Sand Sharks

A couple of quickies before we start our feature presentation -

Did you all listen to the last Lambcast the other day?  If not, you might hear someone you know on it…Plus you get to hear the final nominees for the LAMMY’S!

Secondly, just came across this Indiegogo for a really cool looking horror film called Truth or Dare starring Scream Queen Jessica Cameron (AND it’s also her directorial debut).  Looks like it might be something a lot of you guys would dig so maybe check it out and support some indie horror! :)

And now for the main event…..

sandsharks1

So yeah. Sand Sharks.  Let’s just jump right on into this bad boy…

  • Are you allowed to ride dirt bikes on the beach?
  •     Um…I don’t think sharks do that…or look like that…
  •     Oh man, is this the Jersey shore because that is one serious guido.  Or porn star.  Kind of hard to tell.
  •     Apparently you can NOT ride your dirt bike on the beach or so says the sheriff 500 TIMES.
  •     Obviously a coyote ripped the biker’s head off.  Totes.
  •     This guido/porn star makes me want to go take a shower.
  •     Brooke Hogan!!  Why does she have an acting career and I don’t?? :-(
  •     Why is Brooke Hogan always in shark movies?
  •     Ohhhhhhh, this guy buried in the sand up to his head is not going to last long I think.  Also he’s a whiny little bitch.
  •    Being buried in the sand is the most ridiculous thing that has ever happened to him – whiny boy has had one boring life apparently.
  •     “Ow. Ow.” so that’s how you react when a sand shark starts to eat you.
  •     I LOVE THIS INTERN.  She just said “hella”.  Any second she’s gonna break out the “TOTES”!!
  •     Please tell me that deputy is NOT Jewel Staite.
  •     “You expect thousands of college students to sleep in tents?”  Has this woman ever MET a college student?
  •     Okay, so the last time guido/porn star threw a party 15 people died.  Obviously he should NOT be throwing another party…
  •     Also the sand shark has finally been sighted by people!  I mean, other than the people that have been eaten.
  •     Did I mention that guido/porn star is throwing a “rager” called “Sand Man”?  That’s the opposing story line here.
  •     I think this movie is stealing from “Jaws”…
  •     I…what?  There’s a crusty old fisherman who’s stepping up to catch the sand shark…and he talks like Popeye….
  •     Um, sheriff?  Brooke Hogan is like half your age if not more so.  Stop hitting on her now.  You’re being totes creepster.
  •     Looks like crusty old fisherman wasn’t really up to the task of catching the sand shark – the sand shark that attacked in WATER.
  •    Guido/porn star just referred to himself as “Big Daddy” – that is how I shall refer to him from now on too.
  •     Big Daddy is ignoring all warnings of sand sharks (of course) so I imagine more than 15 people are going to die this time.
  •    OH snap.  Not just a sand shark but a dino tiger sand shark!
  •     The sand dino tiger shark just ate the power cord that was laying on the beach – the gigantic power cord that seems to control the power to the whole town.
  •     Now it’s night…now it’s day…now it’s night…who needs continuity?
  •    So much melodrama for a movie of this nature!
  •    Brooke Hogan is trapped by the sand shark!!  Creepster sheriff is going to try to save her!
  •    Wow, that was anticlimatic.  Sand sharks are slow.
  •     There are so many idiots in this movie.  I’ve lost count.
  •     Okay, that was by far the funniest moment from Big Daddy and it was after his dad got eaten.
  •    WHOA!!  Sand shark just got all blown up with electricity and now the entire world is without power!
  •     Big Daddy is obviously bi-polar.  One second he’s crying, the next he’s ranting, then he’s manic – it’s like me on a bad day.
  •     I never understood the appeal of spring break.  Does that make me weird?
  •     Ew, she just licked his face – out of nowhere.  That was gross.
  •     Hahahahaaaaa!!!!!!  Way to make fun of yourself, movie!
  •    “Are you serious right now??”  “As a heart attack…or shark attack…”
  •    Oooohhhh, intern, I liked you before but I like you even better now for knocking that guy out to get ahead.
  •   And literally throwing that dude to the shark?  Bitch, you rule.
  •    Are you freaking kidding me, there’s 30 minutes of this movie left??
  •     One for my homies, one for me.  These people know how to party.
  •     BAD BAD tan, orange girl.  BAD.
  •     Never show your boobs to a shark made of sand because then a sand shark will eat you.  Just ponder that for a moment.
  •    Nobody knows how to run in this movie.  Why??
  •    Now there’s like 800 million sand sharks!!
  •    I don’t think guns work on sand sharks.
  •     I really just like saying sand sharks again and again.
  •     Holy FUCK they just killed off someone that I wasn’t expecting!!  I can’t believe the movie got me!
  •     Also intestines cannot really go back in the body once they’re out.
  •     Being stoned during a sand shark attack is not helpful to anyone.
  •    Grizzly fisherman is back!  I totes thought he was dead!
  •     So those 30 extras represented thousands of teenagers?
  •     WHAT???  Okay, the plan is to lure the sand sharks up the beach, then melt the sand with electricity.  What could possibly go wrong?
  •     Seriously, this movie just keeps getting funnier and funnier.  They’re playing Sousa to lure the sharks to the beach so they can electrify/melt them.  (At least I think it’s Sousa).
  •    So electricity means a flame thrower…gotcha…
  •     WTF???  *giggles*
  •    I really think she actually just said “Eat this, you sand of a bitch.”
  •     Oh thank goodness, it’s over.  Where is that whiskey I bought earlier??
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About mistylayne

I'm a Z movie loving, horror hound, Buffy quoting, Dr. Who watching, geekazoid and seeker of all things unusual. I'm a gypsy wanderer, lover of words, Wendy of the damned and all that jazz. What can I say? I'm complicated.

Posted on 2013.16.April, in American Indie, Creature Feature and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 30 Comments.

  1. Congratulations to you, and to Brooke Hogan!

  2. There’s no horror film that I don’t like, but I’m not sure about this. Are there a lot of sand sharks, or just one big one ? Where;s the mayor ? the cops, National Guards?

  3. Sure, why not a sand sharks :D

  4. This sounds awful. I wonder if it’s on this pack of 16 movies I bought last night….?

  5. OH MY GOD………I need to see this now!

  6. I had to scroll up again to get the image of the sand shark again. LOL! That was seriously weird…I didn’t know if I was supposed to be laughing at the description or not ;) This movie sounds random…really random. And that poster reminds me of Piranha…I never saw that one..but does it resemble it?

    • *giggles* You should definitely laugh! And yes, random is a great description of this movie. It actually took me 3 tries to make it all the way through…I haven’t seen Piranha yet (on my list) but I imagine it is similar (at least in the people getting eaten by sea creatures way).

      P.S. I have NOT forgotten about Just Dance – I am unable to fully unpack until carpet gets put down in my new place, hence the delay. I am going to see if I can try to find the box it is in though and go to my friend’s soon to record the hilarity!! :)

  7. cinemasamurai

    This was fantastic, really made me giggle.

  8. JK Bevill - Lost Creek Publishing

    Reblogged this on lost creek publishing.

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