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Classic Movies Project: The Thing

TheThing

For my first classic movie I have oddly enough never seen, I went with The Thing (so now people can stop yelling at me all the time about not having seen it ;)).  I’d previously seen the prequel/remake (was it a prequel?  Or was it a remake?? Didn’t they bill it as a prequel but it was really just the same thing but with a chick?) and I pretty much dug it but man, was this intense!

I am NOT a fan of THIS.

I am NOT a fan of THIS.

I assume I can pretty much skip the recap (aliens, y’all – big nasty motherfucking aliens) so I’ll break it down into The Good and The Bad.

THE GOOD:

Dude, Kurt Russell is pretty much the BOMB.  And um, oddly kinda of really hot.

Old school makeup and camera tricks beat out CGI pretty much any day of the week.  Those aliens were freaky as hell.  And seriously, why, oh why do creepy things always have to do the even creepier backwards crab walk thing??  Why??  :(

That one dog near the beginning when the alien first appears – you know when all the dogs are locked in that cell thing – the dog that takes one look at the alien and says, “Fuck this shit.” and starts tearing out the bars so it can escape.  That was AWESOME.

Major tension.  I was deeply unsettled the whole way through.  Like nervous in the pit of my stomach unsettled.

Super gross.  I actually got really hungry about halfway through this and kept wanting to go get food but then something incredibly, wickedly disgusting would happen and yeah…food was not an option.

THE BAD:

All those poor puppies!  :(  Sad making.

While this left me unsettled, the remake thing actually had me a little scared.  No idea what the difference there was except that the backwards crab walking alien was WAYYYY more amped up and dramatic in the remake and it freaked me the hell out.  But this didn’t scare me.

I was totally bored throughout the beginning – say the first 30 minutes.

HOT!

HOT!

So the final verdict?  Entirely enjoyable.  I can totally see why it gained cult status and I can totally see how all my friends that actually saw this movie when they were kids were terrified of it.  Probably not one I’ll revisit but definitely glad I finally saw it.

The Monster Squad – Nostalgiathon 2012

Yay Nostalgiathon!  In case you’re looking for even more nostalgia, head on over to the Nostalgiathon 2012 page to all the latest entries – there’s some super fun stuff there!

On an unrelated note, I’m in a show that opens this weekend which of course means a full week of tech and dress rehearsals so I will be around all spotty like.  And let’s not even talk about January just yet.  It’s gearing up to be a wild ride…

The back story:

Once upon a time, there was a wee lass named Misty who was all of seven years old. Misty’s parents thought it would be absolutely delightful to show her a little film called The Monster Squad.  Why would they do this?  Who knows?  Unfortunately for Misty’s parents, this experiment did NOT end well.  As a matter of fact, the wee lass sat up ALL NIGHT LONG refusing to sleep because she KNEW that at any moment Dracula would walk through her bedroom door and do something horrendous.  And as we all know, if a wee one doesn’t sleep, the adults don’t sleep.  This was the occasion that led to the horror movie ban in Misty’s life, the ban that would not be lifted until her sixteenth birthday.

Don’t mess with these muthas!

The Now:

I revisited The Monster Squad (Two-Disc 20th Anniversary Edition) specifically for Nostalgiathon.  I literally had not seen it since that oh so wonderful viewing at the age of 7 and my memory mostly consisted of the traumatic aftermath.  When asked about this film before curling into the fetal position, I would simply say, “Classic movie monsters come back and kids have to fight them.”

First, I’d like to say…Mom & Dad, what the hell were you thinking showing me this???  Dracula picks up a 5 year old girl by the chin and calls her a bitch – how was I not supposed to think he had a deeply intense hatred of tiny children of the female variety and would hunt me down?  Sheesh!  (Btw, I do so totally love my parents, I just don’t know what they were thinking here.  *giggles*)

Second, this movie is absolutely a classic.  Awesome kids, great one-liners and an all around good time – way perfect for adolescent boys especially, methinks.  And ah, the 80s when kids could curse like sailors and check out scantily clad women in the movies all while smoking ciggies or being smoked around.  Such a simpler time…*sighs*

My name is HORACE!!

This is one I just sort of assume everyone has seen but if not – well…classic movie monsters come back and kids fight them.  See, my hazy memories were correct.  ;)  It’s kinda like The Goonies (which I love) but with some real drama.  The old German guy for one?  Had no memory of that and when I saw him talking about monsters, it kind of broke my heart a little.  I was NOT expecting something like that to be in a “kids'” movie.

A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS:

If I had watched this when I was oh, say 12, I would’ve been head over heels in love with Rudy.  He was such a bad ass.  12 year old Misty would’ve *swooned* over that kid.  ;)

Eugene: Is she a versgin?
Scary German Guy: Yes, she can do it!
Patrick: She can’t read, she’s five years old!
Scary German Guy: I’ll help her!

EVERYTHING about the above exchange cracked me up.  Just EVERYTHING.

That freaking adorable dog.  So cute.

Frankenstein for the WIN!

Not gonna lie, through jaded adult eyes some of the middle got a bit boring but overall one fun ride and definitely worth the revisit!

Extra Features Podcast

 

Some (if not all of you) have been participators in Head in a Vice’s Desert Island Films feature (and if not, please go check it out especially if you’re fond of learning more about your fellow bloggers because it is great fun and super insightful!).  Well, Tyty (ha, no longer your birthday!) has recently hooked up with the guys over at Extra Features, a movie review podcast that’s great fun.  They’ve featured a couple of the Desert Island Films lists from his site and in their most recent podcast they featured mine!  Thanks, guys!!!  The list is featured near the end but the whole podcast was fun as they discuss a plethora of horror movies (including Nightmare on Elm Street!!).  I’ve also been chatting with them via Twitter the past couple of weeks and from what I can tell they are megacool.  So if you’re into podcasts, check these fellas out!

And you can check out their most recent episode featuring my Desert Island Films list HERE!  Thanks again, guys!!  This was highly enjoyable and I will definitely keep listening in!

Buttcrack

Shakespeare it’s not, but Buttcrack is also not the most horrible movie I’ve ever seen.  I’d almost call it “bordering on this side of decent.”  But then I also watch a lot of weird ass movies.

So what’s it about you ask?  Well, it’s about friendship and roommates, preacher men and witches, zombies and buttcracks.  This film packs in a whole heck of a lot in its 68 minutes.  Sadly, however, it’s still not quite enough to satisfy this girl.

The story (what little there is of one) follows a pair of roommates.  One’s a decent sort of fella (we know this because he has a girlfriend and clothes that fit) and the other?  Well, the other is slovenly and constantly has his crack on display. Mr. Decent and his girlfriend finally reach the point where they can no longer stand Mr. Buttcrack and after what may be the lamest marriage proposal in the history of the world and a nice little vomiting scene, Mr. Decent accidentally (“accidentally”?) kills Mr. Buttcrack by dropping a radio in a tub.  Oh but wait!  Mr. Buttcrack has a sister who’s a witch and she brings him back to life so all can experience ZOMBIE BUTTCRACK!!!!!  Muahahahahaaaa!  What more could one want from a movie?  Just for extra measure, there’s also a very strange, slightly creepy preacher man (who actually refers to himself as “Preacher Man”), the scariest clown portraits you’ve ever seen and the lamest “1 Year Later” sequence ever.  And there you have it.  Clowns, preachers, witches, buttcracks and zombies all rolled into one little film.

I can’t recommend this movie but neither can I give it a “Run Away Screaming Rating”.  Watch at your own risk and consideration.  And remember, “We’re all zombies in the end!”

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