I so very much wanted to finish up Creature Feature week here on CS with another shark flick but alas, it seems I can only watch “Jersey Shore Shark Attack” on Youtube, in five minute increments, and I have not the time at the moment to do so.   So instead I go with Vampire Bats, starring Lucy Lawless.  First off, let me say that Lucy Lawless is looking pretty damn good.  I almost didn’t recognize her.  Second off, that’s by far the best thing about this flick.

It’s not that there was anything wrong with the movie per se.  You know, animals and people start showing up dead and drained of blood and generally just looking pretty gross.  And Lawless is a college professor who feels a need to investigate this and of course a group of ragtag college kids decides they simply must help her out.  Then there’s her husband who gets cranky with her for investigating the vampire bats because they have two little kids and dammit why can’t she just stay home and be a good mother (or something).  And he has a really annoying sister (Brett Butler) who always watches the kids but cleans the house and rearranges things and organizes (yeah, totally see how that’s annoying).  And…the kids figure out how to get rid of the bats and then there’s a bad guy at the last minute and something about the environment.  The End.

You guys *do* realize I’m, like, totally going to jail if something happens to you out here, right?

And maybe that was the problem for me.  A movie about vampire bats should be FUN, dammit.  And this was not in any way, shape or form, fun for me.  I spent most of the movie wondering if Brett Butler just can’t do any other accent than her Southern one and if not why they cast her in a movie where she’s the only one who sounds Southern because where are they all living then?  Or does she just follow her brother and sister-in-law around when they move?  ‘Cause, yeah, that’s a little creepy and a little annoying, for reals.

So….I dunno.  Watch at your own risk or maybe if you have a penchant for vampire bats or cheesy movies that take themselves really seriously?