Vicious Lips – The First Five
Well, we’ve got E over at theipc to thank for this entry into The First Five. I haven’t done one of these in quite awhile and honestly I didn’t mean to do one now but my gods was this atrocious!! Okay, not entirely E’s fault as he didn’t know – he just wanted me to a guest post over on his site and found this streaming on Netflix and suggested it and since it was already in my queue I ran with it. Now I feel compelled to warn the world – AVOID. Just AVOID at ALL costs. And just forgive any cursing that may happen from this point forward, please? Geez Louise….
WHAT THE FUCK, VICIOUS LIPS?? WHAT THE FUCK?? Okay, gotta be honest here – this is really the first 22 minutes. That’s the point where I gave in and emailed E and told him what was going on and he started yelling, “Abort! Abort!” and then there was this whole bit of mass confusion and well…yeah…I honestly don’t have a clue what this is supposed to be about other than a rock band in space. I think.
Basically all I got from what I watched was this:
- Dude looks like a lady!
- Yowza at that guys teeth – somebody should’ve invested in braces when they were a kiddo.
- It’s like Street Trash meets High School Musical meets The Jetsons.
- Oh and there’s Judy Jetson? And she sings like a guy. Really? Why is her name now Trudy?
- What?? Oh wow. Judy/Trudy has obviously been some sort of mindwashed and The Dream appears to be her trigger word because now there is some crazy punk rock video epicness happening!
- I don’t even know if this movie is SUPPOSED to make sense. Why did that guy just lose an eyeball?
- Geez, if this is what MTV was like, I’m so glad I missed out on it. This is headache inducing.
- Wait, now Judy/Trudy can sing? Like a girl? And well?
- Why did we just hear someone’s thoughts? Is telepathy coming into play? Or was that just a weird choice in narrative?
- At this point, I’m just waiting for everyone in this movie to die. That would make me happy.
- And now Judy/Trudy has a Southern accent. Oh for the love of…
- Eric, I want you to know that you are NEVER picking out another movie for me to watch EVER. Between this and The Sinful Dwarf, I’m pretty sure you hate me, which is sad-making because I am AWESOME.
- Oh yes, filming things in neon red light makes it all SO much better.
- Worst dance party ever.
- So many montages. And we’re only 22 minutes in.
- Yeah, I want to be on drugs right now too, lady.
- At least that one woman is dressed like a Christmas tree so this film is kind of in the spirit of the season.
- Did I even mention that there’s spaceships? No? Yeah, there are.
- Spaceship crashed. Unfortunately it looks like everyone’s still alive.
AND…that’s as far as I could go. Just please, for your own health & safety, avoid whatever the hell this
steaming pile of movie is attempting to be. Seriously. You’ll thank me.
Posted on 2012.4.December, in American Cinema, Musicals, The First Five and tagged fuck this shit, movies that suck, mtv can suck it, musicals aren't always awesome, vicious lips. Bookmark the permalink. 32 Comments.