Category Archives: Irregular Posting
This past weekend I was out of town for a few days for my niece’s 6th birthday (hence why no posts still). Now, my niece Tay is a riot. This is the girl who told one of her grandmothers that she should dye her hair pink when said grandmother wanted to cover up the grey (that may or may not have been my influence, I really can’t say…) and the same girl who recently used “selfie” in a sentence (that one was ALL me – you’re welcome, world, heh). She’s also a total sweetheart; a reading rockstar and pretty much the light of my life (well her AND her little bro, can’t play faves!). This past weekend, however, we had THIS conversation that I thought you all would appreciate:
I have a bottle cap necklace I got at Horror Hound that says “I Love Bruce Campbell”. My Tay is learning to read and she’s pretty damn good at it.
Tay (reading my necklace as she and G’man -her little bro- examine it closely): I love…(tries to sound it out and gives up)…what does that say, Auntie Misty?
Me: Bruce Campbell. I love Bruce Campbell.
G’man: What’s a Bruce Campbell?
Me: Well, he’s a who, not a what and he’s an actor.
(G’man totally loses interest at this point.)
Tay: In what?
Me: (wondering just how badly her mother will kill me if I try to explain THE EVIL DEAD to the 6 year old in very watered down tones…figure it will be A LOT) In movies…and TV…boring grown up stuff though, you’d hate it.
Tay: Oh. Okay.
SEVERAL MINUTES LATER…(a cookie for you if you get that reference)
Tay (reading necklace again): I love Bruce…what was his name again, Auntie Misty?
Me: Bruce Campbell.
Tay: And you love him?
Me: Um…well, yeah, I like him a lot. He’s a good actor. (Easiest explanation to go with anyway)
Tay: What does he look like?
Me: Hang on, let me get a pic up on my phone. (Googles BC and finds a non-EVIL DEAD pic to show her) Here.
Tay: (looks at photo…looks at me…looks at photo) THAT’S Bruce Campbell?
Me: Uh, yeah?
Tay: (looks at me with a raised eyebrow) Really, Auntie Misty? (eye roll, sigh and shake of her head) Really?
Sorry, Bruce Campbell, but the 6 year old is NOT impressed. *giggles* God, I love that girl.
And from here, just a note to say I finally seem to be caught up (mostly) on stuff and I’m not going out of town again for at least a couple of weeks and I HAVE been movie watching (AIMY IN A CAGE for one!) so reviews are coming and blog reading will actually be happening. And perhaps one day I’ll sleep as well…Catch ya on the flipside!
I *poofed* again. This time with good reason though. My best friend of the past 25 years got married this past Saturday and so this past week was crazy busy. I wish I could post a photo of her because she was absolutely gorgeous but suffice it to say, despite the fact that I loathe weddings with a fiery passion, it was a beautiful one and incredibly happy-making. :)
I just have a couple of more work things to catch up on and I’ll be good to go on jumping back into the Portland Film Fest films and my usual indies (and I’ve even watched a few things like THE BABADOOK here recently!). AND I’ll start making my rounds again (seriously guys, how do you manage to blog and read all those blogs and do everything else?? How did I used to do this? It’s insanity!). ;) I am also determined to fit in watching MAD MAX: FURY ROAD this week b/c dammit, I’m the only one who hasn’t seen it!!! Grrr-bunnies…
I’m hoping to fit in at least 3 films this week (*fingers crossed*) b/c I have a VERY important FROZEN themed birthday party to attend for my niece this weekend, so I will once again be busy.
Till then, though I’m sure you’ve already seen it, since I think this is totes amazeballs, I leave you with this brilliant editing job. Enjoy and happy Labor Day, guys! :)
Horror maven Wes Craven died today, age 76, from his battle with brain cancer. Normally I don’t post things like this but I think we all know how influential NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET has been in my life (I’ve only mentioned it a time or two…). It’s my favorite horror series; I own 2 documentaries about it (if there are more, PLEASE let me know because I need them!); have a sweet NOES shirt that I was gifted a couple of years ago; used to fall asleep to the theme song that I would play on repeat on my phone (what? It was soothing!) and had my proudest “parent” moment ever just the other day when my ex-bf’s kid sent me a story to read that he’d written for Creepypasta that had a Krueger homage in it. *wipes away happy tears* I am proud of the horror education I instilled in my kiddo.
The first SCREAM also made an impact on me as I was 16 when it came out (yes, I’m old, I know) and it was one of my first horror movies. It was so irreverent, so scary (at the time) and so fun. It made me realize movies didn’t have to come in a pre-packaged form and be like all the rest. Important knowledge for a girl who was nothing like anyone else in her small Southern town or her family.
And Mr. Craven knew that change was good such as when he wrote and directed this bit from one of my favorite films, PARIS JE T’AIME:
So goodbye, Wes Craven, and THANK YOU for all the nightmares.
It’s Devil Week over at the IPCs because everyone needs more devil in their lives, right? Starting yesterday, there’ll be five days worth of movies with the word devil in the title that may or may not have to do with the devil at all! (Or in this case, not necessarily in the title but ya know…E said it was totes cool!) And so I present our He Said/She Said of I’M NOT JESUS MOMMY:
I’ve never been a real big fan of “The Omen” style Antichrist movies, probably because I was bred into a religious environment growing up, and, as a Sagittarius, I can’t really take it when people tell me what to do and how to think and what’s trendy and what to watch and what to do and everything else. The “Sag” is a free spirit who makes his (her) own decisions by trying it out himself (herself) before making the decision of like or dislike or hang on to or get rid of. So, here we have an Apocalypse movie, via “The Rapture” that’s really (thankfully) not too preachy but, honestly, suffers from WAY too much slowness, boredom and, I do hate it, but not too much budget. With “Amber Lake“, those folks showed us how to make a really GOOD movie with no money. Here, the acting is pretty bad from everyone, but it’s not like I just hired my neighbor from across the street to do the co-star role for 200 bucks, I think it’s just a lack of experience. I am always appreciative that a movie gets made (who knows if I’ll ever even finish my screenplay and try), much less gets picked up and distributed, but this was just kind of too slow. I mean, I think they really tried, but, for real, I played 20 rounds of Words With Friends during the loooooong musical interludes because I was not interested, I thought about how I might review this because I think they had a good idea which could have been much better with some more funding, I thought about how (in no way ever) I could give some money for a better remake and, for those of you who look at this, I thought about how I had the shot in my back today and I could finally sit comfortably, and I thought about how I have to go to work tomorrow. Anyway, this is boring and slow and has several record-playing pauses that dim any excitement that might be brewing, BUT – it’s a good story, if you don’t mind a Christian style End-of-Days Rapture thing.
So – a very large chested woman named Bridget McGrath plays a very successful fertility doctor named Kimberly Gabriel who can’t have kids of her own. She is opted in to a U.S. Army experiment where an actor named Charles Hubbell (Dr. Gibson) has finally figured out how to clone a human embryo. Despite her initial reservations, she decides to go along with the experiments on illegal Mexican aliens as hosts and goes ahead and self-inseminates herself with one of the clone-embryos. Sure enough, it takes (but none of the others do) and eventually she Cesarean-style has a baby she names David (complete with an upside down cross indention on his baby-head). Shortly after that, we cut to seven years later, the Earth is in famine, war and death (Revelations), everyone seems to have “the mark of the beast”, the U.S. is in some sort of Ice Age and (I think) the Mexican government is controlling everything from food to water and bread and there is no gas or electricity. Kim and her son David are living alone in a cold, cold apartment and he Doctor (Hubbell) has gone bat-shit religious, preaching (and praying) constantly to his live-in sister and her daughter.
I’ll stop here, because this is a decent (but very slow) movie and I shouldn’t spoil it, but this could be much better. Let’s ax the record playing, the CGI cold breath, the way, WAY too many close-up shots, the irritating preaching by Hubbell, the clothes-with-no-bodies-Rapture business and make this into something exciting that’s not “Vanishing on 7th Street“. To me it’s “to each their own” and I have long read into the dogma of Christianity (and many other religions) and I get it, but how about someone funds something that is actually scary about the Apocalypse, which is a fearful thought, whichever “ism” you believe in. It’s been a LONGtime since I saw it with my friend Dave M, but I think my favorite of these types of things is “The Prophecy” with none other than my main man, Christopher Walken.
No, no you are NOT Jesus because I’m fairly certain Jesus would’ve had the common courtesy to put a comma in that freaking title. Seriously. That’s the first thing that’s wrong with I’m Not Jesus Mommy but never fear, that’s not the only thing that’s wrong here, trust me. There’s lots more to come!
The story starts out with a woman. She’s a cancer survivor but unfortunately the cancer left her unable to conceive. She has a husband who seems pretty sweet and loving – I mean they spend the first 20 minutes of the movie dancing around the kitchen and drinking wine and snuggling. In between the lovey-dovey, there are shots of the woman (Kimberly, btw) being interviewed because she is also a fertility doctor (irony!), then going to a top super secret meeting with military personnel, then getting all furious because at this top super secret meeting she learns that these people are cloning, then after that she decides to take a job with them. Hey, minds can be changed in the blink of an eye.
Roger is the lead doctor of this top super secret cloning project which seems to mostly consist of catching illegal immigrants and offering them the chance to become a permanent resident if they agree to be implanted and carry a baby to term. The embryos that aren’t implanted are destroyed which agonizes Kimberly. So what does she do? She grabs the first one she sees and impregnates herself, of course! No learning anything about the embryo or where it came from or any characteristics of it, nope, just point and shoot with the turkey baster. She’s totes excited about this and runs home to tell her husband who becomes furious. Why? Because she didn’t ask him and this wasn’t just her decision. This was an odd turn of events to me because it’s made pretty apparent before hand that Kimberly really really wants a baby and if you didn’t want a baby, Mr. Husband, pretty sure you should’ve said something like, AGES ago. *shakes head, rolls eyes* Mr. Husband runs off in a rage and immediately gets into a car wreck where his car is flipped over. Then another car comes along a minute later and smashes into him. Oh well.
Baby is born (which is pretty epic because all the other embryos implanted were still-born), baby is baptized. And suddenly, it’s 7 years later and the world has gone crazy. Mexico has closed off its borders and built a wall to discourage US and Canadian citizens from crossing into their land. People are being fed government rations and starving. There’s barely any electricity or heat and all that’s on the telly are the government rules (curfews, punishment for not obeying the rules). Life pretty much sucks.
Now, remember Roger, the cloning guru? Well, he’s gone extremely religious. He’s somewhere between fanatic and extremist. I mean, he’s smothering people in the name of love and all that (just a note – one of the people he smothers is an adorable little child so if that sort of thing bothers you, for sure never watch this one). And baby? Well, his name’s David and he has an imaginary friend named Kuddles and his mommy is dying and he wants to go to Mexico. There’s a lot of “yada, yada, government is bad, yada, yada, mommy is dying, yada, yada” exposition and then suddenly we’re at the end of this thing without anything really having happened. I will tell you this much about the end. The whole “I’m not Jesus” thing comes about from David having been cloned from blood found on the Shroud of Turin. Yep, he’s supposed to be a Jesus clone.
So what are my issues here? How about a handy little list?
1. The acting is bad. Kimberly is completely monotone. “My baby!” carries as much weight here as “I took out the garbage.” It’s entirely distracting.
2. This movie has no idea what it wants to be about. It starts off being about the dangers of cloning, then suddenly it turns into a statement about immigration, THEN it goes all religious and finally at the very end, it’s about cloning again. Now if they had picked just one of these (hell, even two) it would’ve made for a much more linear narrative but instead we get a jumble that doesn’t know what it wants to be preaching about.
3. The description I read about the movie before I watched states that “odd things happen when David is around”. NOTHING odd happens when David is around except that he’s a weird kid that wants to bring his mom back to life when she dies. And there’s one instance where Kuddles seems to “come to life”, so to speak.
4. We see people getting killed and then a minute later, all that’s left of them is their clothing. So we seem to have the Rapture going on but why do they need to die first for this to happen? Admittedly, I haven’t gone to church in awhile but my understanding is that you can just be raptured without being killed first.
5. Why did the world suddenly go all Big Brother crazy? There is NO indication of this happening prior to the title card “7 Years Later”. Did cloning make this happen, is that what we’re supposed to surmise? This plot point seemed to come totally out of left field.
So much wrong when this could’ve been so much of a right. *sighs*
Are you a runner (or a walker or anything in between)? Are you a geek (or a nerd or a dork)? Have you a favorite fandom or gaming obsession or fabulous sword collection or anything like that? If you answered YES! to any of those 3 questions, then you NEED to know about this new group, The Rogue Runners. They’ve only just launched and already I’m super excited! So who exactly are they?
The Rogue Runners was created by Carry Crawford, a woman in Jersey (you might remember her from Misty & Carry’s Drunken Reviews for past Shitfests!), who enjoys participating in 5ks and other runs. However, she found that they could get very expensive quickly. For just one person, registration is often $40-60; there are the travel expenses (even if it’s local there may be parking fees or even just food and drink while you’re out for the day); and for smaller runs it’s rare to get a participation medal – most of the time it’s a t-shirt and some other printed gear like pens or keychains. When Carry heard about Virtual Runs – 5ks (or more) that you can do on your own time wherever you are – it seemed to hit all the best parts of what doing an event meant to her. They are less expensive because you don’t have all the overhead of an organized run; you can still donate to a good charity; and you can receive a fun participation medal for being involved. Cool, huh? Honestly, I’d never heard of Virtual Runs till I spoke with Carry (I had to give up running a couple of years ago is probably the reason why but now that my health is better, I’m thinking this is the perfect way to start back up again!).
Still, Carry said, there was an element missing…The one piece that was lacking with the majority of virtual runs Carry found was the subject matter. For instance, a medal with a cartoon-y Santa lounging at the beach just didn’t get her interested. See, Carry (like a lot of people) is into a lot of geeky stuff – Star Wars, Star Trek, Tolkein, comic books – and she had a hard time finding runs that spoke to that side of her. As she said, “I knew there must be other people who would like a participation medal inspired by their favorite movies or shows!” And thus, The Rogue Runners was born – “Virtual Runs for Real Charities with a Side of Geekdom”! This way you can get cool medals for doing something you like or perhaps this will get fans of those subjects interested in getting involved in a virtual run. At the same time, money is being raised for great charities, so a win for everyone!
So what’s up with the charity part? Well, every good turn deserves another, and so for each race held, a portion of the proceeds will be donated to various charities with participants having a choice between two charities for where they want their part of the donation to go. Kickawesome right? Totes. For example, the inaugural race is The Running Dead (yes, indeed it IS The Walking Dead and the medal is wicked mad, ya’ll!) and the two charities you can choose from are NEDA (National Eating Disorder Association – because eating, get it? Ha! And more importantly because eating disorders suck and they wreak havoc and they are WAY too fucking prevalent) AND Puppies Behind Bars (AWWW!!!).
Seriously, could this BE more cool??? I’m already making a list of my favorite TV shows and cult films as well as charities to be taken into consideration, haha. If you have suggestions, holler at The Rogue Runners via Facebook, Twitter or their website (they’d love to hear from you!). And finally here are the deets for The Running Dead, mwhahahahaha:
Join us October 11-17, 2015 in celebration of the return of our favorite zombie show! Walk, jog or run at your own pace for a 5k, 10k, Half Marathon or Full Marathon and imagine gathering supplies, looking for other apocalypse survivors and outrunning the walking dead!
Every participant will receive a one-of-a-kind medal* measuring about 3″ in diameter and including a ribbon to wear proudly, display, or use as a last-resort weapon against the undead! Medal will ship within 30 days after the event has ended on October 17, 2015.
We offer 10% off the registration price for a quantity of 5 or more.
Hey guys & gals! What’s the haps? :) Hope everyone had a good 4th and there were no fireworks mishaps (looking at you, E…). Wanted to share something for my filmmaker friends out there –
ScareFest Film Festival 8, hosted by Izzy’s Little Creepers (which is an AWESOME name), is happening September 11-13 in Lexington, KY, and they’re still accepting submissions for the festival. It’s a great way to get your work out there (we all know how the festival runs go!) and, obviously, it’s totally suited to you horror & gore creators. :) It looks pretty fun and I’m sad I don’t have any projects that fit into the theme here.
If you’re in the area and just wanna go hang out, the guest line-up includes Sid Haig, Sal Lizard, a bunch of people from this past season of American Horror Story, a bunch of people from Phantasm…there’s several people from older stuff (like The Munsters – is that what that show was called??) and I think that’s pretty cool, anyway. ;)
So check it out, filmmakers, and if you’ve got something to enter – ENTER IT! – so people can watch it and it can win awards and shit! The website has the submission form and all the nitty-gritty but if you wanna screw the deets, I’m including the submission form right here so it’s handy!
Have fun, guys! Let us know if you’re entering something, so we can share the news and rant & rave about the awesomeness of your film and the like. :)
*FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION*
From writer/directors Jeremy Scoggins and Matthew Hibbs and Executive Producer P.J. Starks (Volumes of Blood) comes the next generation of super heroes.
The Trio: Knightmare, Dreamcatcher, and Anarchy-X, three ordinary people, called upon to be the vigilante heroes of a city wrought with dark secrets. Plagued with their own personal demons, they bring it upon themselves to become the saviors in a thankless city. Under the watchful eye of their mentor Chronos, who harbors a past of darkness himself, the Trio wages a war on the villains of the city. The sadistic drug lord Animus holds grip on the underworld, while Persephone Masters, a crafty and powerful politician, sits on high in the city and hires the cold and calculating assassin, Strife, to eliminate anyone who stands in her way. The villains play River City like their own personal chess game with the veiled and mysterious Cryofire corporate power quietly plotting all the moves. With the Trio holding on to what justice there is left in the city, they are faced with unexpected challenges both within themselves and throughout the streets as they set about hunting down the men and women who have corrupted their city.
In a city where crime seeps from its pores, the victims must become the answer to their own prayers.
Production Company: Hive Mind Studios
Starring: Jeremy Scoggins, Louisa Torres, Derreck Fraser, Markus Porter, Kevin Arnold, Jeremiah Hinson, Jaron Scoggins.
You too can help stop evil by contributing to the cause!
The latest issue of Rogue Cinema is here and you KNOW you’re dying to read it…so what are you waiting for? An engraved invitation?? Sorry, I don’t have any of those. I can give you a preview of the issue though! Inside this month, you’ll find great articles on awesome films like these (and TONS more)!
Happy New Year! I hope you all had a fun (and safe) night last night. :) I hung out with my cat and read and watched movies (because I’m old and boring like that). Still, I’m super happy to see 2014 go. It was a really rough year, kind of a non-stop downhill momentum. Lots of doctors, some hospitalizations and due to those things, I lost passion for some things, forgot what it is I love to do. That’s one thing I’m hoping for in 2015, is the ability to find those things again, whether they be old passions or new ones.
I don’t do resolutions – I’m terrible at things like that, lol. What I do is mottos. And I think my motto for 2015 is “It’s YOUR Life”. Kind of sounds silly but when you’ve been through a year of health issues with different doctors telling you what to take, what to do, how to do things, etc., it can feel like you don’t exactly have control over your life. So this motto means I’m taking back control, even as I continue on the path to healthy, and doing the things I want and creating a life worth living.
Whatever your motto or resolutions, I wish you the best of luck. Here’s to a kick ass year! :)