Since DAUGHTER has been expelled from school, she’s forced to come with this year, whining and moaning the whole way. Jason London plays a ranger who is concerned about an unusual amount of people disappearing in the snowy Canadian wilderness as of late and who has a boss (I think it’s his boss?) who doesn’t like the cold (WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO LIVE IN CANADA??).
The majority of the movie is as follows:
DAUGHTER: Why, oh why must I be tortured like this? I can’t even get a phone signal here in the wilderness!
DAD: Perhaps you shouldn’t have gotten expelled from school then.
DAUGHTER: I hate you because Mom left! (turning to WIMP BOY) Wow, you’re, like, so HOT!
FEMALE: Where are all the lynxes this year?
WIMP BOY: *falls over his own feet*
THEN this guy shows up – he’s been not only eating the lynxes BUT all the people too! Dude, y’all! He destroys our research team’s snowmobiles and runs around being a jerk. Our team decides they must get the HELL outta there but FEMALE is all “But he’s eating the lynxes! We need to get documentation or no one will believe us and then everyone else will come in and steal our glory!” Silly FEMALE. She of course goes and gets herself killed. MALE is cranky because his potential girlfriend got all dead and stuff so he heads out to…catch the Snow Beast? Not really sure but he heads out and gets all kidnapped and stuck in a snow cave for later consumption which leaves WIMP BOY alone with DAUGHTER for a night defending themselves in their log cabin from the Snow Beast which goes a little like this:
DAUGHTER: OMG, we’re gonna die!!
WIMP BOY: Yeah, probably…
DAUGHTER: You’re supposed to the brave one!!
WIMP BOY: Why?
DAUGHTER: So I’m not scared!! I wish my dad was here.
WIMP BOY: Me too. He’s super brave and shiz.
And then later on:
DAUGHTER: What am I supposed to do if dad’s dead? I go home and then what?…
WIMP BOY: Eh, you’ll figure something out Orphan Girl.
And then comes the awesome ending that involves dragging raw food on a garbage can lid to lure Snow Beast out (of course WIMP BOY makes the DAUGHTER carry this) so they can shoot the Snow Beast full of tranquilizers and try to save MALE from the snow cave. The best part EVER?? MALE is still alive, WIMP BOY and DAUGHTER grab him and THEN MALE and DAUGHTER run for their lives leaving WIMP BOY to his doom. *giggles* I’m watching and am like, “What the hell? You people suck!” Totes brill.
Guest Post – The Reef
If there is one thing we do here in Australia, its animals that could straight up fucking kill
you. 15 out of the 10 deadliest snakes in the world are Australian and we’ve got two species
of killer spiders. Throw in killer crocs, octopus, jellyfish and even shells amongst others, and
coming here can be a little intimidating. Hell we even have giant birds and kangaroos that can
kick you to death.
But to be really honest, these animals are generally totally off the beaten track. With the
exception of kangaroos (which I see basically every day on my drive to work and I live in
Australia’s capital city) most people would be (un)lucky to see any of the above animals once
or twice in a lifetime. So day to day, there is little to fear about these things.
However, the most notable exception is frickin sharks. As a generalisation, Aussies love the
beach. And that is a shark’s domain, there is no outrunning a shark in the water. Shark attacks
are relatively common and I would say there are 3-5 fatal attacks a year here. Not to mention
quite a few more finger and leg chompings. Little reason then that sharks are the animals
most feared by Australians.
Also little reason then that The Reef scared the living shit out of me. A tale of 4 friends
who find themselves alone way out to sea after the yacht they are on sinks. Alone that is,
besides all the bloody sharks (or at least one really pesky one). This is not your over the top,
Sharkasaurus type film. This is raw, real and visceral. The masterstroke of the film is that
it utilises almost exclusively real shark footage and then edits it seamlessly into the action.
Thinking about it a little more, the editing of the film really is spectacularly good. Editing
is one of those facets of film that whilst I realise its importance, I don’t generally notice or
comment on that much. Here though, it really makes the film.
The film looks pretty incredible, with plenty of really crisp looking ocean shots. All of these
perfectly convey the utter vastness of the ocean, just how frightening and isolating a place it
can be. And whilst aspects of the set-up are a little pulpy with an almost TV feel to them, the
action picks up in a second half that is really quite harrowing. It is almost as if you are living
the entire ordeal with these people. I’ve seen the film twice now and both times I was pretty
effected by it and it gave me pause for thought the next time I dipped a toe in the water of one
of our pristine beaches.
I highly recommend this film. This is legit thriller territory, not B movie madness (if you’re
more keen on the latter, check out the 2012 Aussie flick Bait 3D). The story is simple, yet
brutal. And it finishes off with a really well crafted, not to mention pretty brutal, conclusion.
Take a look if you can get your hands on it.
(Editor’s Note: Just the trailer gives me the heebie-jeebies to the point I don’t think I’d make it through this!)
Thanks again to Tim of Not Now I’m Drinking a Beer and Watching a Movie for the excellent guest review. Be sure to check out his site because he constantly has sweet things going on!
The First Five – Monster Brawl
Okay, gotta be honest – I really watched the first 40 minutes of this not just five. BUT I honestly didn’t realize I was still watching it till my friend, The Brad, called and I was like, “Why can’t I hear what you’re saying?? Oh…this stupid thing is still on??” So that totally counts for a First Five. Right? 😉
Yeah…so…I’d like to start by saying that a movie that involves monsters and wrestling should be AMAZING. FUCKING AMAZING. It’s like having a movie that involves hot girls and jello wrestling – how do you go wrong???? You can’t. You just can’t go wrong with that. And yet…*sighs*. WHAT THE FUCK, Monster Brawl??? WHAT THE FUCK? How on earth did you ruin a flick so full of potential?? I love monsters. I used to be really into wrestling. Kevin Nash is in this movie for pete’s sake and I couldn’t even make it to his part. Now if Mick Foley had been in this I would’ve stuck it out because my gosh, do I love that man. I even read Have A Nice Day: A Tale of Blood and Sweatsocks. (I know, I know – how on earth am I still single?? I am SO a kickawesome catch. ;-p) But I digress…
Speaking of Foley’s though, Dave Foley is in this movie and from what I saw he spends the entire time with a look upon his face that clearly indicates he has no CLUE how he got in this film. None at all. Also his “character” is continuously drinking from a flask…yeah, “character”…*cough cough, wink wink*
Oh and let’s talk about this guy for a minute, shall we? Someone be a dear and tell me when exactly Cyclops (Cyclopses…Cyclopi…what’s the plural??) developed laser beam eyeballs that can melt the faces off people. Because that happened. TOTES.
Why, yes, that IS her name – “Lady Vampire”. There’s also another woman called “Witch Bitch”. Don’t even get me started on this bullshit.
So to sum up – FUCK YOU, Monster Brawl. You go hide somewhere and hang your head in shame.
P.S. Next Classic Movie will be The Usual Suspects!
Bigfoot – Guest Review by Not Now I’m Drinking a Beer and Watching a Movie
First off, Happy New Year’s, y’all!! My hiatus is pretty much over and I’ve almost recovered from the Alabama Death Plague so yay! Hope you all had a fabulous NYE – 2013 is going to be majorly kickawesome!! And to start it off, we have a fabulous guest review by Not Now I’m Drinking a Beer and Watching a Movie. Don’t know if you all have checked out Tim’s site yet but seriously look at that name. That’s like my freaking tagline right there. I’m kinda jealous I didn’t think of that first actually. 😉 Anyway, Tim has all sorts of cool action happening on his site so swing by and check him out! And thank you, Tim, for taking on Bigfoot!!
Billed as starring “70s cultural icons” Danny Bonaduce and Barry Williams, two dudes I wouldn’t recognise, Bigfoot is a slice of B-movie heaven that veers from the inspired to woeful.
The film opens with a prologue that is probably its coolest moment. An awesome food chain inspired sequence that sees a frog eat an insect, a fish eat that frog, a bear eat that fish, a man shoot that bear, then finally the bigfoot eat the man. As the film gets going, I recognise one of the aforementioned icons (I think Williams) to be obviously a former star of The Brady Bunch (here he comes complete with a harem of young environmentalist women). The story, not that is important, takes place in Deadwood, South Dakota as preparations for a throwback 80s music festival see trees being chopped down to make way for the stage, leading to one exceptionally pissed off Bigfoot who starts throwing down. Clashing over the environmental aspects of this tale are two former bandmates, one now a greenie, the other the organiser of the festival (and terrible radio jockey). This story goes on and on, so much so that you will be chanting “We want more Bigfoot” like I was before too long. Thankfully the filmmakers oblige with a bigfoot laden last half hour.
What is important of course is the frickin Bigfoot. Initially I was quite impressed with the special effects that show this huge beast. But then I opened my eyes a little and realised that they are rather atrocious. They seem to get increasingly bad as the film wears on. Like the filmmakers blew their budget on the first couple. Some of the ones toward the end of the film are actually clearly unfinished effects shots. Whilst the rest of them, except for the first couple, look like Playstation 1 level computer graphics copy and pasted onto your screen.
Depending on your point of view Bigfoot is either so bad it’s good, or just so bad. I tend to think it is the former. It sort of has to be watched for the simple awesomeness of its murderous Bigfoot. Not to mention its hippy ex-Brady Buncher vs failed 80s rock star capitalist storyline. Throw in a legitimately nonsensical script and some comically bad, in the best B movie kind of the way, acting and you have some B monster fantasticness.
OMG, I just totally fell in love with that trailer…Thanks again to Tim from Not Now I’m Drinking a Beer and Watching a Movie!