Metal Tornado has left me with several questions. 1) Seriously, I doubt the validity of the science here and want someone other than Lou Diamond Philips to explain magnetism to me. That’s not really a question. 2) What purpose did crying bitch face in the car serve? 3) Why are there different labs? 4) Why did I finish this movie??
I believe this is a SyFy original which explains a lot (they seem to be on a quest to make movies worse than even Ed Woods’, bless their hearts, and I do love them for it) but this one is kind of in a league of its own.
We start with our resident scientist (what kind of scientist is he? Who knows? Climatology? Physics?), Lou Diamond Phillips, taking the lead on a brilliant plan (with all schematics explained in approximately five minutes with such casualness that it seems he came up with it last week) to harness a billion gazillion tons of clean pure energy by harvesting solar flares. Or something like that. Unfortunately, during the solar harvesting, 2% of the energy goes rogue creating a field of magnetism that becomes a funnel of magnetism that carves a path through Pennsylvania, sucking up everything metal in its path. And France. Because you know, destroying the Eiffel Tower makes for really cool visual effects.
Meanwhile, people come in and out of the movie with no real rhyme or reason other than to up the body count (not that a lot of people die really, except all those Parisians). Like crying bitch face in the car. Why, SyFy, why????? I don’t understand!!!
a few a lot of wrong here, so many in fact that if I broke it down, we’d all be here forever so let me instead go with what I learned here.
- Magnetic tornadoes follow lines of iron in the earth.
- Lou Diamond Phillips’ character works for a douchebag.
- Magnetic tornadoes in France will grow much bigger and deadlier than ones in America in half the time.
- Magnetic tornadoes can be easily fixed with an e-bomb but it will take you close to an hour and a half to figure this out.
- When faced with a deadly magnetic tornado, most people will simply stand and watch as their death approaches with little to no concern for their own safety.
- You always high five another when death is averted.
AND a few of my favorite lines:
- I think we’ve just witnessed the birth of unlimited clean energy. Congratulations!
- It’s too bad your bike insurance doesn’t cover damage by supernatural entities.
- My dog sticks his head out the window to capture that feeling, why don’t you do the same?
Fun if you’re a fan of the
B Z movie but otherwise I’d steer pretty clear of this one.