Tag, I’m It!
Thanks to Mike over at Mikes Film Talk for hitting me with this tag (it only hurt a little, really… 
). We all know Mike and we all know he’s full of awesome stories and interesting facts but if somehow you DON’T know Mike, you should go visit him…like NOW…
This particular exercise in sharing the WordPress love (pronounced lurve) is fairly simple, you answer the 11 questions posed by the “Tagger” and then set another 11 questions for the 11 bloggers you “Tag.” (That was a LOT of 11′s…) You probably should link back to the blogger what “brung ya.” Aka, who tagged you and maybe thank them? Just a thought. (And yes, I stole that entire paragraph directly from Mike. I am lazy. And sleepy.)
So here are Mike’s Sandra’s 11 questions: (hehehe, sorry Mike!)
- Have you ever been made redundant from your job and how did you feel about it? Yes, a couple of times actually. The most awesome one though was when I worked at a jewelry store and with absolutely NO warning whatsoever, I was “made redundant” and very literally pushed out the back door into the pouring rain. No lie. Nobody had a clue it was going to happen and the owner’s son actually apologized to me about it.
- If you were interviewing someone for a writing job, what 3 qualities would you look for and why? Grammar, non-boringness, and the lyricalness of their writing.
- What is your favourite board game and why? Hmmm…I’m fond of Apples to Apples…and Monopoly.
- When you look at the stars, what do you see? Usually unicorns and pixie dust.
- When you look at the ocean, what does it remind you of? All the evil things that live there, hiding, just waiting to eat me…bastards.
- How do you overcome writer’s block? By reading Kerouac or Anais Nin…changing writing locations…writing words meaninglessly until they finally form into something that I need them to say…
- If you could say 3 encouraging things to another person, what would they be? You’re amazing. Never, ever doubt yourself because I never do. It ALWAYS gets better – ALWAYS, even if you don’t know it for a really long time.
- Do you prefer to write your stories/books/poetry/prose/articles on paper first, then type them up and edit them, or do you like to type them straight into your computer to edit? I prefer to write long hand, then type them up. I do type some stuff first though depending on whether I’m writing for work or on my personal stuff.
- Do you like writing in one genre or more? I write in a lot of genres – movie reviews, book reviews, non-fiction (I guess reviews count in non-fiction too, huh?), young adult, fiction, literary, poetry, screenplays, stage plays
- As a writer, do you think actions speak louder than words? Depends on what you’re writing. In fiction, actions can be used as a better way of telling but in poetry it’s all about the words.
- What is your favourite quote and why? Oh dear, just one?? I’m cheating and doing three. Why these three? These three best describe me and how I live or at least attempt to live.
“I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn’t impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin
“And it’s the wonders I’m after, even if I have to bleed for them.”
― Catherynne M. Valente, The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making
“the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”
― Jack Kerouac, On the Road
As always, I’m not tagging anyone because I can never remember who loves tags and who hates them. So if you feel like doing this, you’re tagged! Do a post or answer in the comments. Oh, here are my questions if anyone wants to play along.
- What author has inspired you the most?
- What director has most influenced your taste in film?
- How many instruments do you play?
- Why do women in horror movies always run up the stairs when it’s the stupidest thing ever to do?
- Who in your life has had the most influence?
- Where do you most want to travel in the world?
- Have you ever fallen in love with the wrong person?
- Better yet, have you fallen in love with the right person?
- How much time a day do you spend writing?
- Whose the most famous person you’ve met?
- What is sleep like?
Bikini Bandits Experience (NSFW – SO NSFW, NSF Anything Really)
Okay, guys – here we go! I have NO idea how I’ve never come across Bikini Bandits Experience
There’s this…
There’s a couple of visits to Amish country…
Corey Feldman, y’all, Corey Feldman…
We got Satan, folks!
OH! OH!! Almost forgot this guy!
And can’t forget these two because yeah, this happened.
So what else? Well, here’s a handy list:
- Dwarf
- Penis Laser
- Amish Porn
- Devirginizing the Virgin Mary
- Corey Feldman dancing
- Spanking
- Bondage Gear
The only thing this movie is lacking is Japanese schoolgirls, no lie.
So yeah, you’re welcome.
So What’s Been Going On?
So when I have time to breathe, I have a review of Bikini Bandits and Sand Sharks headed your way. Mike from Mike’s Film Talk also smacked me upside the head with some sort of tag (and it hurt, I might add, so thanks Mike :-p) and I’ve also gotten a nomination for the Versatile Blogger Award from Aurora over at Once Upon a Screen. Whew. Plus I am trying to make it to a wicked cool thing on Saturday that would be like my dream come true…oh so much excitement!!! So posts shall come as quickly as I’m able to get them done. I’ve just been in the process of moving, unpacking and entering the dating scene again (oy, wish me luck ).
Also will be catching up on as many of you guys stuff as possible tomorrow in between work and movie night with the gang. Until then……
Movie Jail Relay Race
Thanks so much to Mike over at Mike’s Film Talk for passing me the baton in the Movie Jail Relay Race! Been at least a month since I’ve participated in a blog-a-thon so away we go!! 
The Movie Jail Relay Race was started by Nostra from My Filmviews and Terrence from The Focused Filmographer. Now the official rules are as follows:
”It’s time to put some movie people in jail. The object is to give a prosecutor’s argument as to why these movie people belong in “Movie Jail” whether it be for violating the integrity of the content source of one their films, or being a sell-out, just making bad movies overall, getting worse as time goes on or not being in a good movie for many years. The baton will be passed to another blogger who will have to do the following:
In order to free someone from Movie Jail they have to do 2 things
1 – Give a defense attorney argument defending the plaintiff
2 – Pay bail: the cost of which is another case for the court and a prosecutor’s argument against the actor/director of their choice that will replace the one set free.
There must always be 10 people in Movie Jail.”
Current Inmates are:
Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer
Shia Labeouf
Rueben Fleischer
The Participants (so far):
1. My Filmviews / The Focused Filmographer
9. …let’s be splendid about this
10. Lime Reviews and Strawberry Confessions
11. Aziza’s Picks
12. Flixchatter
13. i luv cinema
14. Public Transportation Snob
15. The Warning Sign
16. 3 Guys 1 Movie
20. Knights of Mars Roundtable
21. Head In A Vice
23. Cinema Schminema
So who am I heisting from the big house? Well, the majority of you are going to hunt me down with torches and pitchforks a la Doctor Frankenstein but I’m totally releasing this girl:
That’s right. Ms. Kristen Stewart gets a pass from me. Why? Well, I’m not entirely sure why she’s in jail here – I’m assuming it’s because the majority of the world thinks she’s a bad actress (emotionless and lip bitey). Or perhaps it’s because people think she never smiles and should be happy for her fame, dammit. Or maybe it’s because she supposedly cheated on R-Patz with that director dude.
My rebuttal? Kristen Stewart is talented. Hella talented actually – girl’s got chops. I think the problem is that most people associate her with Bella from Twilight and Bella is one of the worst written female characters in recent history. The fact that a woman wrote her makes me want to scream. But I’m not here to discuss the underlying messages of abuse and deprecation in Twilight, so moving on…Kristen Stewart’s been acting her whole life – obviously she’s doing something right or when she moved out of the cute child phase, Hollywood would’ve dropped her like a hot potato because that’s what H’wood does. True, a lot of stuff I’ve seen that she’s fantabulous in is older stuff but she’s been working on Twilight for what, 6 years now or something? 4 years? A long time anyway and I’m not even going to count Snow White and the Huntsman because that whole movie was just stupid from marketing to plot (Theron was brilliant, I will give it that much). But what about The Runaways? Loved her in that (and loved the movie). Adventureland? Speak? Panic Room? Fierce People? C’mon, guys, the girl can emote. Problem is, she’s been stuck in “lip-biting, awkward, I need a man to love me or I’ll die” Bella phase for WAY too long. I’m hoping On The Road (which I’m dying to see as I adore Kerouac) will help break her out of the public mindset of awkward.
If it’s the never smiling thing well I feel her there because I am not a fan of the smiling at all. My friends are constantly yelling at me to “smile, dammit!!”. I prefer to be dark and mysterious and yeah, icy. It’s my schtick (well sometimes, I have different ones) so I can’t begrudge the girl for not bouncing around all rainbows&sunshines&lollipops&pixies. If it’s the “she should be happy for her fame” thing I have this to say – sometimes people become actors because they love to act, not because they want to be famous and there are tons of people out there who are actors, working actors, and can walk down the street without having cameras shoved in their face. Yeah, fame can come with the game but it doesn’t mean you have to be completely joyous about it all the time. I am painfully shy 50% of the time (which is WAYYYYY better than I used to be) – I can’t even function at events with lots of people without anxiety medicine – so if I ever get famous, I might be walking around all cranky looking too. That or completely zombified from the meds…
And if it’s the supposed cheating thing? Well, it’s none of my damn business. And also I remember what it’s like to be that age and dear lord, if I told you all stories of me from back in the day…heh, well, I’m not gonna because the amount of stupidity I had happening in my 20s was off the charts.
AND now that I’ve released poor Ms. Stewart from her stint behind bars, I need to find someone to replace her…who, oh who should it be?? I’m thinking this guy:
First, how did you guys get those bars on your pictures?? Mine suck, lol! Second, let’s get one thing straight – I ADORE JOSS WHEDON. Seriously, the day this dude let’s me go pick up his dry cleaning will be the best damn day of my life. However, I fucking LOATHE The Avengers. That was one piece of shit mockery of a film and I am completely heartbroken that my hero was behind this mess. 
You sold out, Whedon and you didn’t even do it well. And that, my love, is why you are now in jail. You go make good original kickawesome stuffs again please.
And now it’s my turn to pass on the baton and I’m passing it to our good friend, Eric over at the ipc! Be sure to check out who he decides to spring!! And thanks again, Mike, for letting me in on the fun that was the Movie Jail Relay Race!!
New Issue of Rogue Cinema
The latest issue of Rogue Cinema is up, y’all!! w00t! So what’s on tap for this month? Well, this time around I got to interview Brad C. Hodson, horror author, about his newest novel “Darling”. It’s very Stephen King’ish so if you’re into that sort of thing, check it out!
Next up is a review of Benny Loves Killing, a meta-love note to film kind of flick that’s visually beautiful.
After that we’ve got The Feed, another sci-fi dystopian cyber punk body modification flick (seriously, when did this genre get so big??).
And last but not least (and personally my favorite), On The Horizon, a stunning short with which I fell madly in love.
There’s tons of other cool stuff in this issue too AND in case y’all didn’t hear, our very own Mike from Mike’s Film Talk is now writing for Rogue as well!! High fives all around!!! So go check it and I’ll be back later today with another fun-filled post! (Yes, that is the sound of the Horsemen coming, obviously the apocalypse is nigh if I am posting twice in one day… ).
Hamlet 2
I haven’t done Hamlet 2
If the idea of a song entitled “Rock Me Sexy, Jesus” makes you squirm, don’t watch this movie. On the other hand, if the idea of that same song conjures up thoughts of a warped version of “Godspell”, then at the very least watch the last 20 minutes of this film. Or just watch this clip to get a taste!
“Hamlet 2” started out big and went nowhere. It sold for $10 million to Focus Features at Sundance in 2008, almost beating out the record set by “Little Miss Sunshine” (sold at $10.5 million). Unfortunately, “Hamlet 2” brought in roughly less than half of what it was sold for. It just goes to prove that even if you’re quirky, that doesn’t always equal success.
It’s also unfortunate that it’s not hard to see why “Hamlet 2” did so poorly. Part of it was the hype and the nifty trailers which made the film out to be THE NEXT BIG THING, ergo when people actually watched it, they were more disappointed than if there’d been no hype. Basically it’s two hours of nothing. Now there have been movies that have done nothing well (for example “Empire Records”). But Hamlet 2 failed in its quest. It’s not all bad though.
Amy Poehler, je t’adore!
Dana Marschz (Steve Coogan) is a failed actor turned high school drama teacher who still dreams of hitting the big time. Instead he’s stuck in a dead end town where a total of two students take his class. To satisfy his “creativity”, Marschz stages two person play of movies (such as “Erin Brokavich”). To add to his lackluster life, he is also tormented by a theater reviewer, who appears to be about 9 years old. Doesn’t get much worse than this, folks. Then comes the day when Marschz comes to work only to find his class filled to the brim with students! The movie takes a “Dangerous Minds” turn (in a WAY less serious and dramatic way) and with the school threatening to take away his class (his one reason for living), Marschz writes, directs and produces “Hamlet 2”.
SO MUCH DAMN POTENTIAL!!
So where’s the bad? Part of it is the awkwardness of the movie. It’s not cute awkward like Michael Cera, it’s at times uncomfortably awkward. Scenes drag and you find yourself checking your watch to see how much time has passed only to find that it’s been 10 seconds since you last checked.
And where’s the good? Well, David Arquette has a role where he speaks approximately 10 words. Elisabeth Shue is hilarious as herself. And obviously the best part of all is the staging of “Hamlet 2”, featuring “Rock Me Sexy, Jesus”. It’s a rockin’, irreverent good time!
Up to you, dear reader, which way you’d like to go with this one. It’s no “Terror Toons” but it’s no “Little Miss Sunshine” either.
House of Fears
*Before we start, if you haven’t yet checked out Guerrilla Graffiti, you definitely should! There is so much awesome happening there it’s almost overwhelming. Two examples: FALLEN (by me!) and “It’s a ‘Listen to the Beatles on Vinyl in Headphones’ Kind of Night”.*
I’m 95% certain the only reason I added House of Fears 
There’s nothing new when it comes to House of Fears – it’s the typical “teens sneak into an abandoned fun house for teenage sexy shenanigans when an ancient evil awakens and preys upon them” sort of gag but where others have been able to make this plot into something ridiculously hilarious, House of Fears manages to do a not half bad job of making a decent movie. As by the numbers as it may be, the actors don’t totally suck, the script tried it’s best to add layers and the evil clown when it did finally show up was effing terrifying. I also rather enjoyed the use of scarecrows happening here. Not enough evil scarecrows in the world – I can only think of like 4 other movies of the top of my head.
We’re pretty so of course we’re going to die!
What we’ve got here are: the adorable couple that can’t keep their hands off of each other, two stepsisters who aren’t fond of each other and the dude the stepsisters are fighting over (okay, really it’s actually less melodramatic than that – one girl doesn’t like her stepsister, the other sister is kind of ambivalent about the whole thing and it’s the dude that’s trying to get them to fight over him). Still we’ve got our stereotypes (and there’s a prankster around, he’s just not in this photo). We’ve got a funhouse of fears that has a handful of classic phobias and a monkey statue! I almost forgot about that monkey statue – that’s the big KEY TO IT ALL in this. AND there’s power tools! Kind of a smorgasbord really.
And of course there’s this guy.
So what I’m really trying to say here, while using a lot of words to say nothing at all, is mostly that I’m sleepy but other than that I’m saying I wouldn’t recommend you go out of your way to hunt this one down but if you happen to come across it one rainy day, it’s not a bad way to pass the time.
Snow Beast
First things first, thank you and welcome to all my new followers! Seriously, where did you all come from?? One thing you’ll quickly learn about me is that I’m a terrible blogger (no idea who gave me this job in the first place…) who is quite bad at updating due to a whole lot of factors so I apologize in advance. I’m trying to improve, for reals.
Secondly, I seem to have been nominated for a LAMMY (thanks to Tyson for pointing that out to me because I had no clue). No idea how that happened but thank you to whomever or whatever got me there – it’s so greatly appreciated!! I believe it’s common protocol to beg for votes so if you’d like to vote for me as…um…Best Horror Blog, I think…oh dear, I don’t even know if that’s right…*sighs*…well, that would also be greatly appreciated! You must be a LAMB and you can go vote for me HERE. And thank you!!!!
Now on to the main event – Snow Beast – warning, there will be spoilers ahead so if you were, like, super excited to see this please read no further.
*WARNING – SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!*
Ah….where to start with Snow Beast
What we have here is a creature feature of the most highlarious kind. We have DAD, DAUGHTER who hates DAD and has been expelled from school for fighting, FEMALE potential love interest and ROB, token other male otherwise referred to here on out as WIMP BOY. DAD heads a research team who annually go out to the middle of Canada to track Canadian Lynx (apparently that is a job people have). Since DAUGHTER has been expelled from school, she’s forced to come with this year, whining and moaning the whole way. Jason London plays a ranger who is concerned about an unusual amount of people disappearing in the snowy Canadian wilderness as of late and who has a boss (I think it’s his boss?) who doesn’t like the cold (WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO LIVE IN CANADA??).
The happy research team
The majority of the movie is as follows:
DAUGHTER: Why, oh why must I be tortured like this? I can’t even get a phone signal here in the wilderness!
DAD: Perhaps you shouldn’t have gotten expelled from school then.
DAUGHTER: I hate you because Mom left! (turning to WIMP BOY) Wow, you’re, like, so HOT!
FEMALE: Where are all the lynxes this year?
WIMP BOY: *falls over his own feet*
OMG, SNOW BEAST!!!
THEN this guy shows up – he’s been not only eating the lynxes BUT all the people too! Dude, y’all! He destroys our research team’s snowmobiles and runs around being a jerk. Our team decides they must get the HELL outta there but FEMALE is all “But he’s eating the lynxes! We need to get documentation or no one will believe us and then everyone else will come in and steal our glory!” Silly FEMALE. She of course goes and gets herself killed. MALE is cranky because his potential girlfriend got all dead and stuff so he heads out to…catch the Snow Beast? Not really sure but he heads out and gets all kidnapped and stuck in a snow cave for later consumption which leaves WIMP BOY alone with DAUGHTER for a night defending themselves in their log cabin from the Snow Beast which goes a little like this:
DAUGHTER: OMG, we’re gonna die!!
WIMP BOY: Yeah, probably…
DAUGHTER: You’re supposed to the brave one!!
WIMP BOY: Why?
DAUGHTER: So I’m not scared!! I wish my dad was here.
WIMP BOY: Me too. He’s super brave and shiz.
And then later on:
DAUGHTER: What am I supposed to do if dad’s dead? I go home and then what?…
WIMP BOY: Eh, you’ll figure something out Orphan Girl.
And then comes the awesome ending that involves dragging raw food on a garbage can lid to lure Snow Beast out (of course WIMP BOY makes the DAUGHTER carry this) so they can shoot the Snow Beast full of tranquilizers and try to save MALE from the snow cave. The best part EVER?? MALE is still alive, WIMP BOY and DAUGHTER grab him and THEN MALE and DAUGHTER run for their lives leaving WIMP BOY to his doom. *giggles* I’m watching and am like, “What the hell? You people suck!” Totes brill.
Guerrilla Graffiti has Launched!
Today was the day of the introduction of Guerrilla Graffiti and so far it’s been pretty great with (last time I checked) 700 views! There’s some great stuff happening here from poetry to lists (which I adore – listmaking makes me happy!) to movie reviews to art to a closer look at the obesity epidemic in felines. I hope you’ll all check it out and maybe even hit the follow button because there will be new stuff posted all the time, not just once a month or quarterly like other lit mags.
Podcast & Guerrilla Graffiti
Hey guys! If you missed the Geek Soul Brother podcast the other night, you can still check it out (I mean, if you’re so inclined) HERE. Although I’m pretty sure I sound like a total spaz, so you know, you don’t have to like rush on over or anything.
Also, I’m excited to announce that I’m now writing and doing photography for Guerrilla Graffiti, a new magazine that launches Tuesday! What I’m writing over there is VERRRRYYYYYY different than what I write here (although I will be doing the occasional movie review for them as well) but I’ll be focusing more on women’s issues and social issues especially pertaining to mental disorders and other similar things. So again, if you feel inclined, check it out! All the info is below!
Guerrilla Graffiti Magazine will be launching this upcoming Tuesday. GG Mag is a collective effort of a dozen plus people all putting their honest selves on the page. The site is primarily a lit mag, hosting mainly poetry and short fiction, but it’s so much more than that. GG Mag will also feature great art pieces, reviews and articles that come straight from honest voices the whole world over. GG Mag will also feature some very original pieces including Ut Pictura Poesia, a comic illustrating the haikus of Sarah Elena Kirchmaier. In addition to that, we also will be posting the occasional satire article, our first one being “Fat Cat: An Expose of the Feline Obesity Epidemic in America,” and even a listmaker. Beyond all this, here at Guerrilla Graffiti, we don’t quite know what we have yet. We want the site to evolve organically as it gains an honest sense of community. We hope you will support our small but strong effort and check it out.
