Thankskilling

It’s a day late but yesterday was a busy day so I hope everybody had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

I present to you the cinematic masterpiece and the perfect Thanksgiving movie: Thankskilling!  Now this was the perfect movie for the day after Thanksgiving – epically stupid and epically funny and epically ridiculous.  Here in all its glory is the play by play recap!

  • This movie starts with a nipple shot – how on earth can it be bad?
  • Wait, did Pilgrim women not wear shirts?  Nobody ever told me they were nudists, dammit.
  • That turkey just said “Nice tits, bitch.”  I love this movie so much.
  • I am so naming my kids General Bastard and Wanda Lust.
  • Since when do kids get so excited about Thanksgiving they start ripping their clothes off?
  • He just referred to his bicep as a Weapon of Mass Destruction…
  • I’m fairly certain this is set in Alabama just from the characters.
  • Lassie dog!!!
  • Oh yeah.  This is SO set in Alabama.  Just waiting for the rebel flag to pop up at this point…
  • “What’s poon??”  *sighs*
  • Cheesiest flashback in the history of cinema, wow.
  • “I’m going to go skinny dipping without any clothes on.”  ~Nerdy guy is nerdy and pervy.
  • “Allie, you’re kind of a ho.  Not gonna lie, you’re kinda skanky.”
  • Oh great, Lassie’s pissing on an Indian totem.  No way is this going to end well.
  • Evil turkey!!
  • Uh-oh, RIP Lassie.
  • Oh no!  The car is breaking down!  Now all the teenagers will be in terrible danger.
  • Dude, there’s ancient Pilgrim history happening now!  In cartoon form!  Some Pilgrim pissed off an Indian and now there’s a curse – it’s the killer turkey!!  Homicidal turkey fun!
  • Turkeyologists??  I suspect that is not a real thing…
  • This killer turkey thinks he’s Freddy Krueger with the quips.
  • I feel compelled to go out to the backyard, drop to my knees and scream “Damn you turkey, damn you!!!” just like that hillbilly did.  It’s the day after Thanksgiving, I think it would be entirely appropriate.
  • Did you know turkeys see things in purple and white?
  • Nerd boy is totes a future serial killer.
  • The turkey scare tactics involve throwing baby bunnies into the fire pit.
  • Aw, poor Billy.  He’s been reduced to feeling up his own boobs.  And now he’s waking up to a hillbilly with a shotgun and turkey droppings on his chest.  This is SO not Billy’s day.
  • Wait – nobody died camping and they got the car to work the next day.  What the hell kind of movie is this??
  • WTF??  WTF?? Why did some dude just see killer turkey on the side of the road, pull over to pick him up and then try to screw him?  What world do these people live in where they pick up hitchhiking turkeys??
  • Whoever wrote this seems to have an obsession with Jon Benet Ramsey.
  • Oh Johnny, it can’t be good when you ask your dad a question and he farts in reply.  He really does hate you for being pushed back to second string quarterback.
  • ……………….okay, sorry, I had to pick myself up from where I just fell onto the floor laughing………..
  • Ah, sex fully clothed, of course.
  • Oh c’mon.  I do NOT need to see turkey/human sex.  What the hell Thankskilling?  Why the hell do I always end up watching movies with shit like this in them?  Why the hell are there SO many of them?
  • Gravy flavored condom *shudders*
  • Hide yo wife, hide yo kids, y’all.
  • Scooby gang moment – they’re headed to check out some books to find out how to beat the baddie!
  • Why is everyone acting like a talking turkey is perfectly normal?  Why is this man dressed as a turkey?  Why is the turkey having coffee with this guy and discussing the weather?
  • These people are clearly living in an alternate universe where everyone is an IDIOT.
  • Turkey’s gone all Leatherface.
  • Oh hells yeah, book reading montage with hip hop music.  EPIC.
  • To kill the turkey they must FIRST solve a mathematical code.  Math bores Billy.
  • “I know we took the Indians’ land but we gave them casinos, doesn’t that make up for it?”  *facepalm*
  • No, Johnny, things definitely will never be the same again, not even if you defeat the killer turkey.
  • To defeat the turkey you must burn it at the stake and chant a demonic prayer backwards, in unison.  THAT is what the mathematical code said.
  • How did the turkey get the ability to turn itself into a cartoon turkey dinner to entice Billy?  Native American’s did NOT have cartoons, y’all.  No way did the necromancer throw that shiz into the curse.
  • I HATE Nerd Boy.  I LOVE Killer Turkey.
  • Oh there’s a killer turkey/Billy love song!!!
  • After a long day of killing, there’s nothing killer turkeys like more than a nice salad.
  • Yay Hillbilly!  Way to shoot that turkey!
  • Hey, just because like 10 people died tonight is NO reason we should call the police or anything.  Instead let’s go watch a movie, eat popcorn and hang out with Kristen’s dead dad.
  • Oh dayum, Hillbilly shot Killer Turkey into a dumpster that was full of RADIOACTIVE WASTE!!!  Radioactive Killer Turkey is pecking Nerd Boy to death.  Oh and he’s glowing green.
  • That’s right Nerd Boy, follow your bestie Billy into that white light.  No turkeys in heaven.
  • Turkeys like killing people with easily found kitchen objects.  The more you know…
  • That’s so convenient that there was a pile of sticks RIGHT THERE for the flaming turkey to fly into!
  • And now, the Last Girl Standing enjoys a fine turkey meal.
  • Who has one turkey, one bowl of stuffing and one pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving?  We had enough food to feed an army yesterday.
  • Oh noes!  Turkey dinner has jumped off the plate yelling, “Do I smell a sequel??”

And there you have it!  So sit back and enjoy an extra helping of turkey!

About mistylayne

I'm a Z movie loving, horror hound, Buffy quoting, Dr. Who watching, geekazoid and seeker of all things unusual. I'm a gypsy wanderer, lover of words, Wendy of the damned and all that jazz. What can I say? I'm complicated.

Posted on 2012.23.November, in American Cinema, American Indie, Creature Feature, Horror Comedy and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 48 Comments.

  1. Sounds like the perfect family film.

  2. A true Thanksgiving feast for the mind – this sound craptastic.

  3. There’s nothing quite like some sex with your clothes on. Score! ;)

    This was very amusing. I couldn’t watch the trailer because it doesn’t like the UK. That might mean I have to find the film to watch, it sounds funny. Are you going to review ‘Black Xmas’ once December hits? The recent one. It’s fantastically bad…

    • Oh no, that sucks the trailer didn’t like the UK. And yes, it is hilarious. Plus sequel!!! ;)

      I wasn’t going to do any Christmas movies really because I hate Christmas. I did see Black Christmas though and yeah, it was pretty horrible, lol. I *might* do Rare Exports in December but that’ll probably be the limit.

      • Ooh, I don’t know what Rare Exports is, so I hope you do it! I’m sorry you hate Christmas. I just like the build up. The day is usually a letdown. lol. Bah humbug. ;)

      • From what I’ve heard it is super awesome – it’s like a Santa horror foreign thing. :) *giggles* I just hate the whole season with the panic and the consumerism and the anxiety and the everything. I DO like the candy canes though. ;)

      • You made me giggle out loud there! Candy canes rock! I’m glad you’ve found something to enjoy – I need to avoid putting them on the tree this year. I just eat them… And sugared almonds (do you get them in the US?) wow… :D

      • Sugared almonds?? We probably do but I haven’t ever noticed them but I love almonds and I’m a fan of sugar so I see nothing but awesome here… :)

  4. Wonderfully terrible haha :D

  5. I think reading your play-by-play is more entertaining than the movie itself. I’m just curious, but how come all the comments are leaving a date of 5.24.12 when it is actually November. I wish it was May because then that would mean the weather would be getting warmer instead of colder.

  6. Is the turkey having sex with the humans or are the humans porking the turkey?

  7. I did really like the animated part in the middle that told that back story, however cheesy and lame it was, about the turkey. I’m glad you thought of the Scooby gang too, that thought kept going through my head during the first few scenes. All the stereotypes were there. My vote is Billy is Scooby. The nerd would be Velma.

    • Haha, yeah that part was amazing. My roommate walked in around that part and was like, “*sighs* What are you watching now?” and then found the whole thing fascinating, lol. I can see Billy as Scooby. Maybe the nerd? I dunno, I just didn’t like him period so I don’t care. ;)

  8. I totally need to see this movie.

  9. Ha ha, love the play-by-play review. Ingenious!!
    Chris

  10. I absolutely cannot wait to watch this!!!

  11. This one is tough to sit through and if it weren’t for the smart-ass turkey, I may have not made it all the way through. For any of you who are interested, last weeks BBandBC show focused on this film along with another bad Thanksgiving themed film, Blood Freak. Here is the post for the podcast http://badassesboobsandbodycounts.com/2012/11/23/bbandbc-podcast-ep12-happy-thankskilling/

    • Oh, I loved this one so much. Even my roomie was intrigued and she’s pretty mainstream when it comes to film, lol. Will have to check out the podcast sometime in the near future!

  12. “Evil turkey!!
    Uh-oh, RIP Lassie.”

    I laughed so damn hard at that.

  13. I almost requested this thing to review and one point, but didn’t. I guess what stopped me was the stack of crap movies I already owned that needed to be viewed.

  14. Thanks for letting me camp out in your blog for a little while today. I had a great time and tried to leave my campsite as good as when I arrived. I’ll be back!

  15. Reblogged this on Cinema Schminema and commented:

    In honor of today, I re-present “Thankskilling” in all it’s cinematic glory! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and eat lots of food! Me? I’ll be with friends and since this is, for some reason, a big drinking holiday up here – well, if you see any blogging from me later, just ignore it. ;)

  1. Pingback: The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (Classic Movie Week) [Review by Misty] « Bishop Review

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