Category Archives: Grindhouse

The Disco Exorcist

DiscoExorcistKay, do y’all remember that special channel on my Roku called Midnight Pulp where I found Antfarm Dickhole?  For the newbies:  1) Yes, that’s an actual movie 2)Yes, I watched it 3) NO, I did not finish it 4) but a couple of other brave souls did and you should really check out all the reviews.  My goodness gracious me…anyway I found The Disco Exorcist on the same channel and well…just look at it guys, look at it!!  How on earth could I pass this up?  Of course, I couldn’t.  So here’s the lowdown:

Rex Romanski is a 1970s disco swinger who loves and leaves the wrong woman – the wicked black magic priestess Rita Maria. And now it’s up to Rex to undo the scorned Rita’s rampage of revenge, murder and destruction before she claims more lives, and possesses the soul of the woman he loves. A sexy, irreverent horror comedy – Get Down… and Get Dead!

DiscoExorcist3

This is Rex. And yes, I would’ve totally been one of those 800 million girls to sleep with him. It’s the long hair, dammit, it’s my kryptonite!

Anyway, Rexie is like the ladies man – I mean, the film starts with him doing two chicks (wearing blue and pink wigs which I HIGHLY approved of) and videotaping it all while snorting coke off one of the girls’ asses.  Obviously this man is THE man.  After all that having of THE SEX, Rexie is off to the disco club to dance the night away.  He meets the most awesome, amazing, totes diesel babe (is that 70s lingo or am I in the 80s now?) and they dance all night, then go back to his place for some more of THE SEX.

This bitch be cray-cray.

This bitch be cray-cray.

The next morning he’s off for brunch with his friend (which means he’s going to a theatre to watch porn with his friend) and so he and amazeballs chick decide to meet up that night for more disco lovin’.  And they do and all is well until the most awesome, amazing, totes diesel babe walks into the club and Rexie is in love (wait…I’m seeing some very strong similarities to Romeo & Juliet here…) Anywho, Babe #1 is pissed and seeing as how she’s a witch or a voodoo priest (are those different??), she pulls out a chunk of Babe #2′s hair and curses her.  Then she goes all psycho, screaming and crying and leaves the club.  It’s like my every Friday night in college.

Then…um….oh yeah, for some reason everybody becomes porn stars – not sure why but whatevs, do your thing.  So there’s lots of sex on roller skates and then Babe #2 gets all black-eyed psycho with two other porn stars and wakes up like this:

Luckily, my Friday's in college DID NOT end up like this.

Luckily, my Friday’s in college DID NOT end up like this.

And then there’s a whole bunch of her being possessed, then not being possessed and there’s sex and more sex and then there’s the killing and then it turns out Rexie’s brother isn’t actually a priest but the guy that runs the club IS and he’s performed an exorcism before!  Holy Mary Mother of God, y’all!  And then there’s a whole bunch of exorcist stuff (well, okay seriously for having the word “exorcist” in the title, this has very little exorcisms) and there’s a relatively happy ending.  Hehehehe…happy ending…

So basically, I saw more penises and sex before 11 AM then you guys did and got to see some blood and zombie possessed porn stars just for extra measure.  Go me.

Killer School Girls From Outer Space

 

Dude, y’all!  Just dude.  So I followed this guy on Twitter – he had a production company named Angry Nun Productions which made me *giggle* and also reminisce on the days when I was in an improv troupe called “Nuns in Straitjackets” and worked on this sketch show called “L.A.F.F.S.” and then my mind wandered to things like School of the Holy Beast and…yeah, well, suffice it to say the whole angry nun thing really struck a chord.  So we exchanged a couple of DM’s and I mentioned my site and how much I was loving the name of not only the company but also of this film because seriously y’all, just seriously look at that mother effing title!! (I get a little excited whenever I see the word “schoolgirls”…brings up some great movie moments in my mind…)  Anyway, he sent me a screener and I was all prepared to have this done right after Halloween month was over and well, ya know, Sandy and all…soooo, here it finally is – Killer School Girls From Outer Space!!!!! (There are seriously NOT enough exclamation marks in the world for this shiz).

“Directed by Alexander Shumake and starring Ron Jeremy, Donny Boaz, Julin, Derek Lee Nixon, Denise Williamson, Jordan Brower, Jenny Zhang, Kaci Flores and Clem Beard, Killer School Girls From Outer Space is a low-budget throwback to the classic sci-fi and exploitation B-movies of the 50s and 60s – but with a modern sexy schoolgirl twist…” ~IMDB

EXPLOSIONS!!!

The movie starts out with a quick note about how they truly dig on Roger Corman and how they aspire to be like him and how this movie is made in the same sort of way he did his early works which boils down to this is a superfun throwback to the drive-in days (E, I think you’ll love this!!!).  We’re talking lovers at Lover Lane, racist ole men, spaceships and small town fun, drag races and Ron Jeremy – this has pretty much everything anyone could ever want from a movie.

Old Man Jenkins!!!

The opening credits start with an army of men being attacked by schoolgirls and ends with an entirely wicked shot of a planet being blown up complete with old-timey sci-fi music (they talked about that in the directors commentary and I can’t remember the instrument they referenced…) shot with grainy, spotted film that mimics the look of instant classics such as Machete and Hobo with a Shotgun.  Next up is Ben and Allison out at *insert appropriate name for makin’ out spots here* where Allison is giving Ben a BJ, after which they discuss his inner turmoil at wanting to quit the football team (he’s the quarterback of course and Allison is a cheerleader).  Allison (Denise Williamson, who looks a lot like Amy Adams here) sweetly promises him she’ll always be cheering for him when they are distracted by a shooting star and decide to go check it out.  Before they can make it to where the star landed, they of course have to stop at the local drive in diner/hang out (seriously, I could almost swear this was filmed in my hometown, eerie…) where they must catch up with Ben’s best bud (who promptly asks him why he’s hearing that Ben is quitting football – 5 minutes after he’s only ever told Allison and god, that cracked me up because this happens the whole movie and if you’ve never lived in a small town and by that I mean small, then you don’t know the annoyance/humor that goes with everybody knowing your business even before you do) and where Ben is promptly drug into a drag race (more accurately Chicken) with the local bad boys.  The local bad boys are kinda hot, just sayin’.

MORE NUDITY!!!!

Drag race/chicken game, then off to finally find the shooting star which ends up being a SPACESHIP!!!  Ben and Allison also run into a burnt up Old Man Jenkins who ends up being killed in front of them and after that they are on the RUN!  First place they go is the police station where they tell their story to the deputy and sheriff (the sheriff being an older fella who doesn’t cotton to dang kids these days with their rock music and their heathen ways) who don’t believe them and then a whole bunch more people die and then suddenly everybody does believe and well, I don’t wanna ruin anything here but let’s just say the ending is so awesomely and ridiculously ridiculous in that epic drive in movie way.

And did I mention THIS guy is in it??

It should be apparent by now that I pretty much loved this movie as it’s right up my alley but here’s the thing – this is the type of movie that has to be right up your alley or you’re not going to like it.  If drive in flicks and old 50s era sci-fi movies aren’t your thing, avoid this.  If sometimes less than stellar, but ALWAYS effective CGI isn’t your thing, avoid this.  If people exploding isn’t your thing, avoid it.  If schoolgirls aren’t your thing, avoid this.  You know what?  If the title KILLER SCHOOL GIRLS FROM OUTER SPACE doesn’t get you all tingly and superexcited inside, then avoid this. (But how could it NOT????)

SCHOOLGIRL!!!!!

But if you’re like me (and I really think there’s a big majority of my readers who would totally groove on this here thing) and schoolgirls make you giggle like one, people exploding into bits of blood and bloody parts makes your eyes go wide in excitement and you want nothing more than to keep repeating this title in that way that only Samuel L. Jackson can, by repeatedly saying “Mothereffing killer school girls from mothereffing outer space!!”, then this movie is made with you specifically in mind.  And you will love it.

You can find the trailer HERE along with how to order, should you be interested.  Plus there’s other cool stuffs that come with such as a bonus dvd on how to be an indie filmmaker which I personally totally dig on since I’m into that kinda thing.  You’ll also find all the lovely photos that I heisted from (and linked back) with the trailer!  Killer School Girls from Outer Space is a wicked fun time, just like making it with your old lady down at the drive-in!

 

 

Hobo with a Shotgun

If you saw Tarantino and Rodriguez’s “Grindhouse” double feature, then you should have some knowledge of Hobo With a Shotgun, seeing as it was one of the featured “trailers” in the series.  After enjoying “Deathproof”, “Planet Terror” and “Machete” (based off another of the fake trailers), I had a fairly good idea of what I was in for with “Hobo”.  Yet, somehow it exceeded my expectations to create this beautifully mad Technicolor world that is deliciously fucked up.

It starts off with a scene that’s a cross between “Desperate Living” and “Caligula” (two movies which left me feeling a bit…..unclean after I saw them for the first time).  Imagine if you will, a town filled with degenerates, streets of trash and graffiti and a man named The Drake (who is absolutely NOT cool like Drake the rapper a.k.a Jimmy from Degrassi).  The Drake runs this town and he and his sons go around killing and mutilating just for the hell of it.  They supply the townspeople with drugs to take away the pain that they inflict and have their hand in the local prostitution ring (which apparently consists of every woman under the age of 30 who isn’t a mother).  Fear is The Drake’s main game and his hold on this town of deviants is firm.

Enter one hobo off a train who’s simply looking for a place to call home.  Dude picked the wrong town.  Once he realizes his mistake (after witnessing a murder staged as a street show, the breaking of a teenage boy’s arm, an attempted rape of a prostitute and a violent robbery attempt wherein a child is threatened), this hobo has had ENOUGH.  Armed with nothing but a shotgun and a prostitute named Abby, he goes to town (literally) wiping the scum of the earth off the streets and into hell.  The rest of the movie is a tit for tat, garish, in your face, vivid pink, neon blue, Asian movie gushes of blood, free for all revengesploitation of the most wicked kind.

Best part EVER?  When Abby suits up for war and the final touch of her outfit is slap bracelets.  Oh hello 80s fashion, how I’ve missed you.

A must for exploitation fans everywhere.

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