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Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader

Attackofthe50FootCheerleader

Yeah…so…this is one of those times when I really start to rethink my masochistic nature….any psychologists out there wanna weigh in on why I put myself through shit like this?  *sighs*

So yeah, this apparently involved Roger Corman (I know, I know…) and for some reason Treat Williams was here (really Treat??) and well…

She calls everybody a "dumb skank"...

She calls everybody a “dumb skank”…

 

Big girl in a tiny gym...

Big girl in a tiny gym…

 

Sadistic sorority girls...

Sadistic sorority girls…

 

Oh yeah...this...

Oh yeah…this…

 

Oh hi, Treat - how's it hangin'?

Oh hi, Treat – how’s it hangin’?

 

Soon enough, they'll both be topless...

Soon enough, they’ll both be topless…

 

So…is it bad that I want to punch everyone involved in this travesty in the face?  Normally I enjoy this sort of thing…but  no…just no…

*I’m slowly working my way through blog reading – I’m filming the next couple of weeks which is keeping me busy.  Also if I owe you a review and haven’t delivered yet, please send me an email and yell at me.  I’m slowly making my way through those too.*

 

 

 

 

 

 

Killer School Girls From Outer Space

 

Dude, y’all!  Just dude.  So I followed this guy on Twitter – he had a production company named Angry Nun Productions which made me *giggle* and also reminisce on the days when I was in an improv troupe called “Nuns in Straitjackets” and worked on this sketch show called “L.A.F.F.S.” and then my mind wandered to things like School of the Holy Beast and…yeah, well, suffice it to say the whole angry nun thing really struck a chord.  So we exchanged a couple of DM’s and I mentioned my site and how much I was loving the name of not only the company but also of this film because seriously y’all, just seriously look at that mother effing title!! (I get a little excited whenever I see the word “schoolgirls”…brings up some great movie moments in my mind…)  Anyway, he sent me a screener and I was all prepared to have this done right after Halloween month was over and well, ya know, Sandy and all…soooo, here it finally is – Killer School Girls From Outer Space!!!!! (There are seriously NOT enough exclamation marks in the world for this shiz).

“Directed by Alexander Shumake and starring Ron Jeremy, Donny Boaz, Julin, Derek Lee Nixon, Denise Williamson, Jordan Brower, Jenny Zhang, Kaci Flores and Clem Beard, Killer School Girls From Outer Space is a low-budget throwback to the classic sci-fi and exploitation B-movies of the 50s and 60s – but with a modern sexy schoolgirl twist…” ~IMDB

EXPLOSIONS!!!

The movie starts out with a quick note about how they truly dig on Roger Corman and how they aspire to be like him and how this movie is made in the same sort of way he did his early works which boils down to this is a superfun throwback to the drive-in days (E, I think you’ll love this!!!).  We’re talking lovers at Lover Lane, racist ole men, spaceships and small town fun, drag races and Ron Jeremy – this has pretty much everything anyone could ever want from a movie.

Old Man Jenkins!!!

The opening credits start with an army of men being attacked by schoolgirls and ends with an entirely wicked shot of a planet being blown up complete with old-timey sci-fi music (they talked about that in the directors commentary and I can’t remember the instrument they referenced…) shot with grainy, spotted film that mimics the look of instant classics such as Machete and Hobo with a Shotgun.  Next up is Ben and Allison out at *insert appropriate name for makin’ out spots here* where Allison is giving Ben a BJ, after which they discuss his inner turmoil at wanting to quit the football team (he’s the quarterback of course and Allison is a cheerleader).  Allison (Denise Williamson, who looks a lot like Amy Adams here) sweetly promises him she’ll always be cheering for him when they are distracted by a shooting star and decide to go check it out.  Before they can make it to where the star landed, they of course have to stop at the local drive in diner/hang out (seriously, I could almost swear this was filmed in my hometown, eerie…) where they must catch up with Ben’s best bud (who promptly asks him why he’s hearing that Ben is quitting football – 5 minutes after he’s only ever told Allison and god, that cracked me up because this happens the whole movie and if you’ve never lived in a small town and by that I mean small, then you don’t know the annoyance/humor that goes with everybody knowing your business even before you do) and where Ben is promptly drug into a drag race (more accurately Chicken) with the local bad boys.  The local bad boys are kinda hot, just sayin’.

MORE NUDITY!!!!

Drag race/chicken game, then off to finally find the shooting star which ends up being a SPACESHIP!!!  Ben and Allison also run into a burnt up Old Man Jenkins who ends up being killed in front of them and after that they are on the RUN!  First place they go is the police station where they tell their story to the deputy and sheriff (the sheriff being an older fella who doesn’t cotton to dang kids these days with their rock music and their heathen ways) who don’t believe them and then a whole bunch more people die and then suddenly everybody does believe and well, I don’t wanna ruin anything here but let’s just say the ending is so awesomely and ridiculously ridiculous in that epic drive in movie way.

And did I mention THIS guy is in it??

It should be apparent by now that I pretty much loved this movie as it’s right up my alley but here’s the thing – this is the type of movie that has to be right up your alley or you’re not going to like it.  If drive in flicks and old 50s era sci-fi movies aren’t your thing, avoid this.  If sometimes less than stellar, but ALWAYS effective CGI isn’t your thing, avoid this.  If people exploding isn’t your thing, avoid it.  If schoolgirls aren’t your thing, avoid this.  You know what?  If the title KILLER SCHOOL GIRLS FROM OUTER SPACE doesn’t get you all tingly and superexcited inside, then avoid this. (But how could it NOT????)

SCHOOLGIRL!!!!!

But if you’re like me (and I really think there’s a big majority of my readers who would totally groove on this here thing) and schoolgirls make you giggle like one, people exploding into bits of blood and bloody parts makes your eyes go wide in excitement and you want nothing more than to keep repeating this title in that way that only Samuel L. Jackson can, by repeatedly saying “Mothereffing killer school girls from mothereffing outer space!!”, then this movie is made with you specifically in mind.  And you will love it.

You can find the trailer HERE along with how to order, should you be interested.  Plus there’s other cool stuffs that come with such as a bonus dvd on how to be an indie filmmaker which I personally totally dig on since I’m into that kinda thing.  You’ll also find all the lovely photos that I heisted from (and linked back) with the trailer!  Killer School Girls from Outer Space is a wicked fun time, just like making it with your old lady down at the drive-in!

 

 

The Terror Within

It’s fairly safe to say that I pretty much LOVED The Terror Within.  It’s amazingly cheesetastic (thank you 1989!) dystopia with a dash of fun.

The story starts with a group of people in a bunker – there’s only a handful because it seems most of humanity was wiped out by something only vaguely referenced as “the accident”.  There are other groups of people out there (one of the issues this group faces is that their radio contact goes out another bunker) but it’s not really explained why these people aren’t just living together in one big bunker society.  A couple of the group are out scavenging on the surface for food and supplies (living up top is a big NO NO!) and get attacked.  So of course another couple of people go out to find them and boy are they all careless and tra-la-la about the fact that at any given moment they could die due to the BIG BAD that is of yet only peripherally mentioned. Seriously, they’re laughing and joking and just enjoying being in the sunshine.  They KNOW that two of their peeps just died – what is wrong with these people?

Hey ma, look, no hands!

While out, they find a camp that’s pretty much been ripped to shreds along with the people that were in it (this totally puts a damper on their frolicking).  They also discover a survivor, a beautiful woman who is terrified of them and whatever’s after her.  They convince/kidnap her to take her back to Bunker Land all the while exclaiming over how neat it is they found her since people can’t live on the surface anymore.  Once back at BL, they run tests on her and care for her injuries only to find out that she’s PREGNANT!!!!  Seems pregnancy is a thing of the past also, that or just really rare.  But uh-oh…when they brought her in she was three months pregnant but now, 20 minutes later she’s six months pregnant!  *cue spooky evil music*  Wanna know why?  Because THIS is the daddy!

Hey baby…

WTF?  See this is why people have to live underground in Bunker Land.  These things (which are oddly and to me hilariously called “Gargoyles”) are a result of “the accident”.  Not sure what they were doing before but now they’re running around impregnating any woman they can get their hands…paws…um..you get the idea…on.  NOT PRETTY.

What follows is a straight up Alien rip-off, complete with baby gargoyle ripping it’s way out of it’s mother’s stomach and a battle for survival within the confines of the bunker.  Who lives, who dies?  Can these people ever go up top again?  How can these things spawn interspecies’lly?  Is interspecies’lly a real word??

The best part?  There’s a second one!  Yay!!  It’s not on Netflix streaming so I haven’t watched it yet but I am very excited about this.  Full of nudity, blood and silliness, this is definitely a good way to pass the time!

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