Metal Tornado has left me with several questions.  1) Seriously, I doubt the validity of the science here and want someone other than Lou Diamond Philips to explain magnetism to me. That’s not really a question.  2)  What purpose did crying bitch face in the car serve?  3)  Why are there different labs?  4) Why did I finish this movie??

I believe this is a SyFy original which explains a lot (they seem to be on a quest to make movies worse than even Ed Woods’, bless their hearts, and I do love them for it) but this one is kind of in a league of its own.

We start with our resident scientist (what kind of scientist is he?  Who knows?  Climatology?  Physics?), Lou Diamond Phillips, taking the lead on a brilliant plan (with all schematics explained in approximately five minutes with such casualness that it seems he came up with it last week) to harness a billion gazillion tons of clean pure energy by harvesting solar flares.  Or something like that.  Unfortunately, during the solar harvesting, 2% of the energy goes rogue creating a field of magnetism that becomes a funnel of magnetism that carves a path through Pennsylvania, sucking up everything metal in its path.  And France.  Because you know, destroying the Eiffel Tower makes for really cool visual effects.

Buh-bye, Eiffel Tower!

Meanwhile, people come in and out of the movie with no real rhyme or reason other than to up the body count (not that a lot of people die really, except all those Parisians).  Like crying bitch face in the car.  Why, SyFy, why?????  I don’t understand!!!

There’s a few a lot of wrong here, so many in fact that if I broke it down, we’d all be here forever so let me instead go with what I learned here.

• Magnetic tornadoes follow lines of iron in the earth.
• Lou Diamond Phillips’ character works for a douchebag.
• Magnetic tornadoes in France will grow much bigger and deadlier than ones in America in half the time.
• Magnetic tornadoes can be easily fixed with an e-bomb but it will take you close to an hour and a half to figure this out.
• When faced with a deadly magnetic tornado, most people will simply stand and watch as their death approaches with little to no concern for their own safety.
• You always high five another when death is averted.

AND a few of my favorite lines:

• I think we’ve just witnessed the birth of unlimited clean energy. Congratulations!
• It’s too bad your bike insurance doesn’t cover damage by supernatural entities.
• My dog sticks his head out the window to capture that feeling, why don’t you do the same?

Fun if you’re a fan of the B Z movie but otherwise I’d steer pretty clear of this one.