Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare

Wow.  I really did not remember having so much hatred for Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare. But yeah, if I had watched this movie in real time and this was being billed as the last one ever and I watched I would be so pissed off.  It would be like watching Ep. 1, 2, and 3 of Star Wars all over again.  Actually I don’t even know if I watched Ep. 3…

Anyway, Freddy’s back (duh), kids are dying, more of Freddy’s history is revealed and logic, continuity and plain common sense are missing. Read on for further thoughts (they aren’t great – just got power back yesterday and wow, do you know how dirty your house can get after 8 days with no power?  Plus catching up on 8 days of work and stuff equals one sleepy girl.  So I sincerely apologize for what you are about to read.):

So long, farewell…

  • Yay Nietzsche quote!  I so have a literary crush on him.  Him and Anais Nin.
  • Okay, so this movie is actually set 10 years after it is made…why does it say “10 years from now” rather than “10 years later” or something.  This bugs me.
  • I hate planes which is ironic given that both of my parents flew in their free time and I’ve been flying since I was 6 months old.
  • “Don’t be a pussy” says the old lady – haha, I am so going to be that lady when I’m older.
  • Falling out of planes is one of the reasons I don’t like them.  *yeesh*
  • This kid kinda looks like the dude from “Boy Meets World”…Rider Strong?  Anyway, pretty cute.
  • Yay, Wizard of Oz reference!  <3
  • Dream within a dream?  Is this Alice’s baby Jacob? Why is this movie starting this way??
  • Freddy house!  Tricycle!!
  • Did he just actually run on air?
  • I have NEVER tumbled down a hill in quite so dramatic a manner…this kid should be dead by now.
  • I wonder if Robert Englund was tired of making these by now?  Freddy’s doing a crappy job of killing this kid.  And I still don’t know if this is dream world or real world land.  I’m going to assume this will all be explained later.  I do not remember much of this movie.
  • Person shaped hole in the universe!  Timey wimey!
  • Hahaha, old school handheld video games.  Dude.  I have an original Gameboy – tried explaining that to my friend’s six year old – his response “Gameboy, that’s what they called them before they called them DS right?”
  • Breckin Meyer!!  Seriously, how old is this guy?  He’s been in everything for like all time.
  • I look at this therapist and all I can see is Tracy Morgan from 30 Rock – did he play this guy on SNL at some point?  Yaphet Kotto, I think?
  • Seriously, Rider Strong, just sing quietly to yourself if you need to stay awake.
  • I totally forgot the big Wizard of Oz undertones here…
  • Ah, 1991, that explains the Saved by the Bell décor and cray cray CGI.
  • Where do these people live where the cops are all “Oh, another 12 year old crackhead on the streets.” and the graffiti indicates this is a third world country?
  • Worst town fair EVER.  Although that elderly man in a tophat riding bumper cars by himself is pretty awesome.
  • DUDE, ROSEANNE!!  I forgot she was in this!  And Tom Arnold! *giggles*  Oh 90s, you were so cool.
  • Why does this social worker not notice the state of Springwood? Smoking clowns, insane Roseanne Barr…giving juvenile delinquents a van to drive back to the shelter… I am thinking someone is not the best at her job.
  • Time loop!  Which one was it where this became a thing?  #4?
  • Awww, I wanna hold an art contest for kids drawing Freddy Krueger.  It would be adorable.
  • Yeah, Carlos, I’m not so great with maps either.   At least no map has actually said to me that I’m fucked.  Misty: 1, Carlos: 0
  • Gotta admit, the whole adults gone crazy by lack of kids/empty town/etc. idea is creepy but not as well executed here as it could be.
  • Rider has no memory but all of a sudden he totally remembers Freddy Krueger and what happened in this town.
  • Freddy had a kid!!
  • Could a whole town of children really disappear with no police or government official intervention?  I mean, you can’t arrest Freddy but someone would get the blame right?
  • I really am way too tired to be witty tonight, sorry guys.
  • Fire pretty.
  • Ew, I would not sleep in a bed with dust flying up from it.  I am picky though.
  • Oh Carlos, why did you go and fall asleep?  You really are fucked.
  • Ew, I remember this part now with the qtip.  Nice touch with the little chunky bits, special effects team!
  • Oh Freddy, now you’re just mocking him.  How rude!
  • Spider ear, spider ear does whatever a spider ear does!
  • There are some really bad editing cuts in this, continuity was apparently not an issue.
  • Ha @ Carlos – “you wouldn’t do that would you man?” Carlos so doesn’t realize who he’s dealing with here.
  • Freddy used to kill people a lot faster. And not make love to blackboards…
  • Um…what kind of weed causes you to hallucinate that a broken and smashed t.v. is working?
  • Oh logic, sometimes I really wish you showed up more often in film.  But only sometimes.  This is one of those times.
  • Yay Johnny Depp!!
  • Yes, Freddy, only hippies smoke weed.
  • I really want to watch Laugh-In now.
  • I think Freddy is playing Atari here (explaining that one to the six year old was harder).
  • Wait, since when can Rider suddenly go into people’s dreams?
  • Ugh, the movie has gotten cartoonish, almost literally.
  • Okay, I just spaced out for like 10 minutes.  I still really do not like this movie.
  • Although this made me laugh – “He’s not going to get me again.  NOTHING can make me leave this bed.” End of bed catches on fire.  “Dammit.”
  • For someone who’s scared of heights, Rider looks not very concerned about his imminent death by falling 800 million feet.
  • Oh wow.  That was the worst acting I have seen in awhile.  Like really really bad.
  • I don’t know if I can finish this.  I think there’s still a half hour or more left.  I didn’t remember it being THIS bad.
  • Omg, I want to tear my hair out this is so bad.  Someone tell me something happy, please?
  • So my friends got a new kitten.  They named it Meep.
  • She looks embarrassed.  I am embarrassed for this movie.
  • Freddy’s got plans for world domination, y’all!
  • Yay – tagline!  “Every town has an Elm Street.”
  • Kung fu this bitch.  Indeed.
  • This movie lacks any tenseness, any horror and leaves me with no feelings of caring.  It’s kind of like watching that production of Evil Dead: The Musical all over again.
  • Freddy’s listing all the ways people have tried to kill him while cutting off his own fingers.  He has green ooze instead of blood in case you were wondering.
  • Oh yeah, dream people gave him this job.  That’s right, now I remember where this is going.  3D land, y’all, that’s where we’re headed.  *sighs*
  • So they’re going with the tried and true method of pulling Freddy out of the dream into the real world.  Because that’s worked so well in the past.
  • They certainly have some inspired casting in this one.  Alice Cooper as Freddy’s father/stepfather/adoptive father?
  • Blah, blah, fight to the death, blah, blah, explosion, blah, 3D, blah.
  • THE END.

This sums up the movie fairly well.

And of course the trailer:

In summary, eff you Final Nightmare, eff you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About mistylayne

I'm a Z movie loving, horror hound, Buffy quoting, Dr. Who watching, geekazoid and seeker of all things unusual. I'm a gypsy wanderer, lover of words, Wendy of the damned and all that jazz. What can I say? I'm complicated.

Posted on 2012.7.November, in American Cinema, Horror, Horror Comedy, Oldies but Goodies and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 26 Comments.

  1. LOL – you are awesome! I really don’t think I saw more than the first two but for some reason everything you wrote above reminds me of why I never have gotten in to this franchise.. maybe I saw this?? I don’t know but this is exactly how I remember it – dumb. I Netflix queued up 3 at your request and will give it a look but this sounds TURRIBLE.

  2. Love the bullet points :) Always make me smile

  3. Fire pretty? No, fire bad. Tree pretty.
    I should watch this. I don’t think I’ve seen this one either.

  4. I loved everything about that scene where Freddy comes on the TV, especially the fact that they used In a Gadda Da Vida, but that scene is also the only thing I remember about the movie. I know I saw it in high school, it was in 3D, and I wore my 3D glasses as sunglasses to marching band practice (so wacky! so zany!) the Monday after I saw the movie and got the worst headache of my entire life, so every time I think about re-watching the movie I think about a headache. I did re-watch that scene just now on YouTube…the movie really looks cheap.

    • Headache, yes, even without the 3D glasses (haha at wearing them to band practice!). And cheap is also apt. It’s just way too cartoonish. I did like In a Gadda Da Vida too though!

  5. This is the entry I’ve re-watched the least. This post is all kinds of cool though. “Don’t be a pussy” says the old lady. Ha! Epic.

  6. Lol great post. Some of the NMOES films I just can’t stand. This being one of them!

  7. I can’t bring myself to hate this movie. It’s kinda cool in that pseudo Twin Peaks way. Plus my dad took me to see it, so it holds a special place for me.

    • Awww, I totally understand that then. I haven’t seen the full run of Twin Peaks (only 2 episodes in) so I can’t really make that connection. Maybe after I finish the show. :)

  8. Nice review. I think this is the second worst in the series after part 5, but at least this one did get a little darker towards the end of it. The comedy at the start was atrocious – though I do kind of like the scene with the hearing aid.

    • The hearing aid scene wasn’t bad, I just forgot how icky it was, lol. I don’t like when things are done to teeth or ears or eyeballs. The cheese factor here was just off the charts though. So ridiculous.

      • I agree about the cheese – pretty bad. I also don’t like when people mess with those body parts. The movie Zombie has an eyeball scene that will make you cringe. I squirm every time I see it.

  9. Oh, this movie….You know, I loved enough horror in the 80’s to develop an appreciation for dark humor and quirk, but in some ways I think it helped pave the way for a loss of elements that made horror really scary. You can’t have dark atmospheric tension and unsettling subversion of normalcy when your villain is Q*bert with a Wolverine glove.

  10. Love the review and your “old lady” aspirations. I plan to be a non-racist version of Clint Eastwood’s character in Gran Torino…I also don’t plan on getting something so incurable that I decide to let a neighbourhood gangster hoodie type blow me away…

And.........Action!

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