Return to Horror High


There are two reasons I decided to watch Return to Horror High.  One was the wicked awesome movie poster (c’mon, that’s so totes kickawesome!).  Two was the fact that George Clooney stars in it. Or so they said (and by they I mean whoever marketed this on Netflix).  Lemme tell you something though – they LIED.  George Clooney does NOT star in this.  George Clooney is in this thing for the first 10 minutes, 15 minutes top and is the first to die!  That’s not starring people, that’s just being horror film fodder!  Grrrr….Sorry for the spoiler there, just don’t want anyone else going in all excited about a young George Clooney only to be woefully disappointed.  >:-|

Ahhhh, dreamy George Clooney…remember when George was dreamy??

So yeah, George doesn’t star but you know who does?  Well, sort of.  She’s in the whole movie at least.  This girl:

Maureen McCormick as the oddly slutty, gets off on blood and eats a lot cop.

This is another movie that I found to be a whole helluva lot of fun but found oddly lacking in the plot department.  Back in 1982, the town of Crippen was rocked by a series of murders at Crippen High School. The killer was never caught. Several years later, Cosmic Pictures, headed by sleazy producer Harry Sleerik, has come to Crippen to make a movie about the murders, setting up shop in the high school. However, it seems the killer is still there, and as crew and cast members disappear left and right, it’s up to ex-student/cop/leading man Steven Blake and leading lady Callie Cassidy to get to the bottom of this.

Fake boobs? My grandmother can’t watch that!!

So yeah, that producer guy is one heck of a sleazeball and people keep dying right and left and the whole thing goes back and forth between 1982, current and after the murders to when the cops show up so it’s like a movie within a movie within a movie and I’m not even sure who all died here or if anyone actually died.  It’s one of THOSE movies.

And these guys are in the movie too…

Which is why I don’t have much to say about it really other than I enjoyed it, it made me laugh and if you’re a fan of retro horror and young George Clooney, you’ll probably like this.  There’s a lot of great actors in it and it’s just so…random. Has anyone else seen this?  Am I still just needing to catch up on sleep or did it actually not make a whole helluva lot of sense?

One last thing, I recently discovered a movie entitled “Antfarm Dickhole”.  Yes, I will be watching this weekend and yes, it will be the next review (although I don’t know if it will be a full review or simply a First Five…so many possibilities for a movie with that name!).





About mistylayne

I'm a Z movie loving, horror hound, Buffy quoting, Dr. Who watching, geekazoid and seeker of all things unusual. I'm a gypsy wanderer, lover of words, Wendy of the damned and all that jazz. What can I say? I'm complicated.

Posted on 2012.14.September, in American Cinema, Horror Comedy, Lo-Budget, Oldies but Goodies and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 27 Comments.

  1. I’ve seen this!! I remember it being kind of awesome in the way that old low budget movies that don’t take themselves to seriously cane be. And it has Marcia Brady! WHAT?? I Like it! Antfarm Dickhole……… huuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh?

    • Yes! I thought it was Christine Taylor at first, lol. And yeah, I think Antfarm Dickhole will be a stream of conciousness posting… 😉

      • Wonderful!!

      • hey… believe this or not, on my way home I was thinking – hey wait… Antfarm Dickhole… I’ve heard of that somewhere. SO i got home and looked it up and I thought – wait – i’m familiar with this picture…. whaaaaaaaaattttt… and then – OH YEAH!! One of the actresses in this – Jessica Mazo – randomly liked one of my posts one day – Devil’s Racecourse (it’s still there if you don’t believe me). Because she was so nice to like my page I was interested in seeing this. I can’t wait for your write up!!

      • What?? That’s crazy!! And awesome! 🙂

  2. …Antfarm Dickhole? I really wish I had come up with that name first, it’s so classy.

  3. What is it about boob shots and horror movies? I have yet to see one that didn’t include it. Perhaps that is the fallback plan in case the plot is weak (so lucky for these guys that they included it!). 😉

  4. I think you are following in my footsteps. I have a review of this one and Midnight Movie dropping in October. I figured I would save them until the great horror month. I did enjoy this one, but I didn’t think it lived up to its potential. A solid slasher movie and yes, George went out pretty quick.

  5. Gotta see this one. I thought I had seen it but upon reading your good review I noticed that it wasn’t the movie I thought it was. Thanks!

  6. Ah! I saw this one … back when it was released. (Yes, I’m that old.) I have to admit I don’t remember it very well, and I had no idea that that terribly handsome, bit-part actor would grow up to be George Clooney.

  7. Antfarm Dickhole sounds like a much better movie haahah!

  8. Awesome review ,it covered actors , producers and just enough of the storyline so that you didn’t spoil it. ^.^

  9. This movie don’t make no sense.

  10. Maybe I’m just being dumb… but if this is Return to Horror High… was there an original Horror High, or is the returning got to do with going back to the scene of the crime?

    Great review by the way! Can’t wait for Antfarm Dickhole. Please watch all of it 🙂

    • Lol, I had the same question! I’m not 100% but I think the return part has to do with going back to the scene of the crime – this definitely didn’t seem to be a sequel of any sort (although they set this one up for a sequel so now I wonder if there’s a “Return of the Return to Horror High”. 😉

      I am going to try my best to watch all of it, lol. Right now actually!

  11. fuck yes, love the hell out of this movie. CLOONEY!!!!


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