Category Archives: Guest Bloggers
Guest Post – The Reef
If there is one thing we do here in Australia, its animals that could straight up fucking kill
you. 15 out of the 10 deadliest snakes in the world are Australian and we’ve got two species
of killer spiders. Throw in killer crocs, octopus, jellyfish and even shells amongst others, and
coming here can be a little intimidating. Hell we even have giant birds and kangaroos that can
kick you to death.
But to be really honest, these animals are generally totally off the beaten track. With the
exception of kangaroos (which I see basically every day on my drive to work and I live in
Australia’s capital city) most people would be (un)lucky to see any of the above animals once
or twice in a lifetime. So day to day, there is little to fear about these things.
Something tells me these people will be (un)lucky…
However, the most notable exception is frickin sharks. As a generalisation, Aussies love the
beach. And that is a shark’s domain, there is no outrunning a shark in the water. Shark attacks
are relatively common and I would say there are 3-5 fatal attacks a year here. Not to mention
quite a few more finger and leg chompings. Little reason then that sharks are the animals
most feared by Australians.
Also little reason then that The Reef scared the living shit out of me. A tale of 4 friends
who find themselves alone way out to sea after the yacht they are on sinks. Alone that is,
besides all the bloody sharks (or at least one really pesky one). This is not your over the top,
Sharkasaurus type film. This is raw, real and visceral. The masterstroke of the film is that
it utilises almost exclusively real shark footage and then edits it seamlessly into the action.
Thinking about it a little more, the editing of the film really is spectacularly good. Editing
is one of those facets of film that whilst I realise its importance, I don’t generally notice or
comment on that much. Here though, it really makes the film.
There’s a reason I stay out of the ocean.
The film looks pretty incredible, with plenty of really crisp looking ocean shots. All of these
perfectly convey the utter vastness of the ocean, just how frightening and isolating a place it
can be. And whilst aspects of the set-up are a little pulpy with an almost TV feel to them, the
action picks up in a second half that is really quite harrowing. It is almost as if you are living
the entire ordeal with these people. I’ve seen the film twice now and both times I was pretty
effected by it and it gave me pause for thought the next time I dipped a toe in the water of one
of our pristine beaches.
I highly recommend this film. This is legit thriller territory, not B movie madness (if you’re
more keen on the latter, check out the 2012 Aussie flick Bait 3D). The story is simple, yet
brutal. And it finishes off with a really well crafted, not to mention pretty brutal, conclusion.
Take a look if you can get your hands on it.
(Editor’s Note: Just the trailer gives me the heebie-jeebies to the point I don’t think I’d make it through this!)
Thanks again to Tim of Not Now I’m Drinking a Beer and Watching a Movie for the excellent guest review. Be sure to check out his site because he constantly has sweet things going on!
Bigfoot – Guest Review by Not Now I’m Drinking a Beer and Watching a Movie
First off, Happy New Year’s, y’all!! My hiatus is pretty much over and I’ve almost recovered from the Alabama Death Plague so yay! Hope you all had a fabulous NYE – 2013 is going to be majorly kickawesome!! And to start it off, we have a fabulous guest review by Not Now I’m Drinking a Beer and Watching a Movie. Don’t know if you all have checked out Tim’s site yet but seriously look at that name. That’s like my freaking tagline right there. I’m kinda jealous I didn’t think of that first actually. 
Anyway, Tim has all sorts of cool action happening on his site so swing by and check him out! And thank you, Tim, for taking on Bigfoot
Billed as starring “70s cultural icons” Danny Bonaduce and Barry Williams, two dudes I wouldn’t recognise, Bigfoot is a slice of B-movie heaven that veers from the inspired to woeful.
I’m assuming these are the icons, no?
The film opens with a prologue that is probably its coolest moment. An awesome food chain inspired sequence that sees a frog eat an insect, a fish eat that frog, a bear eat that fish, a man shoot that bear, then finally the bigfoot eat the man. As the film gets going, I recognise one of the aforementioned icons (I think Williams) to be obviously a former star of The Brady Bunch (here he comes complete with a harem of young environmentalist women). The story, not that is important, takes place in Deadwood, South Dakota as preparations for a throwback 80s music festival see trees being chopped down to make way for the stage, leading to one exceptionally pissed off Bigfoot who starts throwing down. Clashing over the environmental aspects of this tale are two former bandmates, one now a greenie, the other the organiser of the festival (and terrible radio jockey). This story goes on and on, so much so that you will be chanting “We want more Bigfoot” like I was before too long. Thankfully the filmmakers oblige with a bigfoot laden last half hour.
Thank you Google Images for THIS – awesomesauce!!
What is important of course is the frickin Bigfoot. Initially I was quite impressed with the special effects that show this huge beast. But then I opened my eyes a little and realised that they are rather atrocious. They seem to get increasingly bad as the film wears on. Like the filmmakers blew their budget on the first couple. Some of the ones toward the end of the film are actually clearly unfinished effects shots. Whilst the rest of them, except for the first couple, look like Playstation 1 level computer graphics copy and pasted onto your screen.
Depending on your point of view Bigfoot is either so bad it’s good, or just so bad. I tend to think it is the former. It sort of has to be watched for the simple awesomeness of its murderous Bigfoot. Not to mention its hippy ex-Brady Buncher vs failed 80s rock star capitalist storyline. Throw in a legitimately nonsensical script and some comically bad, in the best B movie kind of the way, acting and you have some B monster fantasticness.
OMG, I just totally fell in love with that trailer…Thanks again to Tim from Not Now I’m Drinking a Beer and Watching a Movie!
The First Five – How to Kill a Judge
Today is a guest First Five from E over at theipc! Thank you so much for contributing!!!
There’s not much that bothers me more than not completing something, be it a book or a magazine or a job or a bar of soap. But it really bothers me when I can’t finish a two hour movie for the love of Pete. I have really been enjoying watching these old 70s Italian horrors and this is what NetFlix advised I order based on my previous choices. Being stupid like I can be sometimes, I didn’t read anything about it and fired it up and my god this was the most boring and irritating thing I have seen in years.
Far from being a horror movie (this is some sort of political thing) this also came to me with subtitles. It never bothers me to “read” a movie but it can get difficult when there’s too much talking and that’s what this was. This was nothing but a bunch of people talking and talking asfastasfucking possible – in Italian – and waving their hands above their heads. And screaming. Well, it seemed like they were screaming. If you take any sort of old stereotype about an Italian man he always seems to be screaming and waving his hands in the air. And that’s what these guys were doing – the entire time.
Not only could I not keep up with the reading, so I had no idea what the fuck was going on, they were loud and it was just irritating and finally at about 30 minutes I had to call it quits. I hated that I had to quit because I really like the lead in this, Franco Nero, but this was too much. My friend Mary took it off of my hands and politely pointed out that there is a dubbed version on the disc but I was too far gone to try it again (she said it was kind of good). Anyway, I quit this stupid movie and, for posterity, I sent it over to my other good friend Misty for all of our sakes.
Eddie the Sleepwalking Cannibal
Today is a guest post by the always lovely Tyson over at Head in a Vice. If you haven’t already, I highly suggest you head over and check out his site as he always does fabulous work AND has a couple of really sweet projects running (such as Desert Island Films and IMDB Top 250 Films Reviewed). Thanks again for this Tyson!! YOU ROCK!!! 
Eddie: The Sleepwalking Cannibal is a Canadian-Danish co-production about an artist called Lars (Thure Lindhardt), who takes up teaching art in a small Canadian town. On his way to his new job, driving through the Canadian back roads Lars drives into a deer in the middle of the road (bloody jaywalkers!). Though the animal manages to survive the accident, it remains unable to move and Lars humanely decides to put it out of its misery. He finds himself a rock and proceeds to try and smash its head in.
In doing this, it’s almost as if something inside of him stirs, and he realises that this brutality is giving him inspiration. It appears as though violence stimulates Lars’ brush, which is an important fact especially considering that the man hasn’t made any new work in years, much to his art dealer Ronny’s (Stephen McHattie) dismay.
Lars
Once he gets to his job, he finds that one of his pupils is Eddie (Dylan Smith), who never speaks and appears to have learning difficulties. Lars ends up looking after Eddie and lets him stay at his house, as it turns out that the school is legally bound to look after him due to his Aunt funding the academy. Over time Lars discovers Eddies secret – that when he sleepwalks he eats things, namely animals and people. Although disgusted at first, Lars realises he can harness this and uses Eddie to continue to give him the inspiration for his painting. There were no real twists in the story from this point on, and it ends in a predictable fashion.
Eddie
The film has a nice pace to it, and director Boris Rodriguez manages to mix together a decent blend of horror and satire but also never overplays the genre elements. Acting wise, although this is a very low-budget film, the majority give good performances. Lars is a likeable enough character that is really the ‘bad guy’ in the film, he just happens to find artistic inspiration so elusive that he’ll take it where he can get it, and that to him the ends justify the means. Eddie is just doing all that he knows really, and is used by Lars. Dylan Smith really is the stand out performer, although he never speaks he manages to be a likeable character that I felt sorry for, and he has some great subtle mannerisms, despite what he was capable of doing in his sleep! The love interest for Lars comes in the form of fellow teacher Leslie (Georgina Reilly), and again she plays her role well.
Leslie
It is a weird, darkly comic tale that I saw marketed as a film in the same mould as Shaun of the Dead. Sadly, whilst Shaun was a brilliant film, combining humour, zombies and violence perfectly, Eddie never gets near the same heights. Whilst it doesn’t shy away from a little blood and violence, to animals and humans, the humour was never really present. I’ve read reviews which describe this as ‘terrifically funny‘ and ‘the best horror-comedy in years‘. Part of me wonders if they were indeed reviewed by someone involved with the making of the film, as with all due respect this is not a film which should be getting 10/10 ratings like it has at a couple of places. Either that or I’m just being cynical, and it’s just me that doesn’t ‘get‘ it.
In conclusion, sometimes a movie title shows us exactly what we are getting, and no film can do that more than Eddie: The Sleepwalking Cannibal. It’s a film about a cannibal named Eddie, who eats living things when he sleepwalks. If that doesn’t sound like something you want to see then there is nothing I (or anyone way more important than me!) can say about it that will change your mind. As the saying goes, ‘it does exactly what it says on the tin‘, and in fairness it’s really not a bad film and a refreshing change from anything else I’ve seen for a while. It knows it’s a low-budget B-movie, and it never strays far away from this path. I guess if it had a more serious tone and offered up a bit more blood and gore, or alternatively ramped up the comedy I would recommend it a lot more. As it is, Eddie is a harmless little film that whilst I wouldn’t recommend you go out of your way to catch, if you see it cheap or on TV then it may give you a chuckle or two.
Zombie Women of Satan
A BIG thank you to E. from theipc for this super special and super awesome guest post!!!!!!
If you and I were to go to a bar, order a shot and a beer and start talking, it would probably go something like this:
(Drinks arrive) YOU: So you watched that movie?
(Sipping beer) ME: Yup…
YOU: Was it any good?
(Dropping my shot in my beer glass) ME: ohmygodno..
YOU: It sure looked pretty crappy…
(Drinking my boilermaker): But I liked it!
YOU: Huh?
ME: Yep… it sure begs the question… “Is it necrophilia if one of them is undead?”
And there you go – if you’re going into a movie called Zombie Women of Satan
Zombie boob!
To open we have two stories unfolding. In one, a group of “travelling circus freaks” are performing for a group of women in some club in some unnamed city. Elsewhere, we are introduced to some sort of cult or commune or something at some swanky English estate where women of all sizes lounge around drinking and playing pool half naked (all in white lingerie) and getting the sex from either the son or daughter of the insane scientist who is performing “zombie experiments” (you know, in the name of science) to figure out the undead and win a Nobel Peace Price. The zombie experiments involve him chaining some poor woman to a table (in her lingerie, mind you), giving her a shot of some sort of liquid and watching her die, come back to life and become a flesh eating daughter of Satan. Oh yeah – then he kills her and feeds her body to his wife who is chained up nearby.
As it typically goes, during an interlude of one of these sessions, the daughter comes by with a punch bowl, some of the infected blood drips into it, it is served to the “community” and all of the crap hits the fan, in the form of the half clothed living turn into the flesh craved, half clothed dead and they start roaming the estate looking for their supper. How are Pervo and his buddies going to survive this mess? Well, it’s going to involve a lot of corny dialogue, zombie boob rubbing, baseball batting and something pretty funny with a chainsaw. This was a LOT better than I expected.
E Isaacs is the brains (or the lack of) behind his blog at theipc.me – he enjoys horror movies, classic doctor who, writing notes in leather bound journals, complex white board diagrams and does his best work while wearing his hulk hands.
Kind Hearts and Coronets
A huge thank you to Ki Arnould for this post!!
Like most folks who grew up after the baby boomers, I have difficulty finding the appeal
in black and white films. A lot of them feel old, outdated, and ring hollow in a culture
that favors colorful extremes over shades of gray. But there are a few grayscale classics
that should not be missed, and this is absolutely one of them.
Meet Louis Mazzini, the lead character in the 1949 gem “Noblesse Oblige (Aka Kind Hearts And Coronets)
a little shady.
But his acts are easily justified; the plot began as an act of vengeance on behalf of his
mother, who died penniless and alone when she was disowned for marrying an unsuitable
man. And if revenge is a dish best served cold, this guy’s kitchen is sub-zero. While
Louis is charming and charismatic, he is also calculating and manipulative, capable of
carrying on polite conversation with distant relatives even as he plots their untimely
deaths.
If Louis’s cold-hearted ambition doesn’t give you chills, maybe the supporting cast
will. In addition to two mid-century dames who tug (with partial success) on Louis’s
heartstrings, you’ll also enjoy the talents of Alec Guiness (or as we all know him, Obi
Wan Kenobi). Nearly thirty years before performing the Jedi mind trick, he played eight
distinct characters (male and female alike) in this quirky classic.
And come on, didn’t you always wonder what Obi Wan looked like in drag?
Mayhaps like this?
“Kind Hearts and Coronets” may be a grayscale film, but that’s the perfect spectrum for
a film where, despite all odds, you find yourself rooting for the bad guy. This subtle,
chilling, dark comedy will remind you just how much you love those cinematic shades of
gray.
*Unfortunately, the trailer for this couldn’t be embedded but the link is below!*
Ki Arnould is a sometimes-teacher, begrudging barista, scatter-brained writer, and
pop culture researcher with a penchant for film, fandom, and white chocolate toffee
cookies (not necessarily in that order).
